Dear Lunamoth -

I don't know if his joking about crack is his way of telling you he is using or not. But crack is not a joking matter. My AH is using crack. Now he doesn't use around me or the kids......he disappears for days at a time while he is using. But I can tell you that after he started using, he started distancing himself from family and friends....anyone NOT in the crack world he was involved in.

When he would come home after a bender and be in the foulest mood and sleep for days. Now I am not the best at picking up on when he is getting ready to disappear but after he does, I think to myself, "Now why didn't I see that coming?" In fact, the last time - just last week, we got into a huge fight b/c he was criticizing me and my family, saying we were selfish and only thought of ourselves. Then he disappeared the next day for a few days.

Crack is a nasty addiction. I will pray that your A is not getting involved in it. Things can get pretty ugly and I know that I haven't even seen the worst of it yet - And pray that I never do.

Good Luck to you.
Sincerely,
QOD

my ex ah is a recovering alcoholic/crack addict. crack being his "drug of choice". when we got together i knew he had done coke but wasn't anymore and was just smoking pot, drinking. at the time alot of our friends were experimenting with crack which is not the type of drug that you can "experiment" with. from what i have heard from addicts and read crack is instantly addictive. one time and that's it. anyway, my ex ah and i got sober, had a baby, got married, bought a house, had good jobs and one december night he didn't come home from work. i was a nervous wreck. i honestly could not imagine where he was except in a ditch with the car. i called the police and they filed a missing persons all the while hinting that they really thought he would be found in a nice warm bar or drug house. which again i believed was impossible....we don't drink or do drugs. finally, a friend of his from work called me at like 3 in the morning and told me my ah had been smoking crack with one of the guys from work. on some level i knew it was true. but i wanted to believe my husband. so, i did. for along time. he addmitted he was smoking crack but not for a long long time. he would hint at it. we would have discussions about it, the evils of it. but he really didn't come clean with me till he was at a bottom. and he was broke, and sick and scared. when he'd smoke crack he'd be gone for days at a time. he wasn't violent unless he was not high and wanted to get high and felt that i was in his way. he worked aa and got sober, relapsed, got sober, relapsed etc....

crack addiction lead him to steal from me and my family and his family. it lead to my eventual breakdown trying to fix it. it has lead to years of his life gone. it eventually lead him to sex for drugs, affairs, no feelings for his children, and no desire to live unless he was high. seems like a fast forward version of alcoholism. today we are divorced and the only clue i would have to know if he was using again would be if he disappeared for days. that is how i knew. he wouldn't call or come home. i understand your situation is different. my best suggestion would be to make extra sure that your protected finacially, that he has no access to your money accounts (check with the bank because even being divorced all it takes is a pursuasive crack addict and a naieve bank teller). what is said about crack addicts is true. they would steal from their beloved grandma and their children to get high. maybe not the first binge, or the second, or even the third. but they get to that point and it is horrifing to see. crack brings on a psycotic break. it kills, not just deadens or numbs, all feeling. my lesson was a hard one to learn. i keep my jewlery hidden, checking account info, any cash i have or the kids have out of sight. and he is sober again. everytime i let him borrow my car i do it with the full awareness that it might not come back. he used to trade the use of the car for crack....very popular thing to do apparently.

sorry this is such a long reply and i don't know if it helps much. crack is such an issue with me obviously. i think the best i did and could do is to keep the focus on myself and do the footwork to keep myself safe money-wise and physically. good luck and i'll say a prayer that he hasn't discover this evil.

weight loss (my AH couldn't get over 165-170 and he is 6'4"), mood swings, burned eyelashes--look as if they have been singed, glassy eye look afterword (but this is probably while the drug is still in them (this took me a while to distinguish--knowing the "glassy eye"), sometimes red bloodshot eyes

Not that you want to go searching--we are supposed to move beyond that, but if your children go off with him-you could look for cans in his vehicle--my ah wasn't/isn't a neat freak so he would throw his cans in the bed of his truck--I knew if it was a crushed can it most likely had been used to smoke crack (the pop opener would be broken off and there would be little puncture marks in the can--of course you would have to straighten them out to see those) {see I was so sick too!!!!} The only reason I would say to check that out would be if your kids are going to go off with him!!!!! Really what can you do about it if that is what he is doing, except try to keep your kids as safe as possible.

I wish you luck and peace!

Dawn

Yep, the mouth moving thing was always the sign I looked out for.  Also constant checking the windows, peeping through the curtains, pacing the house.  And, of course, the drained bank account. My husband was never mean on crack - he was much easier to get along with, in fact. He wasn't really THERE, but he was nice. Protect yourself financially, I'd say that would be the main one. Also, his crack friends are not likely to be nice people, protect yourself from them. Even if HE is not bad enough to rob you blind, they will.  How old are the kids? Do they go to his place?  If he just sees them at your house, it should not be a problem, but if they are little I would maybe not let them go to his place.

(((Lunamoth)))

I was so glad to see this post.  My AH is also a crack addict.  Back a few years ago I did alot of research on crack cocaine because I had a friend who was addicted to this drug.  I thought I knew alot about crack.  It turns out that I didn't know as much as I thought I did.  It was and still is usually after the fact that I go "ohhhhhhhh, he was using crack and that's why he was acting that way."  I have noticed that when my husband uses he had horrible mood swings.  I never knew what was going to set him off.  Afterwards he would be lethargic.  My husband admits that he has used crack in the past but says he no longer uses and becomes irrate if I accuse him of using.  I know that without rehab, crack is a very hard addiction to get past.  I have heard that crack addicts eat alot of sweets.  I'm not sure if anyone else has heard this but I know that my husband has been eating alot of sweets lately and he usually doesn't eat sweets.

Thanks for the post Lunamoth

 

My husband went crazy for the sweets after quitting, not so much when using.  At the rehab centre, there is candy everywhere, they really crave it.