The material presented
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Still can't believe it but my AH has been attending AA meeting for the last week. Never thought he would ever admit he had a problem because he is highly fuctional and his drinking only really affected myself and my daughter. Kind of figured he would give us up rather than give up drinking. Feeling vulnerable as to my expectations. Know that through his recovery I must keep the focus on myself one day at a time. Any ESH appreciated.
That is definitely great news in and of itself, and good for you in recognizing your changing expectations. For me, when my A-wife finally started going to AA, I allowed my expectations to get way ahead of everything, figuring that it was all smooth sailing, no more relapses, etc., and life would be all joy and happiness. The reality, in my case, was far from it.... She went back and forth for years, went through two treatment facilities before finally finding her sobriety.....
I think... the reality of our program.... is truly ODAT, whether that one day is our A's finally going to AA, or whether that is our A's relapsing, or pretty much everything in between. Early recovery, for BOTH of you, is very tentative and unnerving, but you are far ahead of the game already with your awareness. My only advice would be to allow him to find HIS recovery and program, and you cannot be his sponsor during this time......
One of the GREAT things about early recovery, when they first go to meetings, etc., is that you are suddenly able to spend some quality time focussing on YOU, and what you need to do for your peace and serenity.
Take care Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Good news indeed! I bet that's put a smile on your face. Here's hoping it leads to recovery for him. Remember to stay in your program. The dynamics of a sober marriage are different from an active marriage. I cling to my program more now than I did when he was active.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Great for AH and his future. You hit on expectations and that you feel a bit vulnerable. Honey, of course you are. You are human!!! Program teaches us to search that vulnerability and the fears that have created those feelings. You probably know that most As falter even with rehab and a program. You probably are fearful. And yet you've allowed yourself to HOPE. Is that okay? of course!!! we are HUMAN!!! we feel, we hope, we love!
Now, here, at this point we need to evaluate in ourselves what those expectations are. Are they reasonable? Are they too high? Are we guaranteeing failure by expecting our A to come through for us? To make our lives a complete turn-a-round? I've learned (through repitition, and repitition, and repitition, and repitition, and repitition, and repitition) that counting on my A was, indeed, insanity. Insanity on my part.
My prayers for you and your husband in recovery with love cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
Good news, now it's time to get out of the way of his recovery, and work on yours, so that if he does keep up with this and get healthy, you will be healthy there beside him. I have an "early recovery" story to share here. My husband had been sober about 6 weeks at the time. I got home from work one day, and just as I was getting ready to get out of my car, I saw in the rear view window my husband's car, on the cross street behind me. I waited in the car, thinking I would just get out when he came up and we would walk to the house together. However, instead of turning onto our street, he just sailed on by. Immediately, my alanonic radar started working - Was he avoiding me? Where was he going at this time of day? He must have seen my car - he IS avoiding me! The only reason to avoid me is that he is high or drunk. Nowhere really for him to go in that direction, except...that's it, he's headed to his old dealer's place. He's relapsed, I knew he would, I knew it couldn't last. Damn him anyway... So, I went into the house and had a good cry, figuring I wound't see him until he had come down, maybe a few days. Full of despair, thinking that the recovery that I had pinned so many hopes on was gone. Half an hour later, he walks into the house, as sober as a judge and in a great mood. "Hi, didn't you see me waving at you when I went by? I couldn't stop, I was delivering meals for Meals on Wheels (a program for shut in seniors that uses volunteers to deliver the meals) Boy, I'm starved, wanna go out for dinner?"
