Well, I did go ahead and tell my A that I was going to put myself in Al-Anon again.  I figured it was safe to call him since he had been over the other day to fix something in the house and we were nice to each other. So I told him about the bill collectors who keep calling here 5 times a day for him and won't quit until he calls them himself (they are annoying me to death). Since I had him on the phone, I went ahead and told him that I wanted to tell him something (he gave one of those 'ooooh,boy. here we go again' sighs) and I said it was not to harrass him or anything but it was to tell him I was going to Al-Anon and working on-line with other people. I didn't expect or want it to go further than that which it didn't. He said a quick "oh yeah" and went directly to another topic about our kids. And we talked for a while about them and then said good-bye. He didn't tell me about going to AA and I wasn't expecting it or wanting to talk about it. I just wanted him to know what I was doing. I think I wanted him to know that I am calmed down and working on myself and am no longer impossible to talk to. But also there's a big piece of me that still clings to him and hopes for the best between us ( I didn't tell him THAT - it's just what I think). But I also remember how it really is and how I do not want him to think he has something over me just because I called him. In other words, it's like he'll think I'm the one who needs to clean up my act before he'll come back home! Now I want to kick myself for having told him what I was doing. Maybe I still cling to this hope for a hunky dory future...............I also wonder if they (our A's) think about us the way some of us might think of them, I mean here I am trying to deal but he is still on my mind a lot especially because he isn't drinking. I wonder if he's over in that motel room of his wondering about me, thinking about calling me. I like to think he is but then I think that if he is thinking about me, he's having an easier time not calling me - he didn't call me about going to AA. I'm sitting on my hands so I won't call him! I think I better stop thinking so much and find something better to do. It's giving me a headache (smile)......jaja