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Boohoo. Boohoo. I am tired of hearing AH crying about how sick he feels because they are cutting him back on his methadone. After all the money he has taken away from our family to feed his addictions over the years. After all of the money he has already spent over the past 7 months at the methadone clinic. After all the lies he has told me to protect his addictions. After all of the crazy nights I had to sit and say nothing while he ranted that it was all my fault. After all of the times he has made me feel like I was the one looked at the world wrong.
I could go on. I do not have sympathy because he is experiencing flu-like symptoms. I could care less, go whine to someone else.
Why do I not care? Because I know that he is still using. He is one big phony, and I just cannot have sympathy for him anymore.
After all it's his problem not yours! I know what you mean about being sick of the sickness. I remember when my husband would come off heroin (I didn't realize it for a long time that that was what it was) and he would be sick, my bones ache, I can't poop, my stomach hurts, dripping sweat and finally I had done so much taking care I couldn't take care anymore. Now I'm pretty unsympathetic to everyone who is sick, even the kids. I guess that's not really fair and I never really thought about that being the reason. I'm burnt out on caring for sickies? LOL I do always accuse the oldest of faking and don't give her as much care as the others - then again she complains constantly and I can never tell if it's true or not.
My exA would go out on a two week binge and slither back home and be "sick" in bed for days. For a while he acted out in anger and yes, even confusion and hurt, that I left him alone and refused to caretake him (or even listen to his moaning).
I guess after a while he figured I wouldn't transform into Florence Nightingale. I never did have much sympathy for people that deliberately hurt themselves and then want to be caretaken. YUCK. Best thing I ever did was ignore my A during his "recovery episodes" from bingeing. For me, that is. It was one more step toward detatchment, and I felt better whether he did or not :D . Yay Alanon!
My A is the king of "poor me". Just like Kim says, the best thing I ever did was not give sympathy for this behavior. He went so far as to almost get himself hurt deliberately( He works with horses for a living, so thats not too hard), just for the sympathy trip he'd get from every costomer he saw for days. He sounded so pathetic that I finally just got mad about it and told him so every time he tried to pull it at home. I guess I was pretty harsh, but he did finally realize that sympathy is not what he really wants out of life. Now he often catches himself when he starts.
Anyway, just wanted to let you know you are not alone. Giving them sympathy just feeds their craving for more.
Hang in there.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
I sure can relaterto your post. I don't feel sorry for mine any more either. He is the one making the poor choices.
He was hospitalized twice this summer for heart problems. The cardiologist told him he MUST stop drinking totally , lose aat least 50 pounds and exercise a minimum of 30 minutes a day. He refuses to follow a single order. The doctor told me bluntly he can lost weight or die. SO I am jsut accepting that he'd rather die, that change his eating habits. He refuses exercise. HE eats, sleeps, watches TV and gets drink. That's about it. He's on disability and is not allowed to work, but there are many things he is quite capable of doing.
Yesterday he got roaring ripped drunk. I got home from my day job before 2 PM and he was out of it. I stayed about 15 minutes, went to my regular manicure appointment, back for about 35 minuts and went to my evening job. By the time I got home at 7:15 he was passed out. This morning he has a hangover and would, not get up to talk or to go out for coffee. I will go back to work and he'll probably sleep until 10 and then go to Panerra for 2 cheese danish. His poor choices. That's how I see it. No need for me to suspend my life and put my actions on hold to keep an eye on him.
Last night when I left for my night job, he put on his shoes and said he was coming over to my job and "straighten those people out". Afraid not. I told him..no need. The people who were at the local office were not the ones who wanted to let me go, it's the corporate offices in New York. I decided if he DID come over and raise hell, I'd call 911 and have him arrested. Luckily, he stayed home.
So I can totally agree with you. Let them whine all they want. They made the poor choices andd continue to make them So be it. I have to live my life and I plan to do jsut that.
For years my AH was sick, sick, sick, and I had NO IDEA that it had anything to do with aism/addiction. He wretched every morning (is that familiar to anyone?), ulcers, partially paralyzed stomach, asthma, sweats, chronic nausea and diarrahea, vomiting, serious depression, and at the end was in back spasms all the time and his skin hurt to touch. Oh, and all the time he was irritated that I did not show more compassion for him, but he chose not to do anything about it other than feel sorry for himself, and we all know the healing power that has. Continual trips to Dr. I know early on the advice was exercise, decrease work, eat better, sleep and lose weight. I wish I knew if the Drs. ever caught on to the real underlying issues. Since my AH was in such denial (and he is a medical professional himself) I wonder.... Even if he knew, I bet he fooled the docs really well.
The good news is that he has been sober for 7 mos and has lost 50+ lbs. He looks great, and definately feels better (all his medical issues have miraculously disappeared), but you know he is still in such denial that he would never admit that aism/addiction had anything to do with it? It was all my fault, you know? His health was reclaimed by moving out of the house. Amazing. My thoughts and sympathies are with you all. Just keep on keeping on....
Blessings,
Lou
__________________
Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
