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Hi I am just feeling wierd at my ftf meetings. I have always felt a little different (being the only guy in most meetings) but lately my feelings are something else. I grew up in a alcoholic home. And truthfully I became one. I went to treatment almost 18 years ago. Been clean ever since. Faithfully went to AA for at least 10 years then went to ACOA and in the last 4 years I have been going to Alanon. Both my parents went to treatment after me. So lots of good stuff. Have a pretty good realationship with both of them. (Dad still a challage at times but using the alanon tools can be around him most of the time) A three years ago I got into a relationship with a girl in AA she had 3 years at the time. well long story.. she relapsed and I tried to help... .... you know the story didn't work. I have to Say that my alanon groups were my life saver. So many times I was hurting and lost and those ladies helped me make it. Well have been away from that girl for over a year and have meet someone new she does not drink and does not have a problem with it. To be truthful the I have no one in my life the is a active achololic. In fact the only time I ever think about it is when my dad talks about it. After 17 years he is still going to 6 or 7 meetings a week. It is pretty much his addiction now. Ok long story I know.. Back to my current feelings in my groups. I took a break from the meetings and resently I have been going back because I miss the good thoughts and the reminder how important my spiritual life is. But I have to say I feel that the things I am dealing with are different than what is talked about in the meetings. Please don't get me wrong I am so grateful for how alanon helped me when I was dealing with trying to live with a active acoholic. I mean isn't that what the perpose is supposed to be? And in no way am I saying I am better than ... I am just feeling like my issues are different set of problems. Like gaining weight, or dealing with a blended family, or my just being motivated to do more at my job. And yes I use many of the alanon principles everyday..I am just feeling out of place in my current meetings. I live in a pretty small town 50,000 So I have been to all the Al anon meetings. I guess I felt the same way in AA after about 10 years. I just didn't need to keep talking about the last time I drank. Again I am not trying to put down AA. It works And I am forever grateful for it. It changed my life.. But now that I have been sober sober longer than I drank ... it just seemed my needs changed. that is when I went to Alanon and I so glad that I did. Now in Alanon I am feeling like my needs have changed again.. I am not sure what to do. Any feedback would great. Again please know that I respect both programs. And until I find something that works better I will still be a proud memeber of Alanon. But what do you do when you no longer have Acoholiusm in your life? And feel like you need a little different kind of support. Thank you for letting get this off my chest, Mindful :)
I think a lot of people deal with this. I know for me my recovery has been about finding different groups at different times. I dont' think there is anything wrong in looking at checking out different resources. Online has been great for me. I am happy for you you have no active alcoholic in your life at the moment. I think that is a great boundary. I have very few people in my life but I must end my isolation so I think that I will be looking at boundaries in a different way shortly.
I'm looking forward to that day! Thanks for posting that, it shows that there is hope that one day I might have a "normal" life. Although, I think that many of the steps from alanon help with those other issues too like kids and weight loss, etc. Also, there are plenty of other groups out there for blended families and overeating. Hope that was somewhat helpful.
I would recommend continuing to work the steps with your sponsor, continuing to go to meetings, continuing to sign up for service, and seeing if there are service opportunities outside of the meeting. Now that you are not being inundated with the insanity of alcholism, you have the opportunity to work on you full time. It is uncomfortable, but will be the best thing that has ever happened to you if you choose to take the opportunity full tilt.
Why keep going? Because we need "old-timers", we need those who have "been there, done that", who can share their ESH with newcomers, we need to be reminded of what we don't want our lives to be, and others need to see what their life can be. Because this is a program about "me", not them (the alcoholic). Because these principles are principles to be practiced "in all our affairs" (blended families, work, weight, communication, any and everything). It's not just talking about how to deal with alcohol issues, but all the issues that come with learning how to live life in a healthy and happy way. Because we never stop growing, learning, changing. Because you may be the one person who says just the right something that someone like me needed to hear when I first walked thru the door. (And yes, my current sponsor was that person, and I am so thankful that she still is here.) And maybe because you're Family now and always will be. *smile*
Thank you for asking that question. It's a good one.
Luv, Kis
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Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
It has been along time since I have lived with active alcoholism , but I continue to attend meetings Al-Anon cause today I know that I am my biggest problem . Me and my head can take me places I never intended to go. hehe The principles that are in our program have and continue to improve all of my relationships the longer I am here the better they get. And for me, you said it all when u said u missed those ladies in the meetings , the ones who helped you in the past . The only way as I understand it -to keep what I have found is to keep going and give back what was given to me . HOPE to the newcommer who comes in and just dosent know where to turn next. You say your prob are different , are they really ? Al-Anon is a program for living !!!! and hopfully we will both be doing that for awhile . We get out of our meetings what put in . good luck Louise I don't get the people who say I want alife with out meetings , ummmmm I often ask what kind of a life did you have before the meetings .
I guess I feel as you do and do not agree for the most part of the posters. There are times we need "breaks" and we see it alot on this board. Just take your break and use what you've learned and come back when you need us/them. I couldn't bombard myself with al-anon, an alcoholic, my mother, trying to lose weight, my children, ect. So one thing at a time. I came here, started to lose weight and focused on that until I got to my goal weight. When I needed support to handle the A I would come back. Al-anon teaches you to take care of yourself. This isn't a Klan or a cult, you can come and go as you please. lol But I have to agree that there are times when I need it and want to listen and share and then there are times I've just had my fill. This is just my opinion, it's worked for me and I am happy and healthy. What good would any program be if it didn't eventually work so you could move on from it? Good luck :)
I agree. Your post gave me so much hope that life will get better. Maybe you are not getting out of the program what you used to get out of it but you are certainly giving back. If this program were left to those of us in crisis and pain it would quickly come to an end. We need you to give us the ESH. So, maybe, you are in a place to give back. Just by being here (or there) and giving comfort to the ones who are in a bad spot. Maybe you don't need to go to as many meetings, or maybe there is a new issue in your life that needs more of your focused attention but know that this program needs you as much as it ever has and maybe more so.
Feeling that I don't relate is one reason I sought to connect in other 12 step programs and can be a good thing. I am a triple winner and have a tendancy to float where I perceive my current problem is. I will say that what is common in every program or group is that the steps are the same, we still have fears and resentments perhaps just about different things as life changes. In the end, I have circled back to the same programs because that is where I can give service and work all 12 steps. I also at different times in my life have sought support outside program from other types of groups not necessarily 12 step.
Best of luck to you. Thanks for sharing. Take what you like and leave the rest.
Thank you all for your replies each one of you made some valid points that I will take with me. I think it is good for me to give back to the newcomer and I do agree that I need to continue my step work. Maybe just tweak it a little to fit my current issues. I think that most important I need to remain open to what my Higher Power would bring into my recovery(life). In going back and re reading what I wrote it shows that I have tried to take control of my life again ummm thats not an alanon issue is it? :) It is funny someone wrote this program is not about the alcoholic
THAT IS SO TRUE!!! it never really was... it was about my reactions to the situation.
I guess I have been going to the same meetings listing to the same people say mainly the same stuff and to be really honest I think I have been waiting for them to enlighten me To the next step in this journey is . Well that is not their job! !!! Once again I need to be responsible for me :)
I guess I have a very important fundamental way of looking at the meetings. And by my writing I can see I have forgotten it.
I guess there have been times I have went to the meetings and not gotten much out of them (was not in any sort of crisis) and to be honest I was not doing much with my own recovery outside the meetings. I would go there and that would be my recovery.. this is some real honesty. I think most people do this at times.
But I really think that the meetings serve me the best when I really work my recovery outside the meetings: read, pray, journal, meditate, continue to work the steps on current issues including the writing it takes, And call and keep talking to my sponsor. When I am doing this stuff (or even most of them) and then I go to the meetings and I am more of reporting in on how I am working my program and to really truthful I think that is when I have the much more capacity to be there for the newcomer. I am not sure if this makes sense to anyone. So again thank you for letting share and really thank you for all your feedback. I still need to hear it. Wisdom comes from you all. I will continue to work my program do the work it takes and then report back to you :) Any other feedback or ideas are really welcome!! Good thoughts your way, Mindful
