The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I remember reading from one of our member's "Why do we have to be nice?" Well, dearest, just to prove that I chew my tounge off from biting it....
So yesterday I talked to my neurologist at my counselor's encouragment. Even though the migranes had gotten better they still hadn't gone away, and my councelor and I agreed that the fact that I was missing work, class, and my mood was becoming darker and darker was going to start a spiral which would take a dickiens of work getting out of. So after spilling my guts to his executive nurse--and don't ask how much it took to get to her--my doctor agreed that perhaps it was time to increase the maintence medication that keeps the migranes under control, which is to say, only when I have my period. "But he wants to emphasize," the nurse said, "That you're to keep exercising, meditating, eating a healthy diet, and getting plenty of sleep." What I wanted to say was Nah, I'll just become a fat slug that eats hershey bars all day and stays up all night...Of course I'll be doing those things!! The reason I'm calling you like a telemarketer is because those things aren't working and I need help!!
Today, my spanish professor hands back a journaling assignment with the title of "Who are you?" She refused to grade mine because, in her eyes, I hadn't done the assignment. I hadn't told her, for example, about my personality, about the things I like or dislike, about what I do in my free time, et cetera. What I wanted to say to this lady was, Well, I really don't think you want to hear about the darn near 2 decades I spent cleaning up my fathers vomit, his feces soaked sheets, his blood off the floor, trying to break up my parents fights, trying to break up the fights between my parents and me; Quite frankly lady, I don't know squat nor shine about nothing about me because I've spent the better part of my life taking care of other people, their dysfunctions, and their problems to the point that I had absolutely no idea that I hadn't bathed, slept, eaten, or was wearing dirty clothes. Now if she wants to hear about that, well, 50-75 spanish words will be quite easy, tyvm. The good news is, she wants me to re do it and hand it in monday.
Just wanted to re assure our new comers that just because I don't "say it mean" doesn't mean I don't think it.
I'm sorry, you sound like you have just had it today!!! You know when I feel like those responses I try to remember that people don't know what they say sometimes, or how they come across, or where you are. It sounds like you have had enough of everyone right now... I've been there.
Maybe a good meeting will help ease your frustration. Or just a quiet time away from everyone, shut off cell phone, etc. - it sounds like you are meditating but I'm so sorry about your migraines, I feel for people that have them, they sound so awful.
Have you tried that "Head-On" that you apply to your forehead? I have a friend that had horrible migraines and she swears by it. You can buy it over the counter.
I will pray for you and YES you are going to be okay again. You are a huge support here and my love and thanks go out to you today....
You have a lot of your plate right now dear, I will pray for your migraines to improve.
As far as that college assignment goes...
Well...I certainly had my share of those assignments in college and basically I just made stuff up. My reasoning being that professors assign that type of stuff because is it easier to write about what you know, not so much because they want to know your life story, although some of them do.
College is a big business lots of people getting rich off of our tuition payments although they are always crying poor...sigh.
Anyway, just as in any other business arrangement you have the right to your privacy.
You are NOT being graded on your life, you are being graded on your spelling, punctuation, expression, and ability to convery complex thoughts into words.
It is not in a court of law for example and you are not under oath.
I don't mean that I made it up out of the blue, like saying that I was a princess from another country who was adopted at birth, LOL, but I would make up harmless stuff to cover over parts of my life that I did not want to share.
Remember, you are being graded on your ability to convey thoughts with correct grammer and in an interesting fashion, NOT on truthfullness.
There is a lot of current debate right now about how private student's work is in college, I would be very careful about sharing private parts of your life in an essay. Some professors read student's essays to others classes as examples of "good" or "bad" papers.
It made me sad to read about the challenges you have faced in your life. I don't blame you for wanting to keep that private. I know that I too reached a point where enough was enough, I shared painful stuff with my therapist but refused to share it with every Tom, Dick, and Harry who asked for it.
You are gonna be Ok Tiger!
How do I know?
You are SMART, smart enough to do good things for you and go to college to have the hope of a happy independent life.
You are STRONG, strong enough to stand up for yourself with your neurologist and to do what you have to do to take care of you.
You are CARING, you care enough to frequently post here to help others, which will draw people to you. Friends are an important shelter in life stroms and you must have a lot since you are so compassionate with others.
You TAKE CARE OF YOU! This is the most important thing. You are learnign the wonderful balance of caring for others, but not at the expense of yourself.
With lots of love and prayers to you during this difficult time,
I can definitely appreciate that coming from your background it is hard to learn to negotiate. I really do. I have the same issue with dealing with doctors and other. I hope that things get better for you. I would also advise just make stuff up about who you are. You have no need to expose yourself to this teacher or make yourself vulnerable. I made a huge mistake early in recovery about being boundaryless about my background. These days the only people I speak to about my issues are those in recovery.
I am glad you are learning boundaries. Yes they are very very hard. Yes it can be difficult but you have us to come back to and check in with. I think you are doing phenomenal.
Sorry about your problems . Keep working at it for I know you know how you feel and what works and what doesn't.
Have you considered a different opinion re meds?
As for the English assignment, as far as I'm concerned, you can make up anything you want about your personal habits. It's really none of the teacher's business, just an excuse to get you writing.
I did appreciate your bold explanation here, but not sure you want to share that with others outside the program.
I'm all for the folks who think you should give that Prof a dose of reality!
If you need any help with the Spanish words ... well, you KNOW I have them and I would be happy to be a part of helping that Professor getting an education!
Keep your eye on the prize ... less than a year and you are out of college and into the world where you will get to make even MORE decisions for yourself and that can give you even more of a sense of taking back your power and having freedom.
Meaning ... yeah, it's all going to be ok. Like Bob Marley sings ... "Everything's gonna be alright ... Everything's gonna be alright."
Before you write all of the negative stuff about yourself in an essay for that professor, consider the fact that you may graduate and go on to get an MS degree and may at some point in the future want to teach part time at this college. Or, some of your professors now may end up being your collegues in some way.
Do you really want other people to know all of this stuff about you? Most people DON'T understand how this ugly stuff is survivable and may not want to work with someone who has undergone so much, they may think you may have turned out nuts (due to their ignorance).
Don't just think about today.
I wonder how many of those who told you to see if your professor can "handle the truth" graduated successfully from college...
College is not a game it is serious business and can affect your entire professional future.
I just hope you are not an education major as emotional and psychological stability are very important in this field.
I know a few students who did not learn to be discreet and who 'let it all out" in assignments such as this, seeing if the professor and the rest of us "could handle the truth" as they vented IN CLASS who underwent some serious psychiatric scrutiny before being allowed to continue in the program. They later said they regretted it as they had to go to a whole bunch of appointments with psychologists and college psychological professionals as to their suitability to stay in the program.
Statistics show that abused people often become abusers...so keep that in mind that this is the common belief.
Just be careful, you are working so hard and have come so far I would hate for something to haunt you later.
Trust your instincts...they were to keep this stuff private.
Unless you want to seem like a emotionally damaged basket case future abuser (to the uneducated general public) I would keep this level of abuse private.
Maybe a dose of reality is just what this "professor" needs.