The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I met my AH at the bank Friday after work so we could sign our divorce papers and have them notorized. He hadn't even read them. So when we sat down I asked him if he wanted to read them or if he just wanted me to sum them up for him. He said he figured he ought to read them but that I could just tell him what they said. So I told him that they state that he takes his debts and I take mine. I have full custody of the kids but that there is not set child support or visitation schedule....that we have agreed to the terms on our own. I figured this is best b/c I wouldn't go after him for not paying any way so why have it set up w/the courts. And when he is straight, as he is now, I have full faith that he will give me money for the kids. And he did actually give me $1000 for them on Friday from his 2 paychecks he had just gotten. As far as visitation goes, I would never keep him from seeing his kids as long as he is straight and working to make a life for himself. And I am pretty flexible. I don't feel a set schedule is really good for us and the kids. So we will wing it.
Outside of that, the weekend went pretty good. We ended up spending almost the whole weekend together. This was a bit unsettling b/c he started getting "too friendly" again.....as he always does when we spend too much time together w/out fighting. I just wanted him to be able to spend time w/the kids before school started but that ended up being a bad thing. By Monday afternoon, he was hitting me up for sex. He had done some things around the house for me (cut my grass, washed my car, picked up pizza one night, gone school clothes shopping w/me & the kids-I paid for all of this out of my own pocket). Anyway, I had thanked him Monday after the shopping was done for everything and his comment was he was trying to think of a way I could repay him.....saying this w/a grin & a wink. Oh I was mad. I said that if spending time together so he can visit the kids creates a problem, then we'd have to figure something else out. This ticked him off and he managed to get his snake bite wit back about him.....he asked me if I thought I was that irresistable. I just looked at him and laughed. I told him that couldn't be the farthest thing from my mind....but that he obviously thinks that it is going to happen and it is not.
So from that point on, his mood was so rotten. He went back to my house, took a nap in the recliner for 2-3 hours, got up and left. BLAH....what a crappy way to ruin a pretty good weekend. I enjoy spending time w/him when he is clean and sober & in a good mood....but I don't want to get back together w/him, don't want to have sex w/him.....just want to be able to spend time w/him and the kids w/out feeling like I owe him something in return.
Oh well, at least I got my divorce papers signed. He can't take that back now. He didn't even want a copy for himself. It is all in my hands now. :)
YAY congratulations. I'm glad you got the deed done. I'm sorry he couldn't just act like a nice normal guy and be there for the kids without wanting sex. Oh well, maybe with time it will change, at least you can tolerate being around him. My A always thought he could change my mind with sex and it used to work, but not anymore. Sounds like that's where you're at too.
Glad you got the papers signed anyway. Hopefully the rest will kind of just go away if you ignore him, or better yet letting him know where you stood was a great thing.
He's blaming YOU for being irresistable?? Good one! We need an eyerolling smiley :)
"After we sign the divorce papers, let's get a room, baby!"
What a way to make all this "no big deal" to him. I'm glad it IS a big deal to you, and I wish you continued strong boundaries and that freedom that will now be yours very soon. No matter what he does you and the kids are going to be fine. Good for you. And I have to say you are very kind to him as well. I hope he'll stay sober and come to see this for himself.
I just wanted to say I'm glad you were able to have the papers signed - as you have shared before - this will be a boundary for you that you will know have a firm ground to stand upon should the time arise.
Keep taking good care of YOU.
Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Good for you. I can see how he would get mixed signals though. Maybe you should wash your own car, clothes shop by yourself, ect. Men just don't see things the way we do. Maybe he is thinking there is still hope as long as you "need" him. Know what I mean? Just an idea. :) Good luck to all of you. ^i^
Kim's comments realy stuck with me. My A always hasd a way of making everything no big deal and it used to really upset me. Of course it is a bid deal when it comes to him but my issues are never a big deal. On his way over to me on the weekend I asked him to get an inhaler (I have asthma). he didn't do it. I was really in a bad way with the spare the air stuff. I had to go out myself and get it.
He's always made my illnesses no big deal.
I know in some ways our separation is no big deal tot he A but it is huge to me. I continue to work on being emotionally separate from him and only then can I see him as he really is rather than what I want to make him be.
Glad the paper got signed. Sometimes they just don't get it. But hopefully after a while he will so that the visitations will be easier. Much love and blessings to you and your family. Here's to starting a new chapter in your life.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
