The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thanks to everyone who replied to me on the post and PM's about my frail constitution to say no and be ok with it. The answer is no, I don't agree that she has to come home to seek help.
I did many of the suggestions, walk throughs, lists and what it boils down to is this. The only reason for saying yes was because I wanted to be a comfort to her with the withdrawls and emotional hurricane she would go through.
Here is the pitfall of the only true possitive I could come up with. She has never let me do that before... why would my crippled brain think she would do it now. When she is in pain, she has to have someone to nail with that frustation... me normally.
Every other possitive reason for doing it was blown away by step 1. I am powerless against this disease. I can create no situation good enough or "comfortable" enough to keep her from drinking.
The downsides are obvious and a few supprises I got from a few double winners I spoke to. At some point I may be able to trust my head to override my emotions and make good decissions where she is concearned... but until then, I have to slow things down and give me time to think.
You all have helped me learn that... and I thank you! I just can't say enough about the support I get here. True lifesaver.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
You know, I think that we are all just on a long journey together. Ups and downs, trials and tribulations. You share with us and we share with you. Hopefully, we are all making progress at keeping the focus on ourselves. Then the changes really do start happening.
I think you are doing just great! In comparison to my first steps you're ready for a masters degree. (don't let that go to your head) Some are faster than others and you seem to have gotten some good out of this program early on although I don't know how long you've been in the rooms.
My best slogan? "Don't react!!" even when my head, heart, hearing and any other part of my body is saying "She needs me!!" It was in honesty the other way around. I also had my "fixes" to do and my withdrawals that were just as horrid as her's.
(((RT))) I didn't get a chance to reply to your post yesterday, you got some very good responses. I think you are well enough at this point to recognize your feelings and know that there is really nothing short of just being supportive that you can do for your AW. This could be her time to bottom out and really get it together, or it could be one of many tries. No one knows.... I can relate to feeling awkward about saying 'NO", my AH cannot hear the word "no", and its really frustrating. I think you are on a good path right now, you don't appear to be making rash decisions and that's a good thing. So say "no" I don't think that's a good idea if you have to. Your AW will either accept that and still go into treatment or she won't. If this sobriety is for her and really a committed choice, she'll go forward regardless of whether she does it in her own apartment or the house. This is her part of the journey that only she is meant to take. Hang in there and have a great weekend.
Peace, Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
