The material presented
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to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yesterday when my AH got home from work (around 4 pm) he asked what I wanted for dinner, then offered to go to the store to get it. I said sure! He came home with a large bottle of wine, steak and salad. We ate dinner, watched TV, he talked to our daughter's soccer coach on the phone, quizzed her on her spelling words.
This morning when he got up he proclaimed that today was his "day 1." (again) Then he told me that he doesn't remember anything about last night. Not the drive to and from the store, dinner on the back porch, conversation with coach, quizzing daughter, nothing. His last memory is about 3:30 pm, he was up until 9:15.
The scariest part is that it is usually plainly obvious when he is intoxicated. He slurs, "takes naps," won't answer the phone. This time I had no clue. When he left for the store I thought he hadn't had anything to drink. I thought the wine in the evening was it. WRONG!
I am so truly afraid for his life. He has gained 50 lbs in a year (300lbs). His cholesterol is through the roof (over 475). Liver is enlarged. I thought he had been drinking less, but he admitted this morning that he has to drink an enormous amount to even get a buzz these days. On Sunday he drank the equivalent of 33 beers. He drinks this stuff called Steel Reserve, which is 8% alcohol. It costs $1.09 for a 24 oz. can. He drank 200 ounces of it.
He is either going to get sober or die trying. I pray that this is the last day 1. I have no expectations except that he is going to die young whether he quits or not. The damage is too great.
I hate that beer & wine is so cheap and readily available - 24 hours a day 7 days a week. It is not necessary!
It might help for you to make peace with the concept of black outs if you perhaps looked at how the medical community looks at black outs. Google or go to the local college and ask for how the medical community sees black outs as a greater link in a chain.
Often times, we see black outs as a negative thing. Generally speaking, black outs have no bearing positive or negative on the behavior--what makes them disturbing is that there are entire days, weeks, months, years where the person has NO memory. People have discussed entire events being blocked out--some lawyers have shared in their stories giving stellar closing arguments (in a black out) and honestly wondering WHAT it was their colleagues were talking about when they would refer to that "fantastic argument you presented that day": they had NO memory of the incedent!
Doctors have performed surgeries in black out; pioits have flown in these. They're serious stuff. Ultimately, the decision to commit to sobriety is between an individual and their god. God and god alone can keep a person sober. Nothing else.
Hate to say it, but even if the wine & beer wasn't cheap and easily available they would still get it if they wanted it bad enough!! During the active years of our life, I thought if my AH didn't have any money then he wouldn't drink or buy drugs - WRONG!! - He pawned things, stole money from us, family, etc. whatever he needed to feed his addiction. That is the nature of the disease.
But back to you, congratulations on staying out of 1st day. I do hope that your AH finds a support group of some kind, (AA, church, rehab,etc) to help him with his problem. Try to take the focus off of him and take care of you. Remember the slogans and Let go & Let God,
One Day at a Time,
Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I had this same thing happen right before I left. My AH carried on a horrible conversation but showed absolutely NO signs of being drunk. He also usually slurs etc. and this time he was crystal clear. I was irate when I realized that the whole horriffic argument/conversation I had with him he was drunk and I didn't know it. I felt like such an idiot! I wonder if that's just the next step in the progression. I don't think he was blacked out, he seemed to remember everything said and done then and after. Strange though. thanks for sharing!
If it is a day one of any kind he will be detoxing in no time. He will need sweets. Juice, candy, stuff like that. I pray that it is his last day one. Just be ready. Detoxing can get scary and dangerous at times for ones who drink at an excess.
Don't be so sure your husband will die young. I have seen some people abuse themselves HORRIBLY and still come out swinging.
You never know, just don't be so dire about your concern.
My husband has done worse than yours and is doing great.
He once tried to quit drinking by abusing herbs instead. He researched calming herbs.
He used to buy FIVE large bottles of these herbs every night (and YES it is was incredibly expensive which is why he went back to alcohol...).
1) Kava Kava
2) Valerian root.
3) Passion flower.
4) skullcap
5) red clover
Then take ALL five BOTTLES in one sitting!!!!
He would break open the capsules and dissolve it in hops tea, then take up to ten of the other pills at once. All he did was swallow pills and tinctures.
He did this for days in a row, for more than a year.
He should NOT have a liver left...
But he does.
It is hard to find kava kava anymore since it is hard on yoru liver and has put many healhty people into liver failure and taht is at the rcommended dosage!
My point?
Try not to think about this stuff...take care of YOU!
You don't know what the future holds for him...just work on making sure you will be OK no matter what.
Our stories are very similar...((((((((((((babysteps)))))))))), lets help each other hang in there...
You do need to take care of yourself, no matter what, as the others said. Pretty amazing tales! Yes, some people can go years and years. My husband said that after my 2 cats die, he doesn't want anymore cats in the house. I say, "whatever,they will probably outlive you, because they don't drink cases of beer and smoke 3 packs of cigs a day."
I love my AH, but things are so hard sometimes, I have horrible thoughts that it would be easier if he did just die. Now isn't that the most selfish thing you've ever heard??? I feel awful for even thinking that, but I'm being honest.
The pain and sorrow of watching someone you love die a slow and agonizing death sure can take its toll. And I feel like everytime he gets drunk, he's just that much closer. But he may outlive me if I don't take care of myself~
Blackouts don't just happen when the A's are totally drunk. My A drinks daily, has for years. I thought he just had a bad memory, then one day he couldn't hide it anymore. I took some pictures of him -- we were goofing in the kitchen, he'd only had a beer or two. They were really good pictures. The next day he takes the camera (digital) and flips thru the pictures and says "When did you take these?"
That is just a small example. There are many, many others -- some really disturbing. The thing is that black outs aren't just what we see in TV movies, getting smashed and not remembering what we did the night before -- When someone has poured alcohol in their system for years, it really does affect their brain.
I agree w/ Tiger, there is a good bit of info out there to read on this. It may help you understand what is going on. I know it helped me realize I wasn't crazy as my A would gaslight me into thinking I must have been mistaken, it was his way of covering up his blackouts.
