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AH is beginning day 2. This time he isn't going through heavy-duty withdrawal, which is nice. BUT...it drives me nuts that when he is drinking he can just drop all responsibility. I do everything (run business, clean house, pay bills, cook, take care of child, mow grass). Then when he is sober for a day or two he just marches and acts like he is a ceo!
I am trying to get back into shape. This morning he started telling me what I was doing wrong (I weigh 123, he weighs 300). Pardon me?
He started telling me how "we" need to spend more time at the office. I am there from 9-3 pm five days per week. He hasn't been there in over a month.
He said the length of the grass in our backyard is "embarrassing." I mow the front yard with a push mower every week. The back yard is a 1/2 acre and his responsibility. Mow the darn thing!
When he is drinking I hear none of this, I just take care of the things I can. He sobers up for a day and starts all this chit chat about things he's going to do now that he is sober. Then, he starts up again and none of it gets done by him. I guess I am mad because I know he is full of empty promises. I hold my tongue and act supportive, but I really want to say, "shut up and prove it! Don't tell me all the things you are going to do, take action and do them." I am not a betting person, but his parents (who are A's) are coming to visit this weekend (staying in a hotel thnk hp), so I can pretty much guarantee that he will be smashed again by Sunday.)
Sorry to be such a downer. I am going to start this day over.
DAY 2! That is great! You know, I don't have a clue what my AW will do when/if she stops drinking, but I know my Dad did what your hubby is doing when he got back from rehab. He was and still is an absolute tornado of activity.
You know what, I think that is the only reason he is still alive.
Without the alcohol his mind was spinning so fast that if he didn't occupy it with something, he was just going to bust... or relapse.
You wouldn't take much stock in his demands when he was drinking 3 days ago, and I bet just because he is not drinking today that those comments are just as disease driven as ever. If you know they are not true, then you are golden. Just keep on rocking. Maybe remind him where the mower is... That would keep him out of your hair for about 3 hours. LOL
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
hello Baby , yep sobriety is tough but day 2 he is stark raving sober. hehe i was told that stage lasts for a yr ,proved to be right in my case. A sence of humor works baby when he starts to rant a simple YOu could be right and leave the room stops arguments in thier tracks.
or a sorry u feel that way and leave the room . the trick it seems is to leave the room l It won't take h im long to discover that u cannot have a argument with only one person in the room . Took my husb a week hehe quick learner when sober.
Try not take his ranting personally ,it's really not about you he knows the work u have done he truly is stark raving sober. go to lots of meetings for yourself find a sponsor and share whats going on in your life. You will find othes who have been thru this and will share thier experiences with you .
Humor probably saved my husb life a few times and i had been warned what sobriety would be like they sober up our defects are all they see. so I was prepared. Luckily This too shall pass.
This is where the acronym JADE comes in--don't Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain. Right now, your husband is going through physical detox. What he needs to do, whether he does it or not, is go to an AA meeting, or be with other people who understand what it's like for the first 90 days to be without alchol. You have no reason to Justify the way you've lived to your husband--as one woman put it to an alcholic who came to an Al anon meeting, "Who was taking care of her while you were out there doing God knows what?" You don't get into any Arguments with him--what he's doing when he talks about your weight, the way you're cooking, the way you're cleaning is BAITING--he wants to focus on someone else because he's absolutely miserable: he feels physically like dog poop, mentally he cant think worth a darn (now would be a BAD time to take up calculus), and emotionally he feels like the son of the scum of the earth, because he's realizing that GASP! you had a life without him! You found a way to live without him! (Granted it was terribly painful, but still, you managed). Now is also not the time to Defend yourself--he can tell you that your hair needs to be purple with red strpes with you are honestly of the opinion it needs to be red with purple stripes, but DO NOT defend your thinking. You have a program; you have a sponsor; you have meetings; and honey, if he won't go to AA meetings YOU GO! Go to the open AA meetings FOR YOU! Lastly, don't DO NOT explain. Don't explain HOW you clean your kitchen--it was clean when he was drunk, wasn't it? Don't explain how you get your kids ready for school--they were at school when he was nursing his millions of hangovers, right? Ask somoene if there's something, if anything you need to say. If he gets snippy, say simply "Where were YOU when they needed to go school?" Just cuz he's here now don't mean a thing!
Two days don't count for nothin. He's got ALOT of time to make up for. And don't feel a bit guilty about your feelings. They are perfectly yours in every way.
I think this is high horse syndrome. LOL Mine does this too. So glad I moved out now I don't have to threaten to leave if he doesn't follow through I just don't have to go back! I can wait and watch and see if he's going to do all those things he says he's going to or just keep talking. I'm glad I don't have to be looking for signs of screwing up anymore I can just do my thing and if he does he does oh well not my problem. I refuse to let his irresponsibility be my problem ANY MORE!
My A drinks every 3 days like clock work, just when I think I can start to stand him he's drinking and i realize he won't change. Good luck, I hope your's does.
