The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Sunday,after a month long rollercoaster binge of alcohol and drugs, I asked my A to make a choice...enter rehab (again) or move out of my house and life. So of course the routine went...anger, denial, and today...quiet submissiveness. He called at work to pretend like I was just "over reacting" and I simply said..."I love you...but if you aren't going to rehab, you need to move out". He said he wasn't going to rehab. I said, "then you made your choice, and that's up to you, but I can't tolerate alcoholism in my life anymore."
I feel so good and strong tonight. I am making a really smart decision. I know can't help him anymore. I need to focus on myself. I've put on 30 pounds this year...that's how I deal with stress and depression. I can't wait to worry about me!
I feel no GUILT! Because I said what I said to him nicely. He made the choice and I didn't yell or scream or cry. I accepted his decision and as sad as I am we can't be together...in my heart I know I did everything possible to make it work. Counseling, visits to rehab, financial help, boosting his ego...on and on and on....It 's my turn to get a little attention. I'm so sick of the chaos. Worrying about whether he will be moody or happy or too loud or sad or angry or late or smell like booze or say something rude...etc etc etc
You sound like you've truly come to a decision you're prepared to live with. I just recently gave my A/Cokehead husband a similar choice... serious rehab or you're out. He also made the choice to continue using. I went through with my promise. I filed for divorce. I'm in the midst of it now.
It is a good feeling to be calm and strong. Several months ago, before I'd decided I'd had enough, I was almost as crazy as he was. Screaming, yelling, crying, throwing things. After I realized how powerless I was over his disease... I became much calmer and MUCH stronger.
I still miss my husband, but I've been missing him for a very long time. He's no longer the man I fell in love with. He's someone I need to be away from now and I don't feel guilty about that anymore. I also don't worry about him anymore, and that is a huge relief.
...and by the way, I have put on a lot of weight in the last few years, stressed out from living with an A. In the last couple of months since I made the decision to leave and take care of me... I've lost about 15 pounds! It's a start!
Keep taking care of YOU!
...artygirl.
-- Edited by artygirl at 00:30, 2006-10-12
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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
Well done! It's very hard sometimes to carry through with ultimatums and sometimes we are so weakened by the chaos that it is for them to persuade us that we are wrong, that we are over reacting etc.
I've been there so many times, and slipped so many times. I had no energy for the fight anymore and just gave in.
I don't anymore.
Now is your time to make choices for yourself and stick to them. You deserve love and respect from people in your life, and there are many who will give it to you.
Remember, IF NOTHING CHANGES NOTHING CHANGES. Now it's up to you.
You're in my prayers Yours....trying to recover everyday... AM
During the sharing of some of our members at my home group meeting this evening I got a real strong sense of "the courage to change the things that I can. ..." part of the Serenity Prayer. I just got it again after reading your post. You must have practice huh?
