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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Partner back in hospital
Post Info TOPIC: Partner back in hospital
brownie


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Partner back in hospital
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Hi my partner as been drinking heavily since September last year. He went through detox May 2006 and didn't drink for 6 weeks. He was doing really well. The back end of June he had the odd drink. He was telling me he wasn't drinking but you can tell. End of August 2206 he went into hospital with a burst ulcer they had to operate he was in intensive care for a month. When he came home he didn't drink for a while. We went on holiday Nov 2006 he was fine just the odd drink. We went to see his specialist at the hospital. He told him that the drinking was affecting him Liver. If he stopped drinking it would repair. If he carried on it would eventually kill him. So what did he do. Went home whilst I was at work drank Vodka. He doesn't work by the way. For 2 weeks we couldn't speak he was just comatosed with the Vodka. He smelt all the time. I said to him what is the difference between you and a wino, you have a roof over your head. I was getting to the end of my tether. Then he took to staying in bed all day saying he wasn't having a drink and it was all in my mind. Know he has been in hospital for nearly 2 weeks. He is yellow in the face and eyes. They don't seem to be doing anything at the hospital but letting him dry out. He gets depressed but dosn't tell anyone. I have all this when I get home. He was getting up when I was going to bed and then drinking. Coming to bed at 5am and waking me up when I have to get up from work. When he is on the Vodka he gets nasty with him gob. Doesn't get physical violent but with his tongue. I weight 11 stone and he was saying I was getting fat. I have illness of my own which make I stomach swell from time to time. He doesn't think they is anything wrong with me. There is only him poorly in the world.

What am I to do now. I am going to go on holiday with Mum & Dad in the summer. All the holidays with him have been drinking. I have told him he might as well spend his in the pub next door. He doesn't seem to do anything other than drink. He expects me to do it all. At the moment I have had to think about myself.

Can someone help me and let me know what else to try.

Thanks

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Alison Bottomley
Friendofyours


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Oh hun....I was in your shoes for so long and everytime I read these stories it breaks my heart for you. I know how in your heart you want to help him, if there were only that one thing you can do, that one thing you could say that would make him "get it". But there just isn't. I had to come to understand that even though it is a sickness, sometimes (before end stages) that they are aware of what is happening to them. He chooses to not get help. Nothing.........NOTHING...you do can make him "want" to quit.
What changed my life (we are all so different) is to finally live my life as if he were already dead. I quit believing words that came out of his mouth. I quit believing he loved us (after all, if he loved us...wouldn't he quit for us) I know he loves us, he loves us the ONLY way he can. I quit expecting anything from him. I have three little children so I had to remove him from our house.
Eventually that smell of vodka will turn your stomach so bad you'll look at him in pure disgust. It's sad because everytime he does this it WILL take a piece of your heart.
So my advice is to NOT let this disease take you down with it. You have to remember the three C's..........You did not CAUSE it,  You can not CURE it, and you can not CONTROL it. You have to let go. You have to live for you. He needs to take care of himself and if HE doesn't want to then your going to have to let him go.
YOU are important. YOU can better yourself. I am so sorry he is like that. I am so sorry this disease takes yet another person :( The only thing you can do is (when HE is ready) to drive him somewhere for help. Good luck sweetie. ^i^

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canadianguy


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I can only suggest that you turn your efforts and focus onto YOU, and what YOU need to get healthy... The focus currently sounds like it is totally on him, how much he is drinking, etc., and it is killing you BOTH.  It's often easy to see what his drinking is doing to him.... but we tend not to be able to recognize what it is doing to us.  Read literature, get to Al-Anon, post here and share..... it will all help.  The best single book that I have ever read to help us understand all this crud is "Getting Them Sober", volume one, by Toby Rice Drews.

There is an old saying, that is brought up here often.....

"He will either drink, or he won't..... what are YOU gonna do?"

Get yourself healthy... it is the only way.

Take care
Tom

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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

"What you think of me is none of my business"

"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"

 

 

 

 
aunitedway


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So glad you found us!    This board is wonderful!!  It shows that there are others that have been where you are and understand like no one else can. It helps to see that others are here for you. To know that You are not alone.

If you need any help to find local meetings.. .. please click on my name and "private message"  me and I will be happy to help you locate one. There are also meetings here online.

Here's some helpful links to find face to face (f2f) meetings in your area:" 

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smpoli


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((((((Brownie))))))))
Hugs from MIP!

The reply posts are all so true!  It is time for you to take yourself out of "his" picture and make your own.  If all of your focus is on him and what he is doing, then the focus is not on you and how you can better your day.  My A drinks too, and I have found that YES I do love him!  Yes, I plan on staying married to him.  BUT when he gets into one of his drinking splurs, I can't help him.  I can only keep MY boundaries and know that I will not allow certain things to happen.  Please make your boundaries and make them clear to him.  Do not let him cross them.  You can't be walked on if you don't lie down.

Love in Recovery!
Sandy P

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Jerry F


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Aloha Brownie.

You might call the local AA central office and see if they can send someone over to talk with your alcoholic.  They do it all the time and this is how the AA program started.  Check your phone book for the office and give it a try.  If they come go do something for yourself and stay out of their way.  Sometimes it can save a life.

((((((hugs))))))

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brownie


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Hi all

Thanks for your replies. I have thought for a while I should look after myself. Sometimes easier said that done. I went to see him in hospital yesterday and he was grumpy. He was not feeling great but that is not my fault. He was talking about the house and complaining about washing and ironing been all over the house as he put it. There ia one small basket in the kitchen that I have not had time to do. He could have done that when he was bored instead of just sitting drinking. I don't think at the moment he believes it is the alcohol killing him. He knows something is poisoning his body but won't addmit it. Sometimes when they get grumpy that this it gets you down. I will have to try and put it out of my mind. At least at the moment whilst he's still in hospital I'm getting a good nights sleep. He has been in for over a week now. Tuesday 16th Jan he went in he thinks he's only been in since Mon 22nd Jan. So I don't know who I've been visiting.


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Alison Bottomley
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