The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Everyone's been asking him for at least 6 months and he's been insisting he isn't drinking. Tonight I'd finally had enough. All the signs were there and I knew he had been drinking, but he continued to deny it. He finally admitted it. I guess I should be relieved since it's been going on for a while. Last relapse was about 3-1/2 yrs ago. I guess the part that bothers me the most is that we've lived day to day and he's been lying to me all the time. When it happened the first time it was bad, but our daughter was only 5 mo old so I was so busy and we had been pretty distant. This time just seems different. We've been married 5 yrs now and I thought we were really close. I know all the stuff about addicts relapse and it's part of their disease and all the stuff about denial, but lying is lying and it's really going to be hard to get the trust back. Sorry to dump, but by the time I found out it was to late for me to get to a meeting (that's run, not walk to a meeting). I'll try to make one tomorrow. He's going to do 90 in 90, but this relapsing every couple of years really sucks!
Well I don't feel dumped on. I think this board is the place to come with stuff like this. This is what we are here for. I would imagine you feel left out, abandoned and betrayed and really a lot of trust goes out the window. I used to throw my trust around now I don't as much. I keep it pretty close to me.
I am glad that you can come here and talk about how you feel. I know I have given up entirely talking to the a I live with about how I feel. For me that is going to the butchers to buy bread.
So glad your here. Please know that your not alone! My AH relapsed after 9 years of sobriety. (going on 4 years now) During the day... he's impatient, irritable. He's a manipulator. I hate the projects all over the house that are half done. I hate the manipulating personality that has taken over the husband I once knew. I hate the control freak. I hate this .... all of it. I suppose what I'm saying is....I know its hard to tolerate the alcoholism. But as of today., I choose to stay. Loving someone that drinks is never easy. Loving someone that relapses (even after so much time has passed) is very hard. I thank God for Alanon every day. Alanon has helped me to find ways to detach myself from the alcoholic. I can still love my husband. I can let go of the hatred I felt. I feel. And try to understand the disease that controls him, his mind, his thoughts, his actions. He thinks that because he's now drinking Wine.., that its not the same. (years ago it was vodka) But believe me its the same.
Today I have the strength to turn it over to my HP/God. Let Go and Let HP/God take care of my AH. Let HP/God handle his irrational behaviour, his selfishness and his one-sided ways of seeing things. I can say "Ok." I can turn and walk away when he wants to pick a fight. I can say, "your right." Even if inside I dont agree. I can do what I want to make me happy. I can be with friends and family. I can go to the library, or shopping. I have found that doing grocery shopping in the evenings is not so bad.....and making a meeting while I'm out.....well that's a good thing tooo! I DO have the strength to go on and do what I want myself. Without Him. He can go along or not. I am finding ways to not let him manipulate the times I have made other plans. I no longer let him know about plans/what is happening next week ... untill next week is here. Or tomorrow until I am about to go. I've slowly realized this is something he's always done to me to keep me from doing anything to stop him with his plans. Funny isnt it....using his own devices to keep him from controlling me now? But if it works. I understand that this life is not what others would consider normal. I certainly dont.
I can only find ways to live my life as best as I can. One Day at a Time. One minute at a time when necessary.
I hope you keep coming back and that you continue to go to meetings and to talk to others. We're here for you. So glad you found us!
Keep Looking uP
It IS OK to **Let Go and Let HP/ God take what is not yours to take care of.... It IS OK to "take care of You."
Remember the 3 C's: You did not cause it , You can not control it and You can not cure it.
(going on 4 years now) 
I can be with friends and family. I can go to the library, or shopping. I have found that doing grocery shopping in the evenings is not so bad.....and making a meeting while I'm out.....well that's a good thing tooo
! I DO have the strength to go on and do what I want myself. Without Him. He can go along or not. I am finding ways to not let him manipulate the times I have made other plans. I no longer let him know about plans/what is happening next week ... untill next week is here. Or tomorrow until I am about to go. I've slowly realized this is something he's always done to me to keep me from doing anything to stop him with his plans. Funny isnt it....using his own devices to keep him from controlling me now? But if it works. 
I understand that this life is not what others would consider normal. I certainly dont. 
One Day at a Time. One minute at a time when necessary.
It IS OK to "take care of You." 
HuG)))))) Keep coming back!