The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today is a sad day. My dil is going to court today to finalize hers and A son's divorce. I prayed for over a year that it would never actually come to that. It was not meant to be...I guess.
They have both gone on and are with different partners now. My son has gotten a job that he really likes and seems to be feeling so much better. Although he is still drinking, he seems so much better in how he feels about his life. He has said many time that he was not happy in this marriage. He tried to convince himself that he could remain in it until the children grew up. Well...we all know how that story ends for an A...don't we? His drinking escalated while in the marriage. He had to leave the home and then his wife filed for a divorce. My husband said yesterday that he was just sad that it all happened so fast and the 2 of them really never worked on their marriage. That would be very difficult with an A that did not want to work on it.
Anyway, it is now history and I am so grateful for my 2 granddaughters but also very sad that they have to come from a broken home. The poor innocent little children of this horrible disease.
I guess if it was HP's will for them to be together then they would be together. Thy Will Be Done!
I've been trying to wrack my brain about what Melody Beattie said last night about surrender and the adventure life hands us. It was something to the effect that we put our work, our time, our effort, our energy into what we believe is god's will and we find out sometimes that god's will is on a different path. It's a turn in the road. It's not what we've been working toward. In essence, we've been forcing solutions again and waisting energy. She goes on to say that we feel the feelings of the grief cycle, and we learn to surrender again to god's will if we want to continue to persue recovery.
It's important to realize this is not your marriage. This is not your relationship. This is not your family. You are a witness to this happening but you are not the cause nor the curant. You are not there to fix nor find the cure. You are there to be a support beam in the house, not to be the singular support of this family. Your job here is to continue to be Grandma. Nothing is going to change that you are Grandma. That your DIL is holding your son accountable for his decisions is not a reflection on you, it is not a message to you, it is about him. The reality that you are availible to be there for her, for your grandchildren, and for the road ahead is an expression of the reality that you have faced reality no matter what it may bring.
Feel your feelings. Honor them. Then let them go and surrender. if you surrender your feelings you won't be a hostage to them and you will grow with them, whereas so long as you permit yourself to be a hostage to them you will suffer under them.
I am sorry for your sad feelings today. You are right in saying that it is not HP's will... things do happen for a reason and maybe it wasn't right for them. At least your son seems happier in his life, even though he is drinking still. My prayers are with all of your family, your son, his ex, your grandkids. May you all find peace and love in this life....
I'm sorry you are hurting, and Your family has been split up. But hey all things good can come from something bad right?. You speak about your grandkids comming from a broken home. Well I grew up In a home with alcohol In it. And from where I am standing now, I can look back, and I saw things a kid shouldn't have to see. So, as I don't know your son I cannot coment anout his drinking. But I do know this disease can cause a whole lot of distress and unhappiness for all the family.
So a positive thing for your grandkids Is they no longer have to witness any un called for behaviours.
Hope you realise that this could be the best thing for your grandkids. And "Broken home", It's only two words. The kids have a mom, dad, and grandparents who love them. They will be alright.
I am also sorry that you are going through a rough time. My son and daughter-in-law got a divorce about three years ago when my grandson was 2 years old. They have had there ups and downs but for the most part they are civil to each other for my grandson. The only thing that I can do is be the best darn grandma I can be.
