The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ok. I know I mentioned this in an earlier post but it has become all consuming!!! My AH and I have been completely apart for right at 2 months. Meaning, no hugging, touching, kissing, anything. Now for 14 years I have had the attitude about sex that I could take it or leave it. It was always more of a hassle to me than anything. I had researched low sex drives and found that it probably had a bit to do w/birth control pills. Well, I couldn't exactly stop taking them so I just dealt with it.
Well I screwed up my last pack of pills a few weeks ago and stopped taking them. I figured I would just start fresh w/my new pack. I was supposed to start that new pack last Sunday but didn't manage to get to the pharmacy to pick it up until Tuesday. At which time, it was too late to start it. I did that last month and it totally screwed me up. So I figured I would go a month w/out it and start it up next month. Why not? I am not having sex. Not going to get pregnant.
Well, I don't know if that has anything to do with the way I am feeling right now or what. But sex is all I can think about. It is all consuming. I have NEVER been this way. I am seriously having a problem with this. I am finding myself looking at men and thinking "Yummy. Bet he'd be fun." I have to slap myself back into reality. This is NOT me. So I am thinking maybe it is the lack of certain medicines I was getting in my birth control. My hormones are on the loose and have taken control over me. Maybe it has something to do with the knowledge that I am signing my divorce papers on Friday. The divorce won't be final until Mid Jan but still, there is that feeling of freedom involved. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I have never been w/another man besides my AH. He was my first and only in almost 16 years.
All I know is this had better pass me by really soon. I am going flat out crazy. The last thing I need in my life is another man. Talk about making things complicated. Heck, even if I could handle the emotional aspects of being involved w/someone right now, the drama it would cause in my life w/my kids and my soon to be Ex-AH, would be enough to drive me bananas. I guess I just need to get through the next few weeks until I can start my new pack of pills. Then hopefully things will calm back down again. So I am praying to my HP for the strength to overcome these feelings, for reminders about how messed up things would get if I gave into them and for heaven sakes, please keep me away from good looking single men b/c I don't need to additional temptation. Although it might be fun. LOL. :)
Thanks for listening. Sorry it is a little off the wall. But maybe someone else out there is going through this and will find comfort in knowing they are not alone in these strange feelings.
You are not alone. I hit 30 and I was like a different woman. Going thru the divorce and all of the feelings and emotions and stress. Sometimes our bodies react to stress in different ways. I have given in a couple of times being single again and enjoyed myself. A couple of times I didn't and that made me stop and think....was it worth it? There is so much to worry about these days. Not just getting stuck with another A but diseases that can kill. So, whatever you decide be as safe as you can be. This is your life and we only go around once. I try not to shut myself down to whatever life has to offer. Enjoy the beauty in others. No harm in looking!
I went "nuts" in the head at the time of my divorce too! It will pass! It could be partially due to the pill thing, but I think everybody goes nuts in the time of divorce. I think it's the everything is "new" and "what if" that gets us! Not that we go and jump everyone that looks good or moves, maybe it's just the whole--we are getting a new/ another chance.
I think we all lose our minds in a divorce, they do come back in time though!!
I don't take the pill (for obvious reasons), but I know your sex drive is certainly attached to your emotions. When we are at our worst (my wife and I) ... I just really don't even want to have sex hardly at all, just don't even think about it... and that is not normal for me. Hey, I am a guy and the rumors are true (every 7 seconds was it?) LOL
I bet you will find some middle ground somewhere... it will just take some time.
Know I have been following your posts and you are in my thoughts and prayers. :)
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Thanks to all for the support. Good grief I am needing some serious support right now. LOL. And RTexas....every 7 seconds??? Hmmm betcha I could beat ya on that one right now. LOL. I am border-line obsessive at the moment.
I don't see the problem! Ya know you can "love" yourself right??? Plus.......your a grown up now and there are such things as condoms. For the love of God go have fun!!!! I personally don't see the problem with going out and having sex for the sake of having sex. (if you are careful of course) Society makes it ok for men but not for woman. When I split up with ahsober over a year ago and I KNEW we were over I went out and low and behold was the most beautiful long blond haired man who just got off of his Harley (he was not a scum bag lol). It was at karoke night and he was up singing and had a really cute personality so I set my eyes on him like a target (hehehe bad girl) long story short...........I got em. Yes it was a one night stand and I made that very clear and it was the BEST night. Hot, steamy, free. I did it for alot of reasons. Being 35, wanted to be validated as a woman, wanted control, thrill of the chase. I have no regrets. Now.....ah has then become sober and tends to my needs and I came clean to him about it. He doesn't like the idea but I am human and was not going to wait any longer. This isn't for everyone, some people are prudes and believe in monogramy and that's all good for them but if you are a single woman and you are careful I don't see the big deal and it's LOTS of fun! Go be a woman, you deserve it.
