Hello everyone,

I am "FREAKED OUT" today!

My parakeet, who is very sick, is seeming to be doing better.  She is eating and drinking and pooping on her own. For a few days, I had to give her water by hand, and she would eat her treats on my little table beside my computer. But she has this giant hernia behind her butt, and I could tell she wasn't pooping--nothing on paper, and some "divine intervention" just told me what to do. Her hernia was very hard and filled with feces and urine, and several times a day, I had to hold her over the and squeeze the hernia---tons would come out. sorry to be so graphic, but this is my journal and I am writing what I am feeling and what is going on..

I have a very nice neighbor girlfriend, who called her vet for advice and found a speciallist in the area who can do the surgery to remove her hernia, but the exam is $50 and the surgery is discounted to $100.00. The doc wants a good part of that money upfront but I have asked my parents and they cannot or will not help me. I have no money, and even with my checks coming tomorrow, I still have my bills to keep my apt going with rent, phone, elec, water, gas, long distance, etc, plus food and stuff.

In the middle of all this, I have been invited by the same girl (neighbor) to be a bridesmaid in her wedding next week. It seems like everything is coming at me at once, yet I feel the peace of God and His angels surrounding me and my little family.

Regarding the surgery for my birdie, I called my ex-fiancee, who is still my friend, and visits me on occasion, usually when not drunk.

But I have an interferance--his girlfriend, who was a total  to me after Charlie said he would do his best to help because he loves the bird. He has seen her hernia and was over a couple of days ago earlier in the week and saw the hernia and said she looks bad. He and I both love Angel--my parakeet, as well as my kitty, Jodie.

His girlfriend called me the other night at midnight, and  me out (when I was on the phone with Charlie earlier that evening, I heard her in the background talking about kicking my ). This woman is very troubled, two-faced and very sad. She said in one breath she wanted to be my friend, but hated the fact that she believes I am going behind her back to Charlie for help. In another breath (big one) she said she would come beat me till I didn't have one hair left on my head! She now says I have to go thru her to get to charlie. I say . My phone was getting ready to die cuz it needed to be recharged, and I told her this, but she continued on about this and that.

Needless to say I got very little sleep that night, despite, when my phone thankfully finally died for the night, and I put it back on the charger, I immediately said a prayer for both of them.

Now I don't even want to call over there. A good friend of mine told me to  her threats. Another friend--same one I am in her wedding suggested that I report it to the . Part of me would love to see her locked up.

There is a part of me that would love the challenge of her showing up and me "defending myself", and calling cops.

I had told this girlfriend of Charlie's that if she came over here she would be in for a "Major surprise".  Left me sooo  confused.

Now, today, I am writing about this because I need to get it out.

By the way, she also mentioned I wouldn't get a dime from Charlie unless I gave her the vets name so she can call and verify. She thinks I am lying, and that I want to use the money for "other purposes"--you all probably know what I mean....

In the background of this conversation I heard Charlie saying get off the phone and stop this . I agreed with him. He did come on the phone and say he wants us to resolve this and act our age. I was acting my age. One thing I did do was stoop a little to much to her level by continuing the conversation, when I should have hung up.

I have heard before that we are better off not "shoulding" on ourselves, lol.

Anyway, today I have swept and mopped the house, got cleaned up, and sitting here with my heating pad on my back.

Have dishes to do.

God I just wish I would find some way for the money to come so my poor Angel can have her surgery. I know she is suffering. I hate this.

I wish I knew someone who could help me.

I prayed to God that if he wills her to have the surgery, then I know the money will come from somewhere, and if he wills her to come to him in heaven, then let it be. I left it at that.

I haven't called Charlie's number since that conversation, so I don't know....

I have to go to the docs office to pick up some samples of Rozeram--sleeping med that my ins. wont pay for. My doc helps me out so much by doing this for me.

Anyway, that is all for now