The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Lilms posted about its importance, but I don't really understand it. It feels like I am embarassed or ashamed to need help. I'm proud I attend alanon and am taking care of myself in that manner. I am more grown up than to tell someone else's story or out them, but it feels like the "before" behavior. Can anyone help me with this? I've heard we're as sick as the secrets we keep, yet anonymity is a foundation of our program. ouch!
If everyone had an equal understanding and knowledge of the disease of alcoholism, anonymity wouldn't be an issue. But of course in such a perfect world, we wouldn't need a program either!
I don't think of anonymity as keeping a secret. I see it as confidentiality. Maybe the meanings are blurred, but to me secret implies an intent to deceive. Confidentiality simply means respecting our fellow members... not repeating what was said at meetings, or who was there.
I know many people in recovery who are very proud of it. However, the nature of the disease is that recovery is not guaranteed for life. If I tell everyone in earshot that I'm a sober alcoholic and proud of it, and a week later my name is in the paper for a DUI arrest, that's a bad thing for the fellowship. It imprints on those people I blabbed to, that AA doesn't work. Which is not true; again - there is not a broad understanding of alcholism and addiction within society as a whole.
And it's not my responsibility to educate the world about alcoholism, or cure it, or be a spokesman for recovery. My responsibility is to keep the traditions - especially those respecting anonymity - my own, and others - and to be there when a hand reaches out for help. Anonymity is very much in line with keeping to our primary purpose and not getting involved in outside issues.
I take as a personal choice. There are some people and even kids who live with violence, and if thier alcoholic found out they were in a program to get help because of it the consequences could be servere.
There are some A's that are very against alanon and keeping it annoymous is the only way they can get help for themselves without worrying about anything except thier own recovery.
Hope this helps you.
kerry
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Life can only be understood backwards, But it must be lived forwards
I have found that I am very lucky in the meetings I attend because seven years later, I have never had my anonymity broken nor have I ever acknowledged anyone outside the meeting unless we were both alone and they gave me the nod of approval.
I too believe we are only as sick as our secrets but in Alanon I also learned that some members were more trustworthy than others. Trust and respect are two qualities that I wait and wait and listen and watch to see who "earns" those from me. When they do, they are someone worth hearing my 4th step - doing some 5th step work. Sharing with a trusted member my "sick secrets" helps me rid myself of the blame and shame that I had lived with for so many years and makes room for all of my wonderful assets to come shining through.
But in no case do I believe that anyone should ever break anyone's anonymity - no exceptions.
Thanks for the post and I hope this helps make sense to you.
yours in recovery,
Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Hi Jill , to me anonymity protects my husb identity He is and was a professional in our city and very well known ,not giving my last name kept our personal business out of his business.
Also i had children and had to protect them too as I was a sponsor in Alateen for awhile.
as to my personal anonymity I don't care who knows I attend this prog with out it like you God only knows where I would be now, it change my life and that of those i loved. If i choose to break my anonymity that is m y business.
I have a friend who says I don't care who u tell that U were at the Tues nite meeting , just don't tell them you saw me there. makes sence
I'm very proud I am involved in Al-anon...but I sincerely hope those that know I am involved do not go blab to everyone that they saw me there or what I shared.
Just because an 'A' got us our 'ticket to ride' in Al-anon doesn't mean that behaviors weren't present prior to our association/relationship with the A. Some are adult children of alcoholics...and may have been dealing with addictions of loved ones for a long, long time prior to getting involved. There is so much 'history' before our entering and working the program, that someone, somewhere most likely has quite a dish they could serve if they were so inclined.
For some reason, I think..."What about the former legal prostitute?" "What about the girl that prostituted herself for her A's addictions?" "What about all the lies that have been told to cover for the A." "What happens if past behavior that one is not proud of is released into the general population?" The consequences could be devastating.
I'm proud of my involvement with Al-anon. I am proud that I can trust some with those behaviors of mine from the past that I wouldn't stand atop the highest building and shout it to the world. I would, however, stand on the highest building and admit to being in Al-anon.
I agree that anonymity is about confidentiality. Keeping, in confidence, the persons you see in the program, what you hear in the program...If it was meant to be public knowledge, it would be more like a town meeting...a town meeting in a very small town..where everyone knows everyone else's business.
More ramblings of mine...and I do hope my take on anonymity helps some...
All this feed back confirms that the subject is of utmost importance. For me it simply breaks down to keeping another member safe from the negative affects of the disease of alcoholism whether real or imagined. Those who have been affected by this disease have lost much in all aspects of their lives. Breaking their anonymity could have them loosing more or all.
I have had my anonymity broken in the past for several reasons...usually the fear by another member due to pressure put on them by their alcoholic or someone they allowed to have power over them. As a result I have at times been threatened physically at meetings and over the phone, yes even with death. Obviously these threats never came to pass but had I still been practicing my "respond to all things with fear" reactions I might have left this life saving program and looked for a cave to hide out in...maybe the very same one I left to enter the program. Literally I would have been driven out of recovery, back out into chaos and insanity away from many who could help me and maybe not looked for another opportunity to trust Al-Anon ever again.
One of the engines that drives this disease is fear. Protecting another members anonymity helps them to learn trust and move away from living in fear constantly. After a time in recovery many of them, us, me no longer respond fearfully and we respond with courage. We are no longer in fear. Before we reach that condition, no matter how long it takes, "Anonymity remains the spiritual foundation of all our traditions." It provides us with a veil of protection from others who could harm us in many different ways.
Thanks for bringing it up again!! ((((((hugs))))))
Think of it this way: You didn't come here because publisher's clearing house offered you a grand prize. As you grew in the program, the shame and grief faded. But for some of us, we may never be free of these feelings. And for others of us, we may have already had our family's emotional disaster's splashed in the news, on TV, on the radio, on the internet, and need a private space to be emotional. So anon. assures us that, at least within these rooms, we have a space where we can be our true selves
I understand that we are as sick as the secrets we keep. I also believe that the truth heals us, while deception and lies keep us sick. At the same time, I have never been comfortable with the thought of spilling my guts in the presence of strangers. Specially as the guts often involve other people (my family members) personal business also. Then I received advice that works for me. Stick to the truth, but you don't have to tell everyone everything. A lot of the times it is perfectly ok to keep my mouth shut. When I decide whether I should speak up or be quiet I ask myself if the other person has the right to know or not.
