The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My ahsober (7 mos) has been gone for 5 days on an annual fishing trip with his 2 best friends. Something that is a bit scary and unexpected for me is that I have felt peace with him gone. This is in spite of the knowledge that he will surrounded by a very familair situation in which he is used to drinking a lot. His budidies emailed an itinerary of thier weekend to my ah specifically stating all the soda they will be drinking. It was a sincere and sweet communication, however, I know they will be bringing some alcohol for themselves, so we all know how it could go... The wierd thing is that I have been okay, nonetheless.
Last night we went to a friend's house for dinner. Raher than feeling like a 5th wheel, I felt joyous and relaxed. It was nice to know that I would be safely driving us home and to not have to watch how much my h was drinking or be embarrassed that he was dominating conversation with philosophical jargon. I took care of me and the kids and we had a nice time.
So, he comes home tonight. We are separated, but I know he will come here first thing to see the kids. I got invited to work at the races tonight (a fun thing and it benefits the schools) so I will be most likely be gone before he gets here. Yay for me.
This next weekend we are starting our marriage program. I am happy I am not feeling desperate about it. I actually have some apprehension. The whole idea was causing me anxiety because I had been torturing myself about confronting him to make sure his affair is over before we go, afraid he will bring his cell phone, etc. Well, wouldn't you know my HP took it out of my hands. Last week, the registration people called at 9:00 at night, right when my ah walked in the door, to go over the weekend info with us each privately and clearly state all other relationships must be completely over and there must be no active addiction because no marriage can be helped with either of those present. Whew! Granted, I know they didn't tell him anything he didn't already know, and there are no guarantees, but the reinforcement gives me a sense of assurance. Even though I think the affair is over (by actions mostly) I have decided I won't kid myself until I know I have the truth.
So, that's it for me. Yep, my life is still a mess, but I am okay. I think that maybe, just maybe, I may be getting a taste of serenity. We shall see...
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
Sounds to me like the beginning of accepting that you will be just fine alone. You see that you don't need him. Wouldn't you like to be free like that all the time? I have to admit I love love LOVE it! We tried marriage counseling and all the fingers were pointed at him and he hated it and only made us argue. I told my ah to go have an affair.........please find someone who would take you and your nonsense, do me the favor. So he knew right then and there if that's what he wanted to do then so be it. It wouldn't hurt my feelings none. lol I know this is the first step of letting him go because I've been there. I hope you like it girlie. It's nice to count on yourself, you are never disappointed. Lots of love and prayers. ^i^
