(((((Paula)))))   (())<--- those are hugs

A)  you don't need to ask forgiveness of us... we all got here the relatively the same way.  because of the pain/misery/chaos/etc that the disease of alcoholism has effected on us

B)  where do you start?  this website and Al-Anon works miracles~~ you just have to work it.  There is no right or wrong way; this is just an oasis of people that are emotionally available to listen AND HEAR you, then share their ESH (experience, strength and hope).

When I got here, it was the first time I ever put my story, my heartache and frustration, my anger, fear and resentment down on paper.  You are more than welcome to click on my name or others' name and take a look at their first postings.  It is a great feature on this forum. 

What worked for me might not work for you, but I will say this one last piece.  Alcoholism is a devastating, baffling and cunning disease.  It rips families and people to shreds.  The stress and anguish is usually too much for anyone to deal with it on their own; so we come together as this Al-Anon family to share our ESH and love and peace.  
My life with my wife was excrutiating.  I was constantly seeming to walk on eggshells to try to avoid her fits, tantrums, and mostly her wanting to drink.  After getting here to Al-Anon, someone mentioned (and I finally realized) a couple very important things.
1. I didn't cause it.
2. I can't cure it.
3. I can't control it.

I encourage you to read posts and write out your feelings.  It was what brought me out of the isolation and depression that truly was eating away my life.

with love,
cj

Thanks for posting, sometimes it helps to get your story out, it helped me. Everyone on this board has been through something similar and we are all in different stages of dealing with the issues. It is helpful to read through others' posts for insight and to know that you are not alone in this.