The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi My name is Lynn. I have been married to an AH/DA for 14 years now. We have 3 children together.
I have put up with alot, and Iam sure their are many who put up with more than I have.
Over the years, I have dealth with the usual, dui's, no money, him not coming home. Getting mad, fighting, making up.
In the past 2 years, our marriage has gone down hill. One day he went in to the hospital for a hernia, and then he got hooked on pain pills.
He had told me about it, and I knew about the drinking.... and he said he'd stop. Well, we all know how that goes. I thought he had, because why should I doubt him.
Anyways, this past April, I had to kick him out as the disease got really bad. He was stealing money from us,his mom and going to work and drinking and using.
I had started up Al-anon meetings, and thought we were doing great, doing the right thing. We went to group family meetings at his rehab. They taught me to look for his old behaviors, that would surface long before he would use. Well, let me just tell you..... he came home in the begininng of July. He has now been out of our new home since Aug 11th.
I had tried to tell him to go to more than the one meeting he was making, and I asked him if was speaking to his sponor and his "we" friends....and I got if, I feel I need to go to more meetings, I'll go.....
Well, it all hit the fan, when he had his mothers mac card and used money to buy dope with it. I caught him on it, and told him that he needed to leave. That he wasn't sticking to my guidelines for him to be here....and things got worse. He threatened me that he would trash the cars, if I didn't give him the keys. Well, I of course did NOT give him the keys.....and when I left the house he said I'd be sorry.
When I returned home the next day, my one car was missin, and there was a message on the phone from a cop. He broke into the car, used a screw driver to break off the ignition and then used the screwdriver to start it. He had also broken into his mom's house stole her money,pills and some rifles. He was going to sell them.
My thing is, for me this is it.... I coulda just handles a relapse....but for him to threaten me about breaking the cars, then actually breaking the one, and threaten to trash my house...just set me over the top.
We are still barely talking, and I really have nothing to say to him. I am going to my al-anon meetings, and they said to keep doing what I'm doing.
He just doesn't seem to get it. He keeps saying it was just the one time since he went into rehab in April.... Yeah, I get that and that is great.... I just dont think I can get over the threatening part and breaking into his moms hhouse....
What kind of example is that for our children, if I would just let him back in here and blow it off yet again???
Sorry, didn't mean to sit and ramble.
I hope to get to know alot of you and thanks for letting me vent
Welcome to MIP Lynn! This place is a great adjunct to meetings, I come here myself daily.
The property damage has me concerned, by law it would qualify you for a restraining or protection order. He sounds like his disease is taking another downward spiral. It's so hard to watch them destroy themselves . . . and too often the destruction comes OUR way, and we have to be very careful. This guy is a loaded gun, I sincerely hope someone has called the police and not just let him "slide" without any accountability for his actions.
I have a drug addicted A too who I had to kick out with the help of the "law" last June. I have no direct contact with him thank God. I can't say what a blessed relief it is to not have him and his chaos and drama in my life. A restraining order was essential to get him away from me, but I thought he had to hit me or something first. I found out that is not the case.
I hope you continue to visit us here and join in on the discussion threads. We love new members :D . You sound very strong and committed to your program. Keep coming back, I look forward to getting to know you better :)
Welcome Lynn! We all have our stories, some worse than others, like you said, but we have all been affected, hurt, and damaged by addictions of one sort or another. You will find friendship and understanding here. Glad you found us. Keep coming back! Love in Recovery, Becky1
Hi Lynn, Welcome! I agree about getting a restraining order. My husband was also an A as well as a cocaine addict. I left him about one year ago, filed for divorce (one year ago tomorrow!) and haven't looked back!
I never thought he'd do anything to threaten me or hurt me, and technically, he didn't. However, he did fire a gun off in our yard in the middle of the day while drunk and drugged up that could have hurt someone else. We lived in a nice family neighborhood and the houses are fairly close together. He did it over the phone in a voicemail message meant to scare me into thinking he was killing himself.
I thought I knew this man. I never thought he'd do anything that crazy. My point is, you never know what someone under the influence of any substance will do. You need to look out for yourself and your property and protect it... your neighbors too! When I played the voicemail message for my attorney he immediately filed the restraining order.
I wish you all the best... take care of you! Artygirl.
__________________
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
My AH is a drug addict, too. I had to put him out of the house again 2 days after my bday on Aug 12. He had everybody thinking he was sober 9 mos. I had suspected, but working my program, helped me let him do his own thing.
I know this isn't ESH. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. Your story sounded kind of familiar, except for the violence. (Mine is the king of "poor me".)
I think he has about 4 days sober again now, but can't trust what he says, only what he does.
Anyway, hang in there. Keep coming back here. You are among friends who truly understand.
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Welcome, I'm so proud of you for showing the courage it takes to stick to your boundaries. Keep coming back for our online meetings too. You are in my thoughts and my prayers as are the kids. What a great step to show them how to be a good example by reaching for help.
