The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today is the 2nd anniversary of the death of my mother in law and the day my life really started going downhill. My husband found his mother dead that day and his drinking became out of control and has not improved since. I have left my husband more than once during the last two years only to return to promises and then broken promises. Nearly 4 weeks ago I kicked my husband out of the house when I learned that he met a female at a bar and had been talking with her every few days.. I went balistic and kicked his butt out.. Then less than a week later he got a DUI and was arrested and if that wasnt bad enough because of his job the paper got ahold of it and thought it would make a great story. Talk about embarrassment for him, me and our children.
He is living in the camper and it has been 3 weeks since he has drank.. He is seeing a addiction counselor and making an effort to stay sober. Today is a sad day for him and i hope he doesnt turn to alcohol to medicate his sadness.
Me well, I am sad most days.. I miss him terribly, I cant imagine my life without him yet I wasnt happy with him living on this rollercoaster. I know that his sobriety is HIS sobriety yet I cant stop thinking about what life could be like with him sober. If I dont hear from him I fight urges to call him.. I wonder what he is thinking, who is is with, does he love me ???? My head is spinning on things I CANT CONTROL.. I know that yet I cant stop it.. I know he is NOT responsible for MY happiness yet I can go from sad to happy with a simple phone call from him.. Just simply hearing his voice can change my day.. I know that I am wrong for feeling this way but I just CANT seem to change this..
I know that I am wrong for feeling this way but I just CANT seem to change this..
(((Tammy)))
You are never wrong for the feelings that you have. They are just feelings and you cannot help them.
I pray that your H finds the help he needs with this counselor. I totally understand about how your mood can change just hearing you As voice. Mine is my son but the urge to call him alot is strong. I guess I believe that I can control things if I know that they are happening. If he sounds like he is drinking when I talk to him I am depressed the rest of the day. If he sounds sober...I can tell right away about how my mood can change to positive. It is truly insane. I am doing much better with the calling. My sponser wants me to consentrate on " I AM POWERLESS"...just keep saying it when I start to "fall off the wagon and make that call"...sound familiar?
You are feeling such strong feelings, and it actually hurts you to see him hurting also, you want to make it better.
I believe you are so strong, and you will get stronger every day. Pray, pray and pray some more. As you know, the better you treat yourself and the busier you are, the better it seems to get.
I was just reading in "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drew about acting unafraid, just ACT unafraid every day, and soon you will begin to be unafraid. Hard task, but I'm feeling so much stronger, and I never thought I would. I highly recommend that book.
You are always in my prayers, and take good care of yourself!!
I know exactly how you feel. I believe that we are just as addicted to them as they are to the alcohol and drugs. I can remember spending alot of time wondering what the A was doing and who he was doing it with. It will drive you insane! I had to get busy. I started living life! I do still have moments from time to time where I wonder what he is doing but they no longer consume my thoughts. I do still miss him (we have been seperated for months) but it has gotten better. I have to ask myself sometimes if I actually miss the A or do I miss what I thought the A could or should have been.
