The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A has taken to making comments od "When I am right ...
I Will date you again"
I will have another house"
be happy"
Usually i can hear these things and just let them go. The I will date you again comment really got me thinking though. In the last year or so I have been told I was the reason he drank, I was the reason he didn't, I was the reason he worked, I was the reason he was happy, i was the reason he was unhappy.
I let myself be confused and running in circles thinking I could be all those things until I heard the one about being the reason to use, then I left. I won't be that reason. i know the 3 C's, i know how egotisical it is to think I could be all these things. I have meditated and worked hard to truly find my part in the blame, and I do have alot of things I did wrong.
Hearing that comment made me wish for future possibilities that are 99% not possible. Date again? For what ... so I can build a life for myself while dragging him reluctantly along because nothing is EVER good, so he can grunt at my family while they make every effort to be kind and love him, to hope for children that may end up as miserable as he is now, to wonder how many lives he has going on besides ours that I am kept out of, to be reintroduced to a family he has spent 2 years convincing I am a horrible, vindictive, lying person who pushes him to do drugs and lie to me?
The funny thing is I am not sure if I am mad at the thought or have found a whole new way to grieve over this ending. I surrender to the pain of having no hope for "us" recovering our live, much less the hope of his recovery. While I sit in this no hope place, i try to think of ways to hope for myself but there is no room right now.
Thanks for reading. I wish everyone is well and happy.
There is always room for hope. This too shall pass. How terrible to be another person's reason for everything. I would not like that responsibility. Keep posting and reading your literature. We have to have hope that someday, somehow we will all be ok.
Think about it this way: have you ever heard a person say "when I have a million dollars I will..."
It sounds like your alcholic is wishfully thinking vs actually taking responsibility, and saying, "I need to get right, get better, and get it TOGETHER."
You're just fine honey. God don't make junk. And you honey, are a perfect creation of god.
It's not about him any more, it's about you. What do you want? The day I was able to say to my A "It's not all about you" without saying it mean was a wonderful day.
Once my sister told my A, If he'd sober up he could probably go back home. I won't tell you his reply to her, but he was actually sharing all this with me -- when he got the first part out I just said "Did you tell her I don't want you here?" You see they really do think it's all about them. Part of that is our fault, we play the game, we let them believe that it is. Well it's not.
From all that you've posted I know you are an incredibly beautiful and strong person. All of these things he is saying are weighing you down so I'm going to ask you to do what my Sponsor told me to do -- Go to your bathroom, stand at the toilet and start flushing, Every time you flush you say "That's a load of crap ... and I don't need it." It's very theraputic LOL... I'm serious, go now .... wear that handle out!
-- when he got the first part out I just said "Did you tell her I don't want you here?" You see they really do think it's all about them. Part of that is our fault, we play the game, we let them believe that it is. Well it's not. 
I'm serious, go now .... wear that handle out!