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when whatever you do isn't enough
(Preview)
The A has very very few bills to pay anymore yet he regularly lets so many of them go that it is really difficult for me not to say anything. Today I found out that he has let the main telephone line be cut off. That's a new one. I have allowed him to use my cell phone this week, now he is acting like it is hi...
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maresie2
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3
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592
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The red flags were right!!!!!
(Preview)
(((((((((((((((((((Alanuts))))))))))))) Thought I would update my wonderful family here on how my new date went. You may remember that I was concerned about the amount this guy was drinking on our first two dates. A year out of the relationship with my ex A ........I was very anxious to ensure I did...
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chris52
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11
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610
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Need to vent!!
(Preview)
My grandmother invited my 9 year old and I over for dinner this evening. She made a beef stew to be placed over egg noodles. My daughter didn't understand the concept, so I explained it to her. She said she did not want beef stew. So my grandmother started having a fit because she wanted everything to go he...
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kissers
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4
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420
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Just found out husband relapsed
(Preview)
Everyone's been asking him for at least 6 months and he's been insisting he isn't drinking. Tonight I'd finally had enough. All the signs were there and I knew he had been drinking, but he continued to deny it. He finally admitted it. I guess I should be relieved since it's been go...
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Josmom
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3
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363
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thankful
(Preview)
Yesterday and today my husband thank me for being supportive of him, for not giving him a hard time about what was going on. I stood by him and was very supportive and he was very greatful he gave me a hug last night and thank me. He also told me this morning he was glad I help him by being supportive. I feel the...
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nycbt
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1
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302
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How I can tell I haven't graduated yet...
(Preview)
((((((My special family)))))) Some days I do better than others. Detatching from unacceptable behavior is getting easier, being honest about my part in things is getting easier (I am more honest with myself), but here is the humbling part: I have a hard time telling anyone no. I do it... but then I f...
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rtexas
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11
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874
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What do you think?
(Preview)
My A son is home (not here) from working about 2-3 weeks in the oil patch. He called and I was'nt home so I called him back. He is always down or at least sounds that way to me. He doesn't know when he is going to work again. He never sounds"down" when he talks to other people-just me. S...
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meagain
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6
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527
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Treat yourself
(Preview)
Hello ((Everyone)) I've been being nice to myself for quite a few months now. Those little things a gourmet chocolate once a week, extra dog treats for Sully, taking the time to comb thru resale places for cheap cashmere I could not afford new. I've done so well at getting used to being nice to m...
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Jennifer
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1
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368
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So tired...is there hope?
(Preview)
Will Al-Anon be able to help me. I left an abusive marriage after 23 years and jumped right into a new marriage without really taking the time to heal. Three years later it is obvious that my new husband is an alcoholic and I have traded one set of problems for another. On top of all of this, I now live four st...
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Wilted
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8
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554
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Being overinvolved in other's lives
(Preview)
Last night at my f2f someone was talking about being involved in worrying, trying to control, trying to fix other's situations. She said she believes that when she became overinvolved with someone elses issues...it was because there was something about her own life that she was avoiding look...
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Gailey
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5
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636
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Who'd a thunk it
(Preview)
Oh who would of ever thought I would be in this position. Just trying to sit here and figure it all out. But as we all know in life with a A, or in my case (and a lot of yours) a whole family of A's, life don't make sense. We just have to hang out and do what is right for us living amidst it. Recently my AH&#...
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doxie
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7
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700
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...
(Preview)
... -- Edited by fluffy at 06:00, 2007-01-25
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fluffy
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3
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428
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I'm feeling very sad today!
(Preview)
Today is a sad day. My dil is going to court today to finalize hers and A son's divorce. I prayed for over a year that it would never actually come to that. It was not meant to be...I guess. They have both gone on and are with different partners now. My son has gotten a job that he really likes and seems to b...
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Gailey
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7
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519
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What have I done to my children?
(Preview)
My 12 yo daughter was supposed to stay at a friend's house until tonight but had to come home early yesterday. First, her and her friend spray painted F you on the wall inside the shed at the girls house. They painted over it and that problem was solved. Now last night the two of them were home alon...
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carolinagirl
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5
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555
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can't keep anything nice
(Preview)
i offered my ex my car so he could go to his inservice meeting. on the way back he hit a deer. not too much damage, just cosmetic. i was so mad. it was my dad's car and i always feel like i am betraying his memory when i let my ex drive the car. i only let him take the car when it is to my benefit or the kids. so i fe...
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serendipity
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5
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585
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Enabling....leads to so many problems
(Preview)
(((Hello MIP))) Today is one of those days for me where I can see the down spiral effects of enabling. My AH has been enabled by someone almost all of his life including me. We have sheltered him and bailed him out of problem after problem and because of that he has no real concept of the world and how it wo...
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twinmom2
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3
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444
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Every swear word I can think of
(Preview)
Yep I can swear like a sailor when I want to but I won't bore you with it. Or myself. My A is out of jail with a new charge .... operating a vehicle without owner's consent. But the funniest part he had consent but she is married and can't explain the whole situation to her husband. I'm accepting what that rea...
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Jennifer
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2
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525
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When the pot has run out and the A becomes depressed
(Preview)
(((Friends)))
What a wicked number it does to a person when they have run out of the booze or the drugs. My AH has been home with the kids this week because he hasn't had work in two weeks. We're financially hanging on by a thread, but one alternative was to take the kids out of daycare for a week or two to...
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twinmom2
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5
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537
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To Carolinagirl and Andrea12 - Thank You!
(Preview)
Thank you so much Carolinagirl & Andrea12 for your replies to my LONNNGGG post yesterday. It was very encouraging.
Carolinagirl - you mentioned the money thing and how he hasn't worked in 13 months. Well, he hasn't worked STEADY. He has managed to hold down a job for a month or 2 here and there. And c...
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QOD
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4
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550
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Just need to vent
(Preview)
I just need to vent and I know....I know, get to more face to face meetings. My A is my 17 year old son and he is making me crazy. He is an alcoholic/addict and is non-compliant with his meds for his bi-polar which just makes it so much more unmanageable. He has been in outpatient treatment and in residen...
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Sallen
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2
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448
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So tired of the game!
(Preview)
It has been a while since I have posted. Life is so busy. We finally sold our house and I bought a new one in my own name. We moved last Tuesday. Or rather should I say, the kids and I with the help of my family, moved a huge household worth of stuff. My AH was absent through most of it. No wait, that is not fai...
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QOD
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5
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484
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men vs. women--just a thought
(Preview)
I have been thinking lately about the differences between the men's and the women's responses to their situations and in their posts/responses to others. Sometimes I get rather jealous--this may be in my head or just the way I'm seeing it, but the men seem to be so matter of fact about th...
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hudsond
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7
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608
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Next few days are going to be tricky...
(Preview)
(((((Everyone))))) Well as some of you know my AW and I seperated 3 months ago. I told her that I loved her, but if she was actively drinking that I could no longer live that way. The chaos that spins around her is just not healthy for me and the kids. Here is the tricky part. She has run short on money ove...
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rtexas
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11
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646
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Getting through depression w/wout meds
(Preview)
Hey ya'll, I'm stumbling around the new (to me) world of depression and anxiety and would like to know how some of you handle it. Without meds and with - how do "they" as in Doctors figure out what is right for you? Using the power of hindsight I have figured out my Mom went through ye...
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Orchid Lady
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6
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708
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Negativity
(Preview)
I just realized a few days ago, that I have no clue how truly negative of a person I am. I'm sure I have a belief that humans are abusive, violent and critical and this shapes what happens to me. Even though I know about positive mental programming & I enjoy relationships, I am still more negat...
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kitty
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10
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686
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Every dog has his day..
(Preview)
"You're telling me that an unarmed man with one leg just robbed a bank and then wheeled over here to get a sub?" Virginia sub-shop manager Amanda Carriker, to police officers searching for a disabled man they suspected of robbing a nearby bank. The accused reportedly stopped for a san...
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Tiger2006
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6
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618
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Not feeling resentful towards my hubby....
(Preview)
Hey ((((((((roomies))))))) Well here i go again venting I feel kindof like a broken record but It is what is on my mind!!! My Hubbys Dad Calls him this morning like he does every Sunday morning to tell my hubby that he got his blood test results that he had taken a few weeks ago and had talked with his doc abo...
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bubbles1990
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7
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589
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Chaos has subsided for now....learning more about me
(Preview)
Well, I know that my posts are very confusing sometimes, probably because I am confused so much all the time. I think this one begins with me. I am starting to see that by not naggin about the A's drinking he has more time to think about it himself. sometimes I do slip and say things he has done that has h...
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hippietrippiechick
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4
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526
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the outreached comforting hand of al anon
(Preview)
I had an experience at a f2f mtg that ... well ... writing a bit about it here clarified it for me. But I don't think I'll post about it. It is a bit of a gray area of whether to post or not. But as discretion is often the better part of valor, I'll just say: I hope the person will keep coming back...
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emma
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3
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357
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progress & slippery slope backsliding
(Preview)
So, I thought I was doing well enough to start allowing my ex (A) and father of my son back into my life a little more, he'd come over here for dinner and spend time with our son and we'd take our son out on weekends together. He says the drinking and associated bad behaviours is over. But I still d...
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mama_nz
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2
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1023
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Letting go of pain shall create freedom
(Preview)
Hello everyone. Here is a poem I wrote before al-Anon. it is dark and dismal but with your help and my own and my HP I feel I am heading for the freedom I have longed for. I just wanted to share this. To me Sunshinedt I wanted it to say that although we feel we start out in fear and pain there is freedom like the do...
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DT1221
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0
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486
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Hurt But Not Angry
(Preview)
Hi all, Its been a tough few weeks for me. Theres something changed in me. The way i deal with things. Things do happen and i get down about it, however its just not the end of the world anymore. I dont feel so panicky now, when things are rough. Which feels very strange in new territory. I also dont stay down...
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kerry5
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2
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494
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trust
(Preview)
My husband has been clean since Friday. Before he got clean he was lying to me all the time, disappearing for an hour and a half. Then on wednesday he told me that he was doing herion, I was shocked I got my support system and turn to them. I told my husband that I wanted him to start being honest with me. We ha...
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nycbt
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1
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455
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living with the A
(Preview)
Hi everyone... I have been married for 4 years now and I keep asking myself can I or anyone live with an A? I know they are human beings and need love, but I am just wondering is it healthy to live with them; can I live healthy even though he isn't? I go back and forth with this question because I love my...
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heather
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7
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603
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Do you know this about yourself?
(Preview)
Below is an exerpt from a post that a person made on another forum. It is in reference to how the person reacted to someone that made them feel "less then". I thought it was an excellant reaction. Keep in mind this was not from an Alanon forum where we "seek" our part in a problem. Ok, so things didn't work ou...
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Christy
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7
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578
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something funny
(Preview)
the other night when i was having my moment thinking about being a snob, i was wondering around our local drug store. i picked up a shade of pink lipstick and i thought.....''why not''? i rarely, if ever wear pink. to day i looked at the label to see what that shade of pink is called, you&...
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jewely
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6
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502
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Up off the couch and "off to the races"...
(Preview)
the race to see who can drink the most, I suspected. I posted here on Saturday night about how myA asked to come here and sleep on the couch after an 8 day binge with his drinking friends. I decided to say Okay and let him in after the reverend drove him over. My Ah was hungry and asked for something...
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jaja
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3
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654
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In the middle of a crisis/chaos what Alanon tools do YOU use?
(Preview)
After years in Alanon I finally figured out how to use the tools. Something as simple as "THINK" came to mind many times during a crisis in my home. I finally made sure what came out of my mouth was something that would not antagonize the situation and keep it going. I found when the A was raging...
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gardengal
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11
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618
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NYCBT
(Preview)
ok where and how are you??? please respond!!! love,debilyn
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debilyn
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1
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374
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For Ally, You AMAZE me
(Preview)
Ally,Thank you for your BRAVEHEARTFELTMOVING story. I have searched for a very long time for an apt description of depression.You nailed it. Thank youThis is for you, not my words but heartfeltlilms Friend Today I hear you crying and my heart bleeds in pain. I want to run to you and wrap my arms ar...
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lilms
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2
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488
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it's everywhere!!!
(Preview)
i grew up in an alcoholic home. i married and alcoholic/drug addict. all of my friends are either addicted, in recovery or married to an a. 2 years before my dad died he finally got an a of his own! but his a was in the program. he was there for my dad as he died, he has been there for me during that time and since...
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serendipity
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1
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332
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Ongoing Miracles
(Preview)
My granddaughter is grounded again.... LOL. It's because she's becoming a teenager, and her parents are setting boundaries... consequences. I watch this in amazement. I grew up with an alcoholic father and a codependent mother. My father was not a violent person - not really even verb...
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barisax
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3
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355
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ODAT for today
(Preview)
Hi all! I have been going throgh some real trials lately and wanted to share this with y'all. ........If the problems I have to face seem beyond my endurance, I will not explain them to God. He already knows. I will not tell Him what I "expect" Him to do about my difficulties; He knows wh...
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irish54
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2
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391
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Update
(Preview)
Hi everyone, It's been a while since I posted and just wanted to say that everything is going well. Life feels normal - as close to that as it's ever been I guess. I look forward to the weekends and never have to worry about what might happen. I still talk to my A husband and take the kids to see hi...
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carolinagirl
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3
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397
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well he is back home
(Preview)
well he is back home..he only spent 3 days in detox,he says they r trying to find a rehab for him to go to..he told me he needs to do rehab cause it will look good for him in court..so he is only doing this do get out of trouble not because he has a drinking and drug problem...he wants me to help him come up with 25...
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bev
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4
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577
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can i say this online.................?
(Preview)
for the last day or two i have been noticing something about myself. since i don't have a sponsor [my higher power and i are working on that], i was wondering if, i can say this online...............? i have noticed that i can be a bit of a snob. the other night when i arrived at the alanon meeting, one o...
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jewely
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13
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722
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The nightmare...
(Preview)
(((((Everyone))))) My AW asked me today, " ...how do you live with yourself when I just have to leave and go back to that apartment instead of staying here with my family..." I asked here if she means how do I feel inside about this whole situation. When she said yes... I thought about it for...
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rtexas
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12
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637
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trying to understand my crazy life with an A.
(Preview)
My A husband left me 7 months ago, and I have been suffering ever since. I still love him, but hate his behavior even tho he has been sober for 26 years, he has been a mean bastard because of being a dry drunk. He just started going to meetings the last 2 years. I just want to change, grow, heal and be the ver...
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snoopy
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4
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565
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Living in the day.
(Preview)
Last year I posted a few topics on this forum as I was suffering from anxiety. I attended a few alanon meetings last year and they were great. I attended alateen at the age of 17 yrs I tend to turn to alanon when nervous or anxious. Overall, I work my daily program and have great faith in my higher power. ...
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annmarie988
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4
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509
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SPeCiAL DaY!
(Preview)
Attention Please – We have a birthday in the house  Today is Christy’s (aka: cjo) Birthday!  So I was thinking - Why don’t we all just say "Happy Birthday" to Christy? OK? Ready? Lets Say It – Happy Birthday -To -You .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ....
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tea2
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16
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445
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jewely
(Preview)
The way I look at it that little by little we begin to see our A's as truly sick. And I think that's why you could gently whisper to him. Perhaps in his heart he's always loved you and perhaps he wonders why you still love him. Maybe that's what he's thinking as he s...
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jaja
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1
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319
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how can he be so dillusional???
(Preview)
I am ready to snap! I kicked my A out afew weeks ago to figure himself out and to only come home if he chooses to sober up. Last night i went out and when i came home i found flowers in the kitchen, all the dishes done, and the house tidy...(when im depressed i dont clean much!) I figured that was his way of sayin...
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arty
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5
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520
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Allyoops LOL
(Preview)
(((((((((((Roomies)))))))))))) Want a laugh??????? Okay I attended my first op's meeting last night, and I changed my Nick to Ally- meeting. To let the roomies know I was still in the room. So this morning I tried to come Into the room, and I was REFUSED,(lol). so as usual I went right into one, oh h...
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ally
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0
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361
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ALLY'S LIFE..written by Ally
(Preview)
When I was disconnected for 2 weeks from here I had time to think about Ally. This Is what i came up withI am posting this In the hope it can help someone understand what THEY are going through right now and to let them know we understand and THEY are not on their ownEver asked yourself this question……..Who...
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belle1
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0
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522
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Hello...New Here
(Preview)
Hello, newbie here. Just need to vent a little. DH is an A, driving me crazy with the sneakiness and the lies. I'm trying to learn how to let go. So hard to do when you really love someone (we've been married less than 6 months...sad I know, and I'm pr...
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duckgirl
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13
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394
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he raises my questions too
(Preview)
I have not posted in a few days and I feel like I miss you all....so good to read some of your words just now. My boyfriend is home from re-hab for 5 days now...we are taking it one day at a time. He is happy and sober and strong and so am I...both really focusing on ourselves and our programs and on our lives. T...
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Fifi
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10
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768
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Husband sober, but still frustrating!!!
(Preview)
I try to be positive. I am so happy my husband is sober, but I still sometimes want to sock him in the jaw! He is busy working and when he is not working he is at a meeting or at his sponsor's house, or talking to other AA members. Yes, I am a little jealous of all the time he spends with t...
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hudsond
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10
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890
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can't get into chat...sigh...
(Preview)
I can't seem to get into the chat room tonite. I haven't had any problems until just a bit ago. I logged in, and it didn't show my nick on the screen. Then it showed that I had been kicked by the OP (lol, I won't mention which one...). I tried to load the chat again, and this time it showe...
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lmt123
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2
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357
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pay attention to your dreams......................
(Preview)
it is five in the morning and i just woke up. my fingers are groping at the keyboard in foggy, heavy, sleepy disbelief. several lyears ago i was told, ''pay attention to your dreams.'' just before i woke up i was dreaming, the word helichrysum kind of flashing in my brain and the thou...
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jewely
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0
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354
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I just now let him in (sigh)
(Preview)
He called here about an hour ago, still under the influence of course, but coherent (and stupid sounding). He asked if it was okay if he could come here and sleep on the couch. He was at the place he stays at these days but, as I figured, he does not want to be there alone at this time. That's because...
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jaja
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9
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566
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