The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been going off and on to a f2f mtg in my area. it is a small town and there's only 1 and they meet once a week. There are always the same 5 adults and 1 teen there. Last meeting there were as many kids as adults and the entire meeting was run by one of the kids as an alateen meeting. The kids are all kids of the 2 leaders of the anon group. The kids seemed like they were resentful of having to be there (usually the teen does her homework). I believe that this is how every meeting is run and I don't think I can continue to go. I don't know who to talk to about it. I don't feel comfortable talking around the teens/kids. Especially considering they seem to be forced into going. I feel a little stuck, I'd like to find a good group that I like going to but the area is so rural. I have heard others say that they don't like the meeting and don't go because of the kids which is why it's always the same 5 adults I think. Any suggestions would be GREATLY appreciated!
wow carolina, this is the reason I do not go to f2 f meetings! the ones here always have kids in the room. I hate it. I cannot concentrate, I love kids, so I am always smiling and watching them!
Plus I want to be able to let go and share, sometimes back then i was going thru some wierd sex things with the A. that did not come out right lol I don't mean kinky, gads...and here i just mentioned hand cuffs to you. lll
oh someone throw me the duct tape. anyway my A was exhibiting some things, saying things that I found not real loving???
so how could I blurt THAT out???
sigh, well you could start your own meeting with no kids, Maybe help get an alateen meeting for the kids to go into while the adult meeting met. or maybe have two meetins a week one with kids one not.
I went to the meetings on here for years. Now i come here. I like responses and learn lots here. The chat room is no longer safe so I do not go there.
Would love to be an op but don't know how to set up the program!!
Sounds like a great time to chair a meeting. "Hey! I think I would like to chair this meeting today if nobody objects." You are not responsible for others in the program. If they don't want to be there....that is their deal.
I had something like this not to long ago. We started an Alanon group once a week and it turned in to a bunch of hens in the house bashing the alcoholic. There was no sign of recovery. I would leave the meeting feeling more stressed than I had came. I was surrounded by all this negativity and not to mention I aside from two other had been in the program the longest. Long story short. I didn't want to have to stop attending the meeting because it wasn't recovery......I stood up and asked if I could chair a few meetings if no one disagreed. It was welcomed. (I had also never chaired a meeting before and knew it was time).
The meetings have gotten much better. Even though it is a new and small group. There are going to be some growing pains. Atleast, I can see some recovery in it for me. So, I keep coming back.
I take my children to the meetings. Many times they couldn't care less what is going on. Other times I catch them paying attention. Considering what they have been through....if there is something at those meetings that can help in a way I cannot explain then thank goodness. I will not shelter them anymore. I do make sure they do not distract others as well.
Which brings me to "Our story is disclosed in a general way". This doesn't mean I have to let it all hangout at the meeting when my kids are there or not. Or any kids for that matter. If I do need to get it all out, I leave that for my sponsor, or another in the program to listen, or here. That is just me. Others may see things differently.
I feel somewhat spoiled - in a major city, there are a lot of meetings to choose from as well as a larger base of experience. Many of the oldtimers rotate their meetings and it keeps things balanced. My home group recently lost one of it's most respected elders, who passed away a couple years ago. He is still sorely missed - no one realized the extent of his contributions not only to service work and doing a lot of the grunt work, but just in keeping the meetings balanced and focused. Reliance on one person is never a good thing, no matter how much that person is loved and respected. His passing got a number of others involved in service work and more people have shouldered the responsibility.
I hate to see a meeting degenerate into A-bashing, advice-giving, crosstalk, or just politics and "overhead". Especially when there are people who are hurting - newcomers or otherwise. I too find it frustrating when I really "need a meeting" and we're at the 25-minute mark and still working our way through the announcements. I learned a long time ago to let it go, however when I chair a meeting I specifically ask for brief announcements, and it's my goal to get down to the program as quickly as possible. I think that's just the AA-er in me... generally, AAs have a low tolerance for preliminaries. And maybe for some of us, "making busy" is a diversion. I consider far too much of my life a diversion as it is... meetings are a time to focus on the program, not to dwell on 10 bucks here or there in the treasury.
Go to your district rep and talk to her , if there is not an alateen group in your area the teens are welcomed in Al-Anon meetings . If they are disruptive go to the district perhaps she will have a solution for the dilema .
As for talking in a meeting , keep it general and talk the more intimate problems out with a sponsor . i wish u luck don't give up yet . find that district rep. Louise
I couldn't help but notice that you said "leaders" of the group - Sweetie - that group is just as much yours as it is theirs.
Tradition Two "For our group purpose there is but one authority-a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants, they do not govern."
I too find it distracting when children are brought to a meeting. I really have to practice tolerance and acceptance - I would hate for that Mom or Grandmother to miss the meeting because of a lack of babysitter.
Sometimes, a newcomer can spark change in a meeting that has just gotten in a rut. You could be that spark. If that doesn't work for you - there are always the online meetings and try Open AA meetings.
Don't give up before the miracle happens in you - You deserve it!!
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I very much like the idea of taking the chance to chair - that is a good way to turn things around. It also may be time for your town to have two meetings, and who better than you to start the second one....
I was also gonna encourage you to go to the open AA meetings again. If you're not getting the recovery from the alanon/alateen meetings, go to the open AA meetings. You don't have to say anything if you don't want to, or you can if you do. You don't have to do anything.
The learning is in the listening. The healing is in the feeling.
You could also ask for a group conscience meeting on this where the members vote if they want teens there or not and express the discomfort you have openely and the other members can do that also.
kerry
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Life can only be understood backwards, But it must be lived forwards
I have only been to a few meetings I don't feel comfortable or prepared enough to chair one. I'm going to consider driving an hour each way to one in a bigger city.
Sounds like a great idea. Have you picked up a sponsor yet? That will make a HUGE difference in confidence. As for chairing, a great idea is always taking a reading from one of our books; a step or a tradition and reading a paragraph from PATHWAYS TO RECOVERY or HOW AL ANON WORKS FOR FAMILY AND FRIENDS OF ALCHOLICS; a slogan, and the paragraph under it from HOW AL ANON WORKS...
Just some ideas. BTW, you're growing so much. PLEASE keep it up. You're doing great. Really.
