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detaching by the second
(Preview)
I swear if I ever ever get into another relationship before I commit I want to look at the family issues.
As you all know the As mother decided to get married a few weeks ago. Quite out of the blue. Before then she had been the penltimate widow. She never dated anyone. She went to so...
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maresie2
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3
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352
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Anonymity question
(Preview)
Lilms posted about its importance, but I don't really understand it. It feels like I am embarassed or ashamed to need help. I'm proud I attend alanon and am taking care of myself in that manner. I am more grown up than to tell someone else's story or out them, but it feels like the "before" behavior. Can an...
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Jill
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9
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384
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Remind me (again) I'm gonna be okay...
(Preview)
I remember reading from one of our member's "Why do we have to be nice?" Well, dearest, just to prove that I chew my tounge off from biting it....
So yesterday I talked to my neurologist at my counselor's encouragment. Even though the migranes had gotten better they still hadn't gone...
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Tiger2006
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8
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400
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Survivor guilt?
(Preview)
Good Morning (((Everyone)))
I've been thinking about this concept for a while now and another post brought it to the front of my mind again.
I grew up with I guess what you would call hippie parents, not addicts or alcoholics but they definitely took advantage of the times and nothing was hi...
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Jennifer
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5
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355
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jelous A
(Preview)
My A while I was online stated to be that my sponsor was past her bed time. My A doesnt like me talking to my sponsor. Is actually really jelous of me talking to my sponsor. Any suggestions.
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purplebutterfly
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6
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351
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Definition of H.A.L.T.?
(Preview)
Would someone explain to me the meaning or definition of the letters H.A.L.T.
Thank you!
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sld488
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4
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2540
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Divorce Final Tomorrow.
(Preview)
I am amazed with all the progress in recovery I have been making. I was able to tell my AH it was time to end it last January. Through recovery, I was able to tell him to go when it got to a point that I was no longer willing to tolerate with relative ease. I didn't have to mean about it.&nbs...
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ZiggyDoodles
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6
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299
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Daughter gives Ultimatum Need Advice!!
(Preview)
My alcoholic fiancee and I seperated in July, he relapsed, but has returned to AA and has 60 days sober. We started talking again about 3 weeks ago by phone, but have not seen each other because I moved to MS to volunteer with the Katrina relief work. We are still very much in love, and want very much for our...
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verenda
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6
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2605
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Turning it over to HP
(Preview)
((((((((Family)))))))),
Good morning. I've been struggling a bit with a few things. Nothing major, but things that have been just causing me a bit of angst. Kind of stuck, not moving foward, etc. Well I went to do my daily mediation reading from Hazelden this mor...
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Karilynn
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4
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258
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A getaway....
(Preview)
((((Everyone)))
After being woken up lastnight by drunk AH and listening to his arrogance and hate words (I sat up but then just went to bed), I woke up this morning and told him goodbye when I left. I asked him if he remembered what happened lastnight. He said, "no, was I messing with you...
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hersh
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8
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235
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Still here hanging in
(Preview)
(((Family)))
Thanks to all who wrote in their thoughts and feelings to my post on my marriage proposal. I took in each of your points and gave all my concerns, hopes, and dreams to HP. My family has been suprisingly supportive and just basically said all they want is our happiness.&nbs...
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twinmom2
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3
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291
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I've had just about enough
(Preview)
Hi everyone, my Abf's friend comes out of rehab next week. He's trouble and my instincts tell me to keep well away from him. But seems he's this great buddy, and he will be around. I have to get used to it! Anyway, I've been really nervous about this for the past few weeks and have not handled it very well. I'...
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annmarie
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5
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425
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My bottom...
(Preview)
(((((((Everyone))))))))
You know.... I struggled so much after getting here about if to stay or go or what? I got some wonderful advise about giving it time and when it's right.... I will know.
Well, needless to say we had a really bad weekend. I won't go into great detail, but she was...
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rtexas
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15
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505
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flahsbacks
(Preview)
My husband died of a brain tumor about 7 years ago. His emotions were out of control due to the tumor and meds he was on. A lot of the time he was unreasonable. I suffered a lot of panic attacks that seemed vaguely familiar. Once, in particular he was haranguing me about the venetian blinds. I started to pan...
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bluegrassgal
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2
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247
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hard times
(Preview)
Hi im Dawn,
Ive been coming here for 3 yrs now,without this room i dont know how i would handle this situation.Well anyways my sister had a stroke,alot of brain damage and cant walk or move arm etc......But the warning signs were there her pressure was high she had light flashes in her eyes.I offered h...
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rosedawn
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4
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345
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Thought I'd Share this...If it helps someone? Thats all that matters..
(Preview)
Letting Go: The Journey for your Life - Letting Go By Barry Elwin-Jones
WHAT IS LETTING GO?
Letting go can be the most terrifying experience we can have. Letting go means having no support mechanism for our egos. Put simply, when we let go, we trust that everything is going to work out in our best i...
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Phil
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5
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1265
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compassion for the alcoholic
(Preview)
Hi ((((((friends))))))
I had another bad day Tuesday.Cried all day.But it seems every time I have one of those days I take a step forward after it.I seem to learn from it.This time my eyes have been opened.I think I have found that elusive compassion Alanon tells us to have for alcoholics.
Now,kee...
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drucilla06
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4
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619
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Hate me today...
(Preview)
(((((Everyone))))) I heard a song on the radio this morning on the way to work. I had been ... uh... rocking my therapy I guess. The others on the road hopefully thought I was on my hands free cell phone. LOL Just before I hit the parking lot a song by Blue October came on. I have heard this song hundreds o...
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rtexas
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7
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477
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lonely
(Preview)
Hi everyone,
The thing that always gets me on this board is that so often, others are feeling so similar to me. It is always so comforting to be reminded that I am not alone.
Life has been calm lately.(as calm as life with 7 children can be)
The kids and I go about our daily lives. My front door is all bu...
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Jeannie
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6
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275
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Breaking anonymity
(Preview)
Hi all,
A quick note to remind all of us how important anonymity is to the success of this program.
I was at the mall yesterday shopping with my wife. We ran into a mutual acquaintance and stopped to say hi. She is from my f2f group and never let on that I had ever been there bless her.
The...
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lilms
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14
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1108
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new - need some advice!
(Preview)
Hi everyone. I'm new to these boards. I was just married a month ago, and my new AH went into detox and rehab a week ago. I thought everything was going great. I mean, he had some slips in the past, but swore to me he was doing really well, which I believed. I never really thought it was this serious.
I am s...
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krusland
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4
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394
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affection
(Preview)
Can an A be an affectionate person? I have been doing a lot of thinking. Lack of simple affection is a real issue for me. It causes a lot of problems for me. Maybe I'm too defensive and self protective to allow affection.
AM
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annmarie
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4
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258
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A's worst nightmare
(Preview)
What was said about Alanon being an A's worst nightmare is true. My husband and I were both asked to speak at an Alanon meeting I didn't attend regularly. When his turn came, he said "Ladies and Gentlemen", you will never no how you are screwing up someone's enjoyment of drinkng by coming to these meetin...
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bluegrassgal
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4
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339
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How many meetings?
(Preview)
((((((((((Family)))))))))),
Just curious. I remember when hubby got out of rehab and they stressed 90 meetings in 90 days. (He being the classic over achiever did 90 meetings in 90 minutes lol! still relapsed)
My local alanon group never talks about things like that. How many meetings you...
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Karilynn
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7
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448
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Where would I be...
(Preview)
((((Everyone))))
Where would I be without my AW. Probably in rehab myself or dead.
..... why would I say that. My Father was an active A most of my life. He didn't find sobriety until the fine state of Texas gave him a choice. Go to rehab or go to jail. It was his first...
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rtexas
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5
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330
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My husbands sobriety ends :(
(Preview)
Well, yesterday was a very difficult day for my husband it was the 2nd anniversary of his mothers death. As you know he is living in a camper after I kicked him out nearly 4 weeks ago.
Last night he went to his fathers and then the grave site and said he would call me later. I said okay and went on .. I too...
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Tammy
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10
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301
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cheating
(Preview)
Last night I talked to my A for the fist time in almost 2 weeks. He is still using/drinking and is so far in his addiction that its frightening. I am 4000 miles away from our home.. and him and I feel helpless. He told me he loves me and wants to come here to be with me and get help. He says he needs to go but will ca...
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rainydayz
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7
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485
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Why do we have to be nice?
(Preview)
Just wondering if someone is verbally abusive to you drunk or not, why must we "not say it mean"? Don't you think that sometimes a cold hard word is effective at making someone stop to think? I don't mean just to be hurtful but to say what is true whether it hurts or not. IE I don'...
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carolinagirl
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10
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412
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Need ESH Desperately, please....
(Preview)
I cannot get very detailed right now as my time is in short supply at the moment, but I am in some seriously desperate need of ESH.
My A has decided to attempt getting sober. I don't know what precipitated this epiphany and I won't question it. So far he's made two AA meetings...
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CoffeeBean3
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8
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369
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slipped a little, i guess
(Preview)
Well, I did go ahead and tell my A that I was going to put myself in Al-Anon again. I figured it was safe to call him since he had been over the other day to fix something in the house and we were nice to each other. So I told him about the bill collectors who keep...
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jaja
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2
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302
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Said what I mean...but didn't say it mean
(Preview)
Sunday,after a month long rollercoaster binge of alcohol and drugs, I asked my A to make a choice...enter rehab (again) or move out of my house and life. So of course the routine went...anger, denial, and today...quiet submissiveness. He called at work to pretend like I was just "over reacting" and I...
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kicky
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4
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372
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his buddy
(Preview)
Hi everyone,
I hope you will help me to see this situation more clearly. I feel I am just going round in circles at the moment. My bf has not been drinking for a few weeks now and we are getting on well. He is not on a programme though, and has no intention of staying sober. We have had some good times recen...
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annmarie
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4
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241
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Obsession....
(Preview)
(((Everyone)))
Happy Tuesday! I just thought of something so weird today. I am getting so much stronger. It was an up and down weekend, sounds like everyone here had one too. BUT, I was thinking today how much stronger I am than before, and how much I obsessed with AH's eve...
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hersh
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5
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214
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Tired to the Bone
(Preview)
I am tired. So tired of dealing. With him, with myself, with my job, everything.
I just want to sleep. My house is a mess. We have no clean clothes. The fridge is a mess. Dishes in the sink. Dishes in the drainer. I just come home, try to cope, go to work, come home...
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Becky1
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7
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356
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When I am right .....
(Preview)
Hello (((Everyone)))
My A has taken to making comments od "When I am right ...
I Will date you again"
I will have another house"
be happy"
Usually i can hear these things and just let them go. The I will date you again comment really got me thinking though. In the last year or so I have been told I w...
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Jennifer
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3
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352
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GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!
(Preview)
Okay,
So yesterday I posted and it was all sweet and light. I truly believe that stuff, really I do but right at the moment I just wanna run far far away.
I am tired of never knowing when my home is going to be invaded. The A is here, has been using, has made a mess and because she is not my chil...
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lilms
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3
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247
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Today I have to remember
(Preview)
(((((Everyone)))))
Today I been saying the S prayer quite a bit. Especially "... the courage to change the things I can".
I am so tired. I had to remind myself today that I was having suicidal daydreams, like subconcious plans when I found this program. I have to keep remindin...
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rtexas
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7
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380
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From the mouths of babes
(Preview)
((((Everyone))))
Last night, my AW who is caught in a tough spot of making a decission if she is to go to rehab or go out on her own.
The throws of that turned into a horrible scene last night that got loud and physical. Unfortunately (but not supprising) our 11 yr old son walked in...
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rtexas
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4
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360
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Sobriety brings resentment
(Preview)
AH is beginning day 2. This time he isn't going through heavy-duty withdrawal, which is nice. BUT...it drives me nuts that when he is drinking he can just drop all responsibility. I do everything (run business, clean house, pay bills, cook, take care of child, mow grass). Then when he is sober for a day...
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babysteps
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5
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451
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UPDATE !!
(Preview)
Today is the 2nd anniversary of the death of my mother in law and the day my life really started going downhill. My husband found his mother dead that day and his drinking became out of control and has not improved since. I have left my husband more than once during the last two years only to return to pro...
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Tammy
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3
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234
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New Here
(Preview)
I really don't know where to begin. Please bear with me...this is going to get long.
I began noticing that my husband had a drinking problem about 2 or so years ago, after his first seizure (caused by withdrawl we now know). That was followed over the next year or so by 2 more withdrawl ind...
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Nette
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7
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259
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Horrible f2f meeting ADVICE PLEASE!
(Preview)
I have been going off and on to a f2f mtg in my area. it is a small town and there's only 1 and they meet once a week. There are always the same 5 adults and 1 teen there. Last meeting there were as many kids as adults and the entire meeting was run by one of the kids as an alateen meeting.&nbs...
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carolinagirl
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10
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474
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I want to live not merely survive....
(Preview)
Hi Alanon friends,
I haven't posted in awhile. No big drama with my AHsober. We have been separated a year physically; 2 years since he said he wanted out of the marriage. He fades further and further into the background by his choice. He promises to call but forgets. He makes plans to meet and then som...
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nmike
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5
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435
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Frustrated with my brother
(Preview)
My brother has been labelled by himself and others as an alcoholic. Maybe I am speaking from the position of not understanding the disease - but what it looks like to me is that he is just a very immature individual who can't say no to a party.
He "dried out" 2 years ago at a centre for one mon...
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Tamiele
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2
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200
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needing to be reminded
(Preview)
Thank you for all the comments and input. Alcoholics are not the only ones who can fall off the wagon. We can too if we neglect to work the program like I have.
One of the comments was about grief I might still be harboring for my husband. I am grieving but not so much for my husband. I lost my sister a coup...
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bluegrassgal
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3
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333
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boundries
(Preview)
i brought up the "say what you mean but don't say it mean" thing last night at my meeting. i am having a hard time with stating my boundries and consequently i am becoming full of resentment and the old anger and hurts are threatening to come spilling out. my ex has been spending all his time here with me and...
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serendipity
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4
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250
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Asked my A to leave...again.
(Preview)
After my last post, I took in all the great responses and realized I was kidding myself if I could practice ignoring the ill-behavior of my A. I love the principals of alanon. I tried to work on myself and enjoy my life even if my A was still actively "alcoholish." But after this weekend of disrespectfuln...
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kicky
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4
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278
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Feeling guilty
(Preview)
Hello All,
I havent posted in awhile, but read here everyday, and get so much from other peoples words of wisdom, it helps to come here and know that I am not alone in this problem and be able to get a bit of insite to how others deal with their day to day lives with their A's. I&n...
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acjmom
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2
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242
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How strong is the addiction
(Preview)
(((((Everyone)))))
Wow, this is going to be a rough road I believe.
It reminds me of when my youngest son was starting to sleep in his own room by himself. He stalled, and cried, and screamed and it was absolutely heart wrenching. But, you know he wasn't in pain, he just didn't w...
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rtexas
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8
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313
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question: al anon and the A
(Preview)
Do you think it is not such a good thing to let the A know that you are in AL-ANON? I ask this because I am just getting back into meetings and at this time my A is not aware of that. While I know he'll drink no matter what if he's so compelled and my going to meetings doesn't matter to him any...
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jaja
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8
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367
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aha moment - ive been letting my boss make me nuts!
(Preview)
just finally had an aha moment - and if anyone can extend on this please do so
We got a new boss a few years ago. I worked in my job for several years before she was hired. It seems like she plays favorites, is not very available, hardly ever in the office, spends hours shopping for supplies, etc. It...
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Barbara
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3
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270
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|
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A little history
(Preview)
I started Alanon in 1977 but haven't been active in the last few years. I was pretty active in the organization for about 20 years. My husband died about 7 years ago. He had been sober for about 22 years. Alanon literally saved my sanity. Here I am again faced with my son...
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bluegrassgal
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4
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351
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My sick husband
(Preview)
I just need to share.
Yesterday when my AH got home from work (around 4 pm) he asked what I wanted for dinner, then offered to go to the store to get it. I said sure! He came home with a large bottle of wine, steak and salad. We ate dinner, watched TV, he talked to our daughter's soccer coach on the phone, q...
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babysteps
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8
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265
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Trying really hard to let go
(Preview)
I am trying really hard not to care what my A does. We are seperated and I still find myself thrying to influence him to do what I want him to do. Last night I went to a f2f meeting (the one in my town is horrible) and I asked if he wanted to go to aa (same place and time) he said he was tired, etc. so I s...
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carolinagirl
|
4
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210
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Learning
(Preview)
I am learning that while doing ur steps u could be working on more then one step. RIght now i am working on both 4th and 12 step. It is great to be helping someone else. You can get to know the person u are sponsoring. You watch them grow and u work on ur guidance. It takes patience to sponsor someone and know th...
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nycbt
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1
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274
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Getting thru the dark days
(Preview)
Hello Friends,
Just a little update, I'm doing a little better.....getting thru it the best that I can...one of the toughest aspects of this insane disease is....realizing the truth...finally looking at the addict the way they are not the way I am want him to be...realizing that the disease won...
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Andrea12
|
7
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331
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God's Majesty
(Preview)
On a weekend such as this, unseasonably warm for Taxachusetts and during the Fall Foliage, there is no doubt in my mind that a Higher Power (whom I choose to call God) exists and that His majesty and beauty is out there each and every day for me to enjoy. Amazing how He sits up there waiting patiently for me...
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Maria123
|
8
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343
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thank you!
(Preview)
i wanted to take a minute and thank everyone who responded to my last post. i really need to be here right now. it was very helpful to be reminded (and i need it over and over again) to take care of myself. yes, i've been in therapy for 6 years. it helps immensely with the...
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violet
|
1
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205
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Hurting Hand, Hurting Heart
(Preview)
This was a long, hard weekend. I have learned a lot though. Thanks for all your posts and prayers to my last post about me hitting the wall.
I keep hearing these Alanon "helpful hints" from others, and am realizing more every day how much I need this program. My expectations of hav...
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Becky1
|
11
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335
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p.s.
(Preview)
if i kept sticking my finger in a light socket and it hurt, i would stop. the relationship with my A feels like a light socket that i've been sticking my finger into over and over. ow. ow. ow. i don't want to stick my finger into it anymore. i...
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violet
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7
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232
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