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I don't know where I am in my life--but I feel everyone is expecting so much of me and I am sooo resentful. We are leaving on a 2 week camping trip and my 82yr. old Mom says--Oh I sure wish I could go--Now I mean she really means it! She has had her day of holidays and I think now its my turn. Our 5 adult children and their spouses hardly ever see us--or even call us---just usually when they need something. Now how can thaeet be!!! But it is true--they expect--and call us just when they need us--babysittings, loans, etc. Our Son got married 1 month ago--they still have not cashed the cheque we gave them (a fare amount to $)-I emailed my DIL and she said her hubby never mentioned the card--never mind the $$. All I want to to make sure the cheque never got lost---are they so rich that they don't NEED to cash the cheque. So for 3 days now they cannot even call or e-mail or acknowledge the card and money gift. Talk about SPOILEd! I have been very affected in my younger years with a A brother and then a A hubby and now a A son and A step-daughter. So my meeting are going to be very important to me and I so need to practice what I learn. I never ask for much - but I am human and I think after I babysat the whole summer for DIL the least she could of done was buy me a lunch. No nothing-just thanks. Well I guess that just doesn't cut it anymore.......anyway long story sorry---I am getting bitter and I don't want to be a bitter old lady (I am 57)!! So I told DH hubby I feel like I need counselling because it is affecting my health and I already have very high blood pressure. guess I need more in my life - since I retiired 2 years ago. So sorry for rambling but please gave me a little ensight - perhaps someone has been thru similar circumstances. Please give me hope because I am soooo sinking deeper.... Bonnie
Sounds like you could use that word "no" in your vocabulary :) If you feel used, the simplest way out is don't allow it. "No" used to be difficult for me too, but I learned it is a important part of taking care of me. A big eye opener for me was that "We teach people how to treat us" by accepting their bad behavior. We are afraid to ruffle any feathers, but that fear takes us down a path that leads to feeling used and abused. Boundaries come in handy when we learn where to place them. They are for our own protection. As far as the check and the babysitting..that's just rude. I don't believe I'd be doing either again. Take care of you by not taking care of everyone else. You might like it :)
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I'm with Christy on this one. You can't expect anyone to treat you better if you keep allowing yourself to be used. If you don't respect you any better, then why should they? No has to be a prominent part of a persons vocabulary, esp if they live with A's in their lives.
Also, expectations are the seeds of resentment. If you do things for people with specific expectations in mind, you are setting yourself up to be used and resentful about it. If you know they won't appreciate what you do, then don't do it. You can't change them no matter how much you pee into the wind. You just get wet. LOL
Do something nice for yourself, and try to have a better day.
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
For years I expected a thank you or some sort of acknowledgement for gifts for birthdays, weddings, graduations, baby gifts only to be disappointed.
After I started in "my" program I learned that expectations are merely premeditated disappointments. So I changed my attitude. If I give something and it's from my heart then what the recipient does or doesn't do with it is up to them, not me.
I also learned how to say "NO" with no explanations and I closed the Bank Of Mom.
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
Yep, I agree with the other points.... "NO" might be your best option. Otherwise, you will remain in this quandry, where you are unfortunately providing "conditional love" to others around you - doing things for them, and then "expecting" something in return. In my experience, that is nearly always a recipe for disappointment and frustration.
So your end choice becomes rather simple. Either do these things with no expectation of anything in return (then when you DO get something, it will actually be more appreciated by you), or simply don't do them at all.
The nice thing about your situation is that YOU are in control of fixing this one :)
Take care Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
