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I wanted to catch you all up on things with me. I haven't been around the board or the chatroom much for the last couple of weeks due to an eye issue, as many of you know.
My eye is getting better but is still not back up to full operational status yet. It has stopped hurting, and is no longer blood shot but I still see "foggy" out of it. I won't bore you with the technical reasons which were explained to me, but will let you know that it will get better, one way or another.
I want to thank all of you who have called or sent your thoughts and prayers. Be assured, your caring means a lot to me and has helped.
Being out of commission in some ways has been a blessing. I have gotten some much needed rest and have given some other injuries some good quality healing time!
It has been truly interesting to me the way I have responded to the issue with the help of my program. In the midst of it all, I have remained accepting of the injury....haven't really beaten myself up much for the the actions which caused it. I won't say I didn't get angry, but the anger was directed mostly at the pain and not at myself or anyone else.
Last weekend I was supposed to go to the annual Hill Country Roundup in Kerrville, Texas. I have made this AA/Al-anon conference every year since I have been in the program. When last Friday rolled around and it was time to decide to go or not....I prayed about it and decided..why not? I can sit at home over the weekend, alone with my hurt eye, and probably spend every waking moment obsessing about it, or I can get my butt where it belongs, with my people.
So I went. And spent the weekend with 600 members of my family. It was a fabulous conference. I heard some truly wonderful, inspirational speakers and attended two great al-anon meetings.
Saturday morning around 3:30 am I awoke to incredible pain in and around the area of my right eye. The only thing I have ever felt that was close to it was when I had an impacted tooth. Sheese!
If you had been sharing the room with me, like two folks from my home group were, you would have heard some interesting sounds. And maybe even learned a few colorful metaphors you haven't heard before. I know I did!!
I don't tell you about this stuff for your sympathy but just so you understand it entered my mind....I should have stayed home. Why? This was my old fear based thinking, home is safe...home is close to people I know who can help me..blah blah blah... guess what? Home is where the accident happened..hehe.....But you know when I thought about it rationally, where better to be. I know if I had asked people would have rallied around me like the calvary if I wanted. I knew there wasnt much too be done but suffer thru it until the medicines I took kicked in, so I spared them and did something I havent ever REALLY done before in a situation like that.
I kneeled down to pray beside my bed. Now, praying is not new when a situation comes up like this, but the way I prayed was. I started by using the serenity prayer to calm myself down and to begin to let go of the pain. I started using some tools I have for meditating...and after some time, the pain began to lessen. Now I don't know if it was the medicine or the prayer, but that doesnt really matter. What does is that the prayer helped me to remain calm and reduced the stress on myself. Stress I learned is not something good to have with the eye condition I have, because pressure is high in my eye, and getting emotionally stressed can increase the pressure, and therefore also increase the pain. Imagine that! lol
Not sure why I am telling you all this, but just wanted to let you know, I am still here and have missed you all and to affirm once again I suppose that practicing the principals of this program in all are affairs....really does work on so many, many levels. I have been taking care of myself, something I am historically not very good at. I have been going to doctor appointments to get things checked out, even more than they recommended, because I am worth it. My vision is important, I never really realized how much until now. So many things I take for granted that the gift of my vision allows me to do. I can assure you, I will never take it for granted again!
I have added, "thank you God, for letting me see the beautiful world around me" to my daily morning prayer/gratitude list.
And one more thing! LOL... even when just using my left eye, which is my weak eye, and even when the world and all you people in it are a bit out of focus and fuzzy....you are still beautiful beyond description. Never forget how precious you all are... I know I won't!
Has anyone told you they love you today????? If not, then let me be the first, because I do!
Hi David! ((((((((((((((((((((((((((David)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I sympathize with you a whole bunch, as I too had a serious eye injury and know exactly how painful it can be. I can truly say it is the most painful thing i have ever gone through, worse than surgery pain, worse than childbirth (and that is saying a LOT, LOL) and worse than anything really (but an ear infection came close). The eye is a VERY sensitive area with a lot of nerve endings.
I too struggled with staying home to let it heal properly, and like you did not, and also like you paid for it in spades with some pretty awful pain.
I have a high pain tolerance and yet I truthfully just cried and cried for days out of pain and sheer misery.
I also prayed, I did not know what else to do, the pain was so severe, and I too experienced some pain relief.
Due to that severe eye injury I am unable to wear contacts my eyes are still so sensitive. Also, when my pupil contracts severely in strong sunlight, it pulls on the scar tissue and I am in gut wrenching stabbing pain for several minutes.
So my friend take care of that eye! Be especially careful in strong sunlight, I would cover my eye with one hand and still feel pain, that is how sensitive an injured eye can be, even years later.
The best my eye felt was in a dark room, laying down, with an "eye pillow' over my eyes. You can get one in a drugstore. Mine is filled with lavendar so is very gentle on my eyes and the scent relieved some pain by helping to relax me.
I don't know what eye injury you have, but I had a scratched cornea. It sounds minor compared to how much pain it generates, LOL. My eye doctor told me about a gel i could buy at the drugstore that you put on that keeps your eye from swelling and relieves a lot of pain. I had pain upon waking up for years and years whenever I did not use that gel. It is expensive, but the pain relief is worth it.
(((((((((((((((((David))))))))))))))))))))))) Please take care of yourself, I hate to think of you in pain!
I'm so sorry to hear that you've been going through all of this with your eye. I can't imagine how difficult that has been. Once I had a paper cut in my eye and it put me down for 4 entire days. Don't ask how I managed to cut my eye with paper... it was a pretty stupid stunt!! Anyway, I haven't been around in a long time, so I've been out of the loop. I'm glad to hear that you're alright!! Please keep us posted! Make sure you follow the doctors advice!!!
I was one of the typical ones that was sooo angry to have to go to al anon on top of everything else I have had to do. hmmmm, but very quickly I feel blessed to have the opportunity to learn a healthier way to live for myself and as an example for my kids. I am already humbled by how these tools can work in so many ways (I have much to learn yet tho) and feel doubly blessed by getting to meet people who use/know these tools too.
Hearing about the conference is a staggering number of family members. Thanks for sharing and hope you continue to feel better.
hugs from ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
In spanish folklore, if I remember right, the right eye of God is the sun, which also represents the male side of creation. The left eye of God is the moon and represents the female side. Most patriarchal countries consider the male side the strong side and the female side the weaker side. However, without both sides to even each other out you have no balance. We need light as much as we need dark. We need balance in our lives. And yeah I know this is fodder for jokes about getting in touch with your feminine side, but I see it as slowing down and finding balance. While the right eye of God forges ahead to blaze the trail, the left eye of God follows to create balance.
Maybe this is God saying, "Davey, it's time to slow down and take care of yourself, dammit!" Only you know the answer. Also remember that you are very much loved by many people, and we care a great deal about you.
(((((Davey))))
SenoraBob :D
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Higher Power doesn't always wrap presents in pretty paper.
You may live in Texas, but you're a peach! You have taught me many things, and I am greatful for your love and friendship. I too, am notoriously bad at taking care of myself. (Is this a cody characteristic?) But sometimes HP sends us a sign that enough is enough, time to take care of me. Keep doing what you're doing. You'll be back in no time. Meanwhile, you're in my thoughts and prayers. Tell "da boys" that they have to step up to the plate and do their fair share. Not sure what that is, but maybe catch more mice!
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
You have taught me many things, and I am greatful for your love and friendship. I too, am notoriously bad at taking care of myself. (Is this a cody characteristic?) But sometimes HP sends us a sign that enough is enough, time to take care of me. Keep doing what you're doing. You'll be back in no time. Meanwhile, you're in my thoughts and prayers. Tell "da boys" that they have to step up to the plate and do their fair share. Not sure what that is, but maybe catch more mice! 