The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Where would I be without my AW. Probably in rehab myself or dead.
..... why would I say that. My Father was an active A most of my life. He didn't find sobriety until the fine state of Texas gave him a choice. Go to rehab or go to jail. It was his first DWI, but his blood alchohol content was just a fraction below fatal. He was driving between jobs at the time if you can believe that.
My Fathers brother was an A/Addict and died of his addictions just a couple of months ago. He attended rehab for the first time at age 13.
I drank in high school, and I was in college when all this "forced enlightenment" happened to my Father. Ever see animal house? I lived in a 4-plex with 4 other students from my home town. If we got graded on our parties, we would all have graduated with honors.
Somewhere along the way after we married at 21 I slowly lost interest in getting drunk myself. Looking back now, I think it was largely because I was constantly being the DD and keeper of my fun loving wife. She would have a blast, and I would let her. Heck someone had to drive home.
I have addictions myself, which is why I feel such empathy for those who are caught in this disease. I smoke and have tried all the miracle cures for that, and if I don't have my caffine in the morning, you better look out.
Would I really have been A if I hadn't married one? I don't know, but the tell tail signs are not good.
As I gather my courage to withstand tonights barriage "why are you doing this to me" and "I hate you" .... I am silently saying, you likely saved my life by being who you are.
I am just trying to return the favor.
Thank you so much for your prayers and support this week, and thank you all for being here.
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Good luck dealing tonight. Have you made any plans as to when and where this separation will take place? Hanging in limbo with her anger assaulting you every evening is not good for anyone. My ex filed for divorce and kept living in the house. Expecting me to be civil and make his food, do his laundry etc. It was the most difficult 45 days of my life so far. I wanted him to just go but he wanted full custody of our daughter. Yeah right! So his dirty lawyer told him he had to stay and try and force me out. I would not leave either...until we sold the home and we both had to go. There are going to be some major rough spots ahead for you. I am praying for you to be able to take what is yet to come.
"I am silently saying, you likely saved my life by being who you are." <--- WOW!!! What a powerful statement.
I know the life of the DD well. At first entertaining then it got old fast. I got tired of the drunk babble (almost like learning baby talk all over again) and the having to help my A walk. Shoot I have a hard enough time walking myself let alone helping someone else walk (Ms. Congenality {movie} has nothing on me).
I have read several of your posts over the time I have been in recovery. I know this road to discovery isn't an easy road for any of us. I have experianced a few of the things you have in your recovery. It is nice to read that someone else has gone threw them as well. For me it helps me to know that I am not alone and there are others that know where I am coming from. That is the great thing about it here no matter how bad of day I know I can come here to a place where I am love unconditionally and get the support I need from friends that don't judge and will let me be me.
Sorry for the ramble. I pray someday you find peace and serenity for you with your A. Remember you are important too, don't forget to do something for you today.
