The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thank you for all the comments and input. Alcoholics are not the only ones who can fall off the wagon. We can too if we neglect to work the program like I have.
One of the comments was about grief I might still be harboring for my husband. I am grieving but not so much for my husband. I lost my sister a couple of months ago. She was 20 years older than me and more like a mother. I was unable to get back to my home town for the funeral so I don't feel any closure. I find myself picking up the phone to call her before I remember she is not here anymore. About a month before her passing, a young man at work was killed in an industrial accident where he was working part time. He was the sweetest kid and I loved him like a son. I am lucky that I get to work with a lot of young people and they are all very sweet and loving to me.
That brings me to something I learned a long time ago in Alanon when my husband was in the absolute depths of alcoholism. I learned that when you don't seem to be getting love and support at home, you can get it from attending meetings and talking to Alanon friends. It may not be the love you want from your spouse or mother or father but it is love nonetheless and it can sustain you. I know it did me. I guess I just needed to be reminded once again.
I lost a friend to cancer a little over a month ago. And just found out tonight, another friend is losing his battle with cancer. I've been thinking a lot about mortality, and gratitude, and how life is too short to spend any of it on resentments, anger, fear, and worry. Although I'm sure I will. But with God's help and continuing to work my program, I can choose not to waste those precious moments.
Welcome to MIP. I'm very sorry to hear of you loss. I know there are no words really to lessen your pain. We pain the most when we lose those we love the most.
My advice to you is to allow yourself time to grieve and go through all the stages of grief as best you can.
Don't be too hard on yourself.
And yes, you're quite right, there are many people who care. There are many people here who care and who understand. You are loved.
Sending you prayers that you may find your strength AM
Honey, how terrible ((BIG HUGS!)) Losing someone we're close to always brings out pain! ((Big Hugs!!)) Please, go to your meetings. If from experience they have helped you, you know they will again.
