Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Loupiness · Loupiness

The other night at a f2f meeting, a woman shared how she had been forced to keep secrets since she was a child, and that she no longer would do so because it is so damaging. It made me really start thinking about all the secrets I am keeping and what my true motivation is. We are in a small town where we own a bu...

erin in ny · erin in ny

Hi everyone. I'm Erin and it's been far too long since I've checked in on this board. I've tried out a handful of face to face meetings in the last couple of weeks but I haven't yet found one that's a good fit. As a "double winner" myself, I know I felt my best when I was working both programs c...

NANUKE · NANUKE

Hi Alanon Family, This is a keeper, I hope we all benefit from it!! Let's be gentle with ourselves and work our program focusing on us and let our Higher Power do the rest!! Isn't it grand we don't have to fix anyone, we can allow our Higher Power do what He does best-this way we can tend to us and cherish the...

QOD · QOD

Ok. I know I mentioned this in an earlier post but it has become all consuming!!! My AH and I have been completely apart for right at 2 months. Meaning, no hugging, touching, kissing, anything. Now for 14 years I have had the attitude about sex that I could take it or leave it. It was always more of...

serendipity · serendipity

Got a text from the ex this morning. "Hi" I sent back "hey". I am feeling so low. Crying and just feeling sad. I even thought seriously about going out and getting ripped. I haven't had a drink in 13 years. But I stop and think it thru and I know it is not what I want, it wouldn't help an...

Mindful · Mindful

Hi I am just feeling wierd at my ftf meetings. I have always felt a little different (being the only guy in most meetings) but lately my feelings are something else. I grew up in a alcoholic home. And truthfully I became one. I went to treatment almost 18 years ago. Been clean ever since. Faithfully went t...

rtexas · rtexas

(((((((((Everyone))))))))) The summer is always such a worl'wind for me. Kids out of school and going back and forth from mom to me... at work, playing with friends... whew, I love having them around and playing, but what a break when they go back to school! I haven't posted much, cause things have be...

frazzled · frazzled

well i thought i was going to my alanon meeting tonight while he went to his..... our five year old had kindergarten orientation tonight at 6:45. the meetings started at 8:00. we got out of there at 8:09~ and that was fine with me i didnt even worry about the meeting till i got in the car and thought about th...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

I have noticed while reading through posts that a lot of us have been in these relationships for 7 years before leaving. I thought that was odd because I have been in 2 relationships like this both for 7 years and always joked I can only tolerate 7 years of bs. Now that I see so many others with the same amt...

ddub · ddub

4:30am here and I still can't get to sleep. Maybe thinking by writing will help me figgure out how to settle. I've been re-setting my kids and myself to go to bed earlier so we can wake early enough for school. I was doing great until tonight. I am so depleted from seven years of therapists for kids and...

maire rua · maire rua

Dear all, its so great to have this message board, ex-a going to hospital next sunday, for quite a lot of test, not looking good, grant appeal for my PhD has got very messy through delays. Looks like I will be paying back money, have taken full responsibility for same. ex-a still managing to drink every n...

maresie2 · maresie2

When I met the A coming up to 7 years ago I had a decent job, was making good money, had choices, was dating, and felt desperate. I hid it very very well. I had no idea how to date and I was incredilby lonely. Along cam ethe A and he was willing and ready to go full throttle into relationship right away. I saw not...

Jen · Jen

I found out after I posted yesterdays topic that part of my trouble was that again he was lying and he was not sober. I suspected it, but had no proof. I really realize now that he is in really bad shape. He came over yesterday and before we even got to town he was shaking and going through some heavy withdra...

CJ098 · CJ098

I was researching, how to end a relationship. I think it was Dr. Phil who said to end a relationship you cut off all communication. Well, you'd think that would be easy living with an A, cause when do you communication with them? Especially if you work opposite shifts and hardly ever see one another a...

QOD · QOD

We celebrating my daughter's 5th bday Sat at Chuck-E-Cheese. My AH and his mom & grandma went w/us. We had a good time there. And he was in an incredible mood. Smiling and laughing and of course getting too affectionate towards me AGAIN. Then I screwed up and asked him if he wanted to go w/me and t...

Karilynn · Karilynn

(((((Family)))))), To those of you who were all affected by Hurricane Katrina, you are all in my thoughts and prayers. Hard to believe it's 2 years later. I have seen many of you be so strong, and you have taught me many things including courage and strength. I remember all of you and your families and...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

For those of you who have been following along... I finally got the key to the new condo on Sunday morning and had about 3/4 of the stuff moved in Sunday night. Of course Monday was a nightmare with waking up late, getting the kids set at their first day of school, the kindergarten teacher forgot to put my...

skier · skier

I am at my wits end right now. My AH has been attending sporadic AA meetings now for abour 4 months. (Precipitatated by my taking our son to my Moms for a couple of weeks, as I work nights, and found he was hiding and drinking while I was at work) This summer has been a rollercoaster of emotions..........mo...

maresie2 · maresie2

i was reading one of Melody Beatties books on the weekend which I can't find at the moment because my room is a wash with boxes and I can't find anything at all. I realised I needed a new rule Is it going to hurt me. Right now the A is playng victim and passive. He has no money and makes no effort to get any money....

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

Post edited for content. Please contact originator by PM if you are interested in this particular site. -- Edited by canadianguy at 12:11, 2007-08-29

Kim65 · Kim65

Hope you don't mind, Lou, I need to borrow your title, it really fits my topic. I'm coming to see I've always had a problem with being a grown up myself. Seven years ago last spring I met my A in southern California. I had been in therapy for two years at that point. The previous summer, my best girlfriend...

hudsond · hudsond

I think this character defect of a's is one of the things I hate the most!! My a got is one year chip last Sat., and I am very thrilled for him, but man I just don't think that some of the character defects will ever go away!!! Last night was so frustrated with him! He has decided to start taking money out of...

Kim65 · Kim65

Maybe I'm making more out of this than there is. It's like since I wrote that post on Saturday about "Being a grown up" I've been flooded and thrown for a loop. I *knew* my A was a jerk and self centered and probably narcissistic whether he used or not. Though it only once came to him laying ha...

renah · renah

Dear all, For many months I had been obsessing about what I should do about avoiding an active A episode with my AH. I found myself thinking about it all the time rather than simply surrender. The solutions involved going to a hotel, locking the master bedroom, wearing earplugs in the bedroom, leav...

Tiger2006 · Tiger2006

When the urge struck me to annihilate the universities laptop that I was loaned in it's "loan a laptop" I thought "it might be good to check in with my MIP AFG. So, this weekend I was at a work shop . The theme was "the spiritual life is not a theory; we have to live it!." And it...

Jerry F · Jerry F

A Hui Ho Miracles in Progress!! (see you later on)... It's time to take a break from the site and concentrate on the Face to Face family and meetings in my area and district. Honestly it's about working this program by it's principles which recently I have had just a bit of difficulty doing here. ( I kn...

anjie · anjie

through those doors. I went to a meeting last week, actually 2 meetings. But if you want to get real technical, 3 meetings. I went on Wed, at 10am to the Beginner meeting & I stayed through the regular meeting which started at 11. I was so nervous, but I did it. And boy did I feel so much better....

frazzled · frazzled

i just have to thank God for alanon!! i am new to all of this and have only been to two meetings but i have read everything in the packets when i began and i had my husband pick me up the one day at a time in alanon book when he went to his last meeting. i wanted to go to the meeting for myself. that is the dilemma i ha...

UU_Diana · UU_Diana

I must have an invisible tatoo on my forehead which says "tell me your problems" or "let me solve all of your problems" or "World problem solver extraordinaire." What the hell is wrong with me? I am the matriarch of family and other family members think I have the an...

Jen · Jen

I realize that I have always wanted to be the number one in my A's life. I now realize that that is completely unfair of me to expect that, but can't seem to wrap my mind around the fact that I am always going to take a back seat to his recovery program. I understand that this is necessary. So what is it about th...

frazzled · frazzled

i responded to my own topic so i wasnt sure if those of you who responded to my first post would get this. some one please let me know the proper way to respond to replies and i will do it the right way! thanks. anyway here is what i said{ well when i found all these responses today i have to tell you i just wante...

Diva · Diva

Don't you enjoy those days when everyone you come in contact with is friendly and helpful? When all works out to the good? Today has been one of those days. Started early this morning when I was doing some gardening in the front yard. Sister phoned. She has purchased the condo she wanted on South Pad...

jaja · jaja

But relief is what I've been feeling since yesterday afternoon when I discovered that the reason why my A never showed up or called Saturday afternoon was because he did start drinking again. And,in all honesty,I had at one time often felt that way when he's disappeared. Angry but relieved. I t...

serendipity · serendipity

I re-connected with an old friend last month a couple of weeks before the tradgedy. His brother is one of my best friends so I have kept up with him thru the grapevine. I have heard about his run in's with the law, his experimentations with drugs and his stint in rehab and on probation. He called me one day t...

maresie2 · maresie2

I'm still very much in the process of moving. I had to get a storage unit and will be moving stuff in there over the next few weeks. I feel incredibly lonely without the A;'s drama taking up center stage. I also feel very concerned for him and his legal issues. I feel a complete fool for putting up with him...

kismetstrand · kismetstrand

I am a fortunate woman. Once upon a time...a girl was born who was the apple of her daddy's eye. She laughed a lot, she played a lot, her imagination always soared...and she absolutely loved life. Anything was possible then.. Time passed, as time does, and with it the girl discovered that not everyone w...

lil_pieces · lil_pieces

I haven't posted in a while but I have lurked. I must admit that I split my time between this site and another that deals with emotional manipulation/abuse. The good news is that for the most part, the rules are the same for both A and EA...Detach and Take care of yourself. I am trying to let go of resent...

Karilynn · Karilynn

((((((((Family))))))), My program was put to the test yesterday when I came home. Without going into too much details, lets just say there was a hiccup in recovery. I thought something might be going on, but I wasn't sure. Well AH told me very calmy with tears in his eyes. He was so ashamed. The old m...

lmt123 · lmt123

Hi all, I am reeling again from the counseling session that my AsoberH and I had last week. He just sits there with this calm expression on his face, knowing he has been lying to me (and to the law, for that matter), saying to the therapist how he is just this adolescent alcoholic (AA speak) and that cause...

Jen · Jen

I have tried and tried to believe in my AH, but he just seems incapable of telling the truth. I am so tired at this point of dealing with him that last night I finally told him to just leave me alone. I don't want discuss anything right now except necessary business stuff. I am looking into finding some work...

Diva · Diva

My partner A is forever needing tools. Granted he is working hard on restoring our historic house, and is doing a fine job. I am talking about expensive tools, not hammers and screw drivers, but joiners, routers, table saws, reciprocating saws, some huge round thing that cuts angles...the list goes...

debilyn · debilyn

Are you busy moving? Hope you can pace yourself some. Please sit down every once in awhile. I mean it. We have to. Hope you and the critters are enjoying each other. I can't tell you how proud I am of you for hanging in there and taking responsibility for your animal family. I know from experience, sometim...

binohio · binohio

Hi, Okay, now where to go from here. Seems to be a problem i have. Never knowing where to start or what to say. i have been, as has been said, "lurking" around here for a long time. Not very new to Alanon, but all the same it stll feels very new to me. Maybe some basics to start off with. Grew up in...

ddub · ddub

I don't want to keep singing the same song so decided to ask if I am mixed up again. It is so hard to keep your mind straight. I am doing so much better not reacting or not trying to fix other family members dilemas so everything is controlled by me. I am working hard at having no expectations except I thou...

jaja · jaja

Obsessing. I think that's the word for what I'm doing again. Since last night. I didn't get much sleep because of it. My A has been on my mind constantly no matter what I do to occupy myself. Things have been going well a whole month and a half. My daughter has been home from college and my grandaughter...

pabell · pabell

Iv'e been going to f2f meetings 2 to 3 times a week. I think this week I'm going to need to up them. My short story version: We have been married 17years, and together 24years. My AH has obstained from alcohol use for 8 month now after 3 detox attempts in 2.5 years. He still is smoking pot. He still attends a...

october · october

I am newly married (2 years) and my husband has been sober for over 20 years. My problem is that he does not know how to show affection. He has a brick wall up and I don't know how to break it down. He is very rigid, everything is either black or white, and has even told me that he has no problems talking with...

verenda · verenda

I have not posted here in a very long time. I married my husband Dec 30 2006. Soon after our marriage he became increasingly abusive to the point of physical abuse when he was drunk. He was always somewaht emotionally abusive, in the form of jealousy, possessiveness, but when drinking it was much worse...

Diva · Diva

I decided to go back to Home Depot and get the chair. Should have bought it yesterday, but that opportunity passed. It was $34.00 yesterday. Remember that. Today when I decided to go, A partner offered to go with me in case I needed help getting the thing in the back of the car. I said, "OK,&quo...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

Is it this feeling that I have that no matter what happens everything is going to be ok?

Fifi · Fifi

As I read I am not always aware of the vocabulary in Alanon as I am relatively new...my question for the day .....what is meant by calling our A's our qualifier? If that was the only question I actually had what an easy day this would be....I have so many....like why can't I sleep? Why does this feel like...

Gailey · Gailey

I GOT IT!!!!!! I am sitting at my desk with a headache and feeling very weepy at the moment. Here is why: I have a 1 bedroom apartment attached to my home that is in the suburbs. Since December a friend of mine, who left her husband, was living there. Things have started to settle down for her and now she is bu...

evey · evey

Hello All, AH got DWI and had his license revoked. Is our car insurance still valid since his license is revoked? I just thought of this today. He is the primary insurance holder and all cars are registered to him. (I am in NY). He was arrained, not tried yet. Any experieces out there, please share. Thank...

Fifi · Fifi

Help....I am so overwhelmed by my life.....it is just me....no A anymore (other than the shell shock I feel in the aftermath of him which is very real and present). BUt I try and work at 3 different locations...long hard days...then come home to take care of two kids...the house is a mess, lawn unmowed,...

Loupiness · Loupiness

I met my AHsober when I was 17, and we've just passed our 18 yr anniversary. When we first got married, I supported us while he was in grad school and then he became the breadwinner of the family while I stayed home with the kids. I continued the role of money-manager, mainly because we just never change...

nmike · nmike

Hi Alanoners. Thank you all for your support. Here and cyber space adn at face to face and all my friends and coworkers. walked into surgery with my support system in place. sa w my A lasat week and he ignored me and didn't ask about my upcoming surgery. didnt worry about it said a prayer but during the surg...

Jenna_77 · Jenna_77

This is my first post and really, my first visit to this particular site. I googled in desperation and this is where I landed. I hope you don't mind me dropping in to scream a little. I just broke up with my alcoholic signifigant other last saturday. (the 18th of Aug.) I have heard nothing from him and...

CJ098 · CJ098

Hello everyone! I finally got registered after 3 days of reading everyone's posts. I am so glad to be here. It's so comforting knowing I'm not alone and there are other people dealing with what I am too. I finally feel like I'm headed in the right direction. Ready for my book?! I am living with my AH...

Alethea · Alethea

I have been feeling lost and alone for a long time now. Maybe it has only been like this for 3 years, as long as I have been with her, but it feels like lifetimes when you are consumed every second of every moment with the A & the alcohol. The drinking wasn't always this bad & there was a time tha...

Toni · Toni

Well, I have done a little bit of reading on co-dependency, funny that I have heard the term, have known all along that I was enabling but I avoided any literature or conversations that dealt with the subject. I think that I was not just afraid but certain that I would find myself within the words and the...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	the secrets.... (Preview) The other night at a f2f meeting, a woman shared how she had been forced to keep secrets since she was a child, and that she no longer would do so because it is so damaging. It made me really start thinking about all the secrets I am keeping and what my true motivation is. We are in a small town where we own a bu...	Loupiness	10	745	Aug 31, 2007 by thinkstoomuch
	Insanity: Doing the same thing again and again (Preview) Hi everyone. I'm Erin and it's been far too long since I've checked in on this board. I've tried out a handful of face to face meetings in the last couple of weeks but I haven't yet found one that's a good fit. As a "double winner" myself, I know I felt my best when I was working both programs c...	erin in ny	9	665	Aug 31, 2007 by mhgal
	Twelve Stepping- The RELAXED APPROACH (Preview) Hi Alanon Family, This is a keeper, I hope we all benefit from it!! Let's be gentle with ourselves and work our program focusing on us and let our Higher Power do the rest!! Isn't it grand we don't have to fix anyone, we can allow our Higher Power do what He does best-this way we can tend to us and cherish the...	NANUKE	1	590	Aug 31, 2007 by twinmom2
	This too shall pass. Right?? (Preview) Ok. I know I mentioned this in an earlier post but it has become all consuming!!! My AH and I have been completely apart for right at 2 months. Meaning, no hugging, touching, kissing, anything. Now for 14 years I have had the attitude about sex that I could take it or leave it. It was always more of...	QOD	6	486	Aug 31, 2007 by Friendofyours
	Starting to see (long) (Preview) Got a text from the ex this morning. "Hi" I sent back "hey". I am feeling so low. Crying and just feeling sad. I even thought seriously about going out and getting ripped. I haven't had a drink in 13 years. But I stop and think it thru and I know it is not what I want, it wouldn't help an...	serendipity	3	502	Aug 30, 2007 by nmike
	What my next Step when I no longer have a Alcoholic in my life (Preview) Hi I am just feeling wierd at my ftf meetings. I have always felt a little different (being the only guy in most meetings) but lately my feelings are something else. I grew up in a alcoholic home. And truthfully I became one. I went to treatment almost 18 years ago. Been clean ever since. Faithfully went t...	Mindful	11	490	Aug 30, 2007 by Mindful
	Good news, and bad news.... (Preview) (((((((((Everyone))))))))) The summer is always such a worl'wind for me. Kids out of school and going back and forth from mom to me... at work, playing with friends... whew, I love having them around and playing, but what a break when they go back to school! I haven't posted much, cause things have be...	rtexas	11	815	Aug 30, 2007 by jaja
	sometimes you have to look for the good things even if they arent going your way at the moment (Preview) well i thought i was going to my alanon meeting tonight while he went to his..... our five year old had kindergarten orientation tonight at 6:45. the meetings started at 8:00. we got out of there at 8:09~ and that was fine with me i didnt even worry about the meeting till i got in the car and thought about th...	frazzled	4	644	Aug 29, 2007 by Kim65
	What seems to be the magic in the # 7? (Preview) I have noticed while reading through posts that a lot of us have been in these relationships for 7 years before leaving. I thought that was odd because I have been in 2 relationships like this both for 7 years and always joked I can only tolerate 7 years of bs. Now that I see so many others with the same amt...	carolinagirl	8	375	Aug 29, 2007 by Friendofyours
	on empty, depleted (Preview) 4:30am here and I still can't get to sleep. Maybe thinking by writing will help me figgure out how to settle. I've been re-setting my kids and myself to go to bed earlier so we can wake early enough for school. I was doing great until tonight. I am so depleted from seven years of therapists for kids and...	ddub	6	2464	Aug 29, 2007 by Kim65
	need a miracle guy, couple of them in fact (Preview) Dear all, its so great to have this message board, ex-a going to hospital next sunday, for quite a lot of test, not looking good, grant appeal for my PhD has got very messy through delays. Looks like I will be paying back money, have taken full responsibility for same. ex-a still managing to drink every n...	maire rua	3	409	Aug 29, 2007 by Friendofyours
	being in reality (Preview) When I met the A coming up to 7 years ago I had a decent job, was making good money, had choices, was dating, and felt desperate. I hid it very very well. I had no idea how to date and I was incredilby lonely. Along cam ethe A and he was willing and ready to go full throttle into relationship right away. I saw not...	maresie2	5	481	Aug 29, 2007 by Kim65
	I am doing better. (Preview) I found out after I posted yesterdays topic that part of my trouble was that again he was lying and he was not sober. I suspected it, but had no proof. I really realize now that he is in really bad shape. He came over yesterday and before we even got to town he was shaking and going through some heavy withdra...	Jen	5	360	Aug 29, 2007 by Jen
	How to end a relationship... (Preview) I was researching, how to end a relationship. I think it was Dr. Phil who said to end a relationship you cut off all communication. Well, you'd think that would be easy living with an A, cause when do you communication with them? Especially if you work opposite shifts and hardly ever see one another a...	CJ098	6	584	Aug 29, 2007 by QOD
	Signing Divorce Papers on Friday! (Preview) We celebrating my daughter's 5th bday Sat at Chuck-E-Cheese. My AH and his mom & grandma went w/us. We had a good time there. And he was in an incredible mood. Smiling and laughing and of course getting too affectionate towards me AGAIN. Then I screwed up and asked him if he wanted to go w/me and t...	QOD	10	700	Aug 29, 2007 by Andrea12
	Remembering Katrina (Preview) (((((Family)))))), To those of you who were all affected by Hurricane Katrina, you are all in my thoughts and prayers. Hard to believe it's 2 years later. I have seen many of you be so strong, and you have taught me many things including courage and strength. I remember all of you and your families and...	Karilynn	5	319	Aug 29, 2007 by Andrea12
	Where I'm at.. (Preview) For those of you who have been following along... I finally got the key to the new condo on Sunday morning and had about 3/4 of the stuff moved in Sunday night. Of course Monday was a nightmare with waking up late, getting the kids set at their first day of school, the kindergarten teacher forgot to put my...	carolinagirl	6	546	Aug 29, 2007 by QOD
	is this normal??????? (Preview) I am at my wits end right now. My AH has been attending sporadic AA meetings now for abour 4 months. (Precipitatated by my taking our son to my Moms for a couple of weeks, as I work nights, and found he was hiding and drinking while I was at work) This summer has been a rollercoaster of emotions..........mo...	skier	7	584	Aug 29, 2007 by aunitedway
	new rule is it going to hurt me? (Preview) i was reading one of Melody Beatties books on the weekend which I can't find at the moment because my room is a wash with boxes and I can't find anything at all. I realised I needed a new rule Is it going to hurt me. Right now the A is playng victim and passive. He has no money and makes no effort to get any money....	maresie2	6	450	Aug 29, 2007 by Jen
	I found this site on debt collection laws to be very helpful! (closed) (Preview) Post edited for content. Please contact originator by PM if you are interested in this particular site. -- Edited by canadianguy at 12:11, 2007-08-29	carolinagirl	0	340	Aug 29, 2007 by carolinagirl
	Being a grownup Part II (Preview) Hope you don't mind, Lou, I need to borrow your title, it really fits my topic. I'm coming to see I've always had a problem with being a grown up myself. Seven years ago last spring I met my A in southern California. I had been in therapy for two years at that point. The previous summer, my best girlfriend...	Kim65	12	3763	Aug 29, 2007 by carolinagirl
	selfishness (Preview) I think this character defect of a's is one of the things I hate the most!! My a got is one year chip last Sat., and I am very thrilled for him, but man I just don't think that some of the character defects will ever go away!!! Last night was so frustrated with him! He has decided to start taking money out of...	hudsond	8	649	Aug 29, 2007 by hudsond
	Opened a big can of worms (Preview) Maybe I'm making more out of this than there is. It's like since I wrote that post on Saturday about "Being a grown up" I've been flooded and thrown for a loop. I knew my A was a jerk and self centered and probably narcissistic whether he used or not. Though it only once came to him laying ha...	Kim65	12	642	Aug 29, 2007 by carolinagirl
	Obsessing on Controlling AH (Preview) Dear all, For many months I had been obsessing about what I should do about avoiding an active A episode with my AH. I found myself thinking about it all the time rather than simply surrender. The solutions involved going to a hotel, locking the master bedroom, wearing earplugs in the bedroom, leav...	renah	7	640	Aug 29, 2007 by renah
	Just alot going on. And alot to talk to y'all about (Preview) When the urge struck me to annihilate the universities laptop that I was loaned in it's "loan a laptop" I thought "it might be good to check in with my MIP AFG. So, this weekend I was at a work shop . The theme was "the spiritual life is not a theory; we have to live it!." And it...	Tiger2006	3	301	Aug 29, 2007 by Jen
	Taking a break. (Preview) A Hui Ho Miracles in Progress!! (see you later on)... It's time to take a break from the site and concentrate on the Face to Face family and meetings in my area and district. Honestly it's about working this program by it's principles which recently I have had just a bit of difficulty doing here. ( I kn...	Jerry F	16	704	Aug 29, 2007 by Kim65
	I made that step..... (Preview) through those doors. I went to a meeting last week, actually 2 meetings. But if you want to get real technical, 3 meetings. I went on Wed, at 10am to the Beginner meeting & I stayed through the regular meeting which started at 11. I was so nervous, but I did it. And boy did I feel so much better....	anjie	2	396	Aug 28, 2007 by wp
	alanon is great (Preview) i just have to thank God for alanon!! i am new to all of this and have only been to two meetings but i have read everything in the packets when i began and i had my husband pick me up the one day at a time in alanon book when he went to his last meeting. i wanted to go to the meeting for myself. that is the dilemma i ha...	frazzled	3	259	Aug 28, 2007 by frazzled
	Codependency Pressures Affects All Aspects of My Life! (Preview) I must have an invisible tatoo on my forehead which says "tell me your problems" or "let me solve all of your problems" or "World problem solver extraordinaire." What the hell is wrong with me? I am the matriarch of family and other family members think I have the an...	UU_Diana	7	636	Aug 28, 2007 by UU_Diana
	Just when I think I'm doing good. (Preview) I realize that I have always wanted to be the number one in my A's life. I now realize that that is completely unfair of me to expect that, but can't seem to wrap my mind around the fact that I am always going to take a back seat to his recovery program. I understand that this is necessary. So what is it about th...	Jen	3	479	Aug 28, 2007 by abbyal
	thanks for all the feedback (Preview) i responded to my own topic so i wasnt sure if those of you who responded to my first post would get this. some one please let me know the proper way to respond to replies and i will do it the right way! thanks. anyway here is what i said{ well when i found all these responses today i have to tell you i just wante...	frazzled	4	488	Aug 28, 2007 by frazzled
	Today has been a great day!! (Preview) Don't you enjoy those days when everyone you come in contact with is friendly and helpful? When all works out to the good? Today has been one of those days. Started early this morning when I was doing some gardening in the front yard. Sister phoned. She has purchased the condo she wanted on South Pad...	Diva	5	565	Aug 28, 2007 by bobump
	Relief that he's drunk? I must be crazy (Preview) But relief is what I've been feeling since yesterday afternoon when I discovered that the reason why my A never showed up or called Saturday afternoon was because he did start drinking again. And,in all honesty,I had at one time often felt that way when he's disappeared. Angry but relieved. I t...	jaja	5	614	Aug 28, 2007 by carolinagirl
	The other part of the story (Preview) I re-connected with an old friend last month a couple of weeks before the tradgedy. His brother is one of my best friends so I have kept up with him thru the grapevine. I have heard about his run in's with the law, his experimentations with drugs and his stint in rehab and on probation. He called me one day t...	serendipity	4	534	Aug 28, 2007 by carolinagirl
	plan a, b,c (Preview) I'm still very much in the process of moving. I had to get a storage unit and will be moving stuff in there over the next few weeks. I feel incredibly lonely without the A;'s drama taking up center stage. I also feel very concerned for him and his legal issues. I feel a complete fool for putting up with him...	maresie2	3	548	Aug 28, 2007 by carolinagirl
	Once upon a Time ... (Preview) I am a fortunate woman. Once upon a time...a girl was born who was the apple of her daddy's eye. She laughed a lot, she played a lot, her imagination always soared...and she absolutely loved life. Anything was possible then.. Time passed, as time does, and with it the girl discovered that not everyone w...	kismetstrand	11	653	Aug 28, 2007 by carolinagirl
	how do you forgive? (Preview) I haven't posted in a while but I have lurked. I must admit that I split my time between this site and another that deals with emotional manipulation/abuse. The good news is that for the most part, the rules are the same for both A and EA...Detach and Take care of yourself. I am trying to let go of resent...	lil_pieces	5	572	Aug 28, 2007 by renah
	I know this program works! (Preview) ((((((((Family))))))), My program was put to the test yesterday when I came home. Without going into too much details, lets just say there was a hiccup in recovery. I thought something might be going on, but I wasn't sure. Well AH told me very calmy with tears in his eyes. He was so ashamed. The old m...	Karilynn	6	548	Aug 27, 2007 by tea2
	consequences... (Preview) Hi all, I am reeling again from the counseling session that my AsoberH and I had last week. He just sits there with this calm expression on his face, knowing he has been lying to me (and to the law, for that matter), saying to the therapist how he is just this adolescent alcoholic (AA speak) and that cause...	lmt123	8	427	Aug 27, 2007 by lmt123
	lies, lies, lies (Preview) I have tried and tried to believe in my AH, but he just seems incapable of telling the truth. I am so tired at this point of dealing with him that last night I finally told him to just leave me alone. I don't want discuss anything right now except necessary business stuff. I am looking into finding some work...	Jen	6	561	Aug 27, 2007 by lmt123
	Where's the logic? (Preview) My partner A is forever needing tools. Granted he is working hard on restoring our historic house, and is doing a fine job. I am talking about expensive tools, not hammers and screw drivers, but joiners, routers, table saws, reciprocating saws, some huge round thing that cuts angles...the list goes...	Diva	14	706	Aug 27, 2007 by Diva
	Hey Marisie? (Preview) Are you busy moving? Hope you can pace yourself some. Please sit down every once in awhile. I mean it. We have to. Hope you and the critters are enjoying each other. I can't tell you how proud I am of you for hanging in there and taking responsibility for your animal family. I know from experience, sometim...	debilyn	1	265	Aug 27, 2007 by maresie2
	showing up (Preview) Hi, Okay, now where to go from here. Seems to be a problem i have. Never knowing where to start or what to say. i have been, as has been said, "lurking" around here for a long time. Not very new to Alanon, but all the same it stll feels very new to me. Maybe some basics to start off with. Grew up in...	binohio	7	525	Aug 27, 2007 by binohio
	something or nothing (Preview) I don't want to keep singing the same song so decided to ask if I am mixed up again. It is so hard to keep your mind straight. I am doing so much better not reacting or not trying to fix other family members dilemas so everything is controlled by me. I am working hard at having no expectations except I thou...	ddub	3	353	Aug 27, 2007 by Jen
	Help. I've fallen and can't get up! (Preview) Obsessing. I think that's the word for what I'm doing again. Since last night. I didn't get much sleep because of it. My A has been on my mind constantly no matter what I do to occupy myself. Things have been going well a whole month and a half. My daughter has been home from college and my grandaughter...	jaja	5	499	Aug 27, 2007 by Jen
	I trusted again, and again it was turned on me (Preview) Iv'e been going to f2f meetings 2 to 3 times a week. I think this week I'm going to need to up them. My short story version: We have been married 17years, and together 24years. My AH has obstained from alcohol use for 8 month now after 3 detox attempts in 2.5 years. He still is smoking pot. He still attends a...	pabell	6	366	Aug 26, 2007 by nmike
	recovering alcoholic/addict husband (Preview) I am newly married (2 years) and my husband has been sober for over 20 years. My problem is that he does not know how to show affection. He has a brick wall up and I don't know how to break it down. He is very rigid, everything is either black or white, and has even told me that he has no problems talking with...	october	6	856	Aug 26, 2007 by Kim65
	Alcoholic, abusive husband (Preview) I have not posted here in a very long time. I married my husband Dec 30 2006. Soon after our marriage he became increasingly abusive to the point of physical abuse when he was drunk. He was always somewaht emotionally abusive, in the form of jealousy, possessiveness, but when drinking it was much worse...	verenda	5	730	Aug 26, 2007 by abbyal
	The chair...finale... (Preview) I decided to go back to Home Depot and get the chair. Should have bought it yesterday, but that opportunity passed. It was $34.00 yesterday. Remember that. Today when I decided to go, A partner offered to go with me in case I needed help getting the thing in the back of the car. I said, "OK,&quo...	Diva	10	441	Aug 26, 2007 by Kim65
	What is serenity? (Preview) Is it this feeling that I have that no matter what happens everything is going to be ok?	carolinagirl	6	1688	Aug 26, 2007 by Karilynn
	Qualifier? (Preview) As I read I am not always aware of the vocabulary in Alanon as I am relatively new...my question for the day .....what is meant by calling our A's our qualifier? If that was the only question I actually had what an easy day this would be....I have so many....like why can't I sleep? Why does this feel like...	Fifi	3	7417	Aug 26, 2007 by Loupiness
	I just kept praying for strength until........ (Preview) I GOT IT!!!!!! I am sitting at my desk with a headache and feeling very weepy at the moment. Here is why: I have a 1 bedroom apartment attached to my home that is in the suburbs. Since December a friend of mine, who left her husband, was living there. Things have started to settle down for her and now she is bu...	Gailey	10	527	Aug 26, 2007 by Karilynn
	DWI Question? (Preview) Hello All, AH got DWI and had his license revoked. Is our car insurance still valid since his license is revoked? I just thought of this today. He is the primary insurance holder and all cars are registered to him. (I am in NY). He was arrained, not tried yet. Any experieces out there, please share. Thank...	evey	4	519	Aug 25, 2007 by shebear
	prioritizing? (Preview) Help....I am so overwhelmed by my life.....it is just me....no A anymore (other than the shell shock I feel in the aftermath of him which is very real and present). BUt I try and work at 3 different locations...long hard days...then come home to take care of two kids...the house is a mess, lawn unmowed,...	Fifi	7	524	Aug 25, 2007 by Fifi
	Being a grown-up... (Preview) I met my AHsober when I was 17, and we've just passed our 18 yr anniversary. When we first got married, I supported us while he was in grad school and then he became the breadwinner of the family while I stayed home with the kids. I continued the role of money-manager, mainly because we just never change...	Loupiness	6	454	Aug 25, 2007 by Jen
	the pain of surgery has its blessings (Preview) Hi Alanoners. Thank you all for your support. Here and cyber space adn at face to face and all my friends and coworkers. walked into surgery with my support system in place. sa w my A lasat week and he ignored me and didn't ask about my upcoming surgery. didnt worry about it said a prayer but during the surg...	nmike	5	309	Aug 25, 2007 by Maria123
	I think I am losing it. (Preview) This is my first post and really, my first visit to this particular site. I googled in desperation and this is where I landed. I hope you don't mind me dropping in to scream a little. I just broke up with my alcoholic signifigant other last saturday. (the 18th of Aug.) I have heard nothing from him and...	Jenna_77	11	1172	Aug 25, 2007 by Maria123
	I'm finally here! (Preview) Hello everyone! I finally got registered after 3 days of reading everyone's posts. I am so glad to be here. It's so comforting knowing I'm not alone and there are other people dealing with what I am too. I finally feel like I'm headed in the right direction. Ready for my book?! I am living with my AH...	CJ098	6	316	Aug 25, 2007 by Maria123
	Lost & Alone (Preview) I have been feeling lost and alone for a long time now. Maybe it has only been like this for 3 years, as long as I have been with her, but it feels like lifetimes when you are consumed every second of every moment with the A & the alcohol. The drinking wasn't always this bad & there was a time tha...	Alethea	5	963	Aug 25, 2007 by Maria123
	One day, one thing at a time... (Preview) Well, I have done a little bit of reading on co-dependency, funny that I have heard the term, have known all along that I was enabling but I avoided any literature or conversations that dealt with the subject. I think that I was not just afraid but certain that I would find myself within the words and the...	Toni	6	403	Aug 25, 2007 by Maria123
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.