Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

nmike · nmike

One of my biggest challenges is turning that tape off in my head. My A runs through my head all day long. My readings say that this is the unmanageability mentioned in the 12 steps and obsessing about the A. My realization is that I replay conversations with my A in an attempt to make a better argument this...

HadEnuff · HadEnuff

Thanks to all for the warm welcome I've received here! Just before I found this site, I was in the process of understanding what detachment was and in the process of trying it - to save my own reality - which I've come to see as more necessary than ever before. Thanks to reading the posts here - I un...

sahm3 · sahm3

Hi, I have been reading a few of the posts and replies, I have been though very similar situations. I think I am at my breaking point. We have been married for 6 years this yr. and have been together since High School 1991. I moved up to a state I could care less about because of him. Bu...

QOD · QOD

Have been spending my day reading posts from everyone. I have come across some that shed some light and others that cause me confusion. First some background: My "A" is a coke addict & alcoholic. We've been for 13 years (since I was 18) and we have a 12 year old son & 3 year old daug...

mastiff · mastiff

I agree, jokes dont fix pain and desperation, but then again, no one else in the room is going to fix that for you either. Pain and desperation are an inside job, between you and HP. I remember when i was new to alanon, i had so much pain, so much disappointment, so much hurt and anger and res...

aunitedway · aunitedway

I love the Chat room. It is just that to me. " A Chat Room that discusses Alanon issues." Yes, there is alot of joking around. Yes, there is alot of smileys and laughter. And Yes, I really truly love and respect everyone. I have found many friends and confidences there....

Powerless · Powerless

I thought I was going to have a terrible day, but am feeling pretty great. I had some issues this morning and I would like to thank those in chat who helped me put the focus back on me. I was worried about my husband possibly relapsing and felt that familiar sinking feeling in my stomach.&nbs...

kitty · kitty

Okay, if there were warnings on everything... there literally would be warnings on everything! We would need a license to get pregnant, cross the street, take personal emotional risks. Even going to the grocery store could be potentially dangerous to your health ~ in my state most p...

hudsond · hudsond

Today is Sunday. Like the past several Sundays a said he would show up for church, but then didn't. Wasn't surprised!!! Just see him slipping away more and more everyday and it hurts so bad. When I think that just about 1 yr. ago--April 5th he checked himself into rehab.&nbs...

debilyn · debilyn

My dear alanon friend. Remember in chat when someone who came in who neede alanon wisdom and support, we "all" stopped and focused on alanon???? Have things changed? You made it clear it was our number one service, to always drop the playing when we were needed. Play is VITAL to us, but our main purp...

maresie · maresie

Right now I am up against a lot of stressors. Finding a job has proved difficult. I seem to get the run around on a lot of stuff. I put in a lot of effort to get a long term temp job and it got cancelled out of nowhere. I had really tried to put in effort so I had more than one choice but it didn't turn out that way and...

emma · emma

I'm trying to sort through working on my issues combined with the reality that almost all of us are a work in progress in this world and being true to myself. I've been divorced several years and have sought to try and work through some key issues of mine so that I can learn from history rather than repeat i...

marmare · marmare

It's sad to know how far I have come......and my A still does the same thing over and over and over........BUT I am ever changing, I am in charge of me and my feelings, I will have no regrets, I like myself again........I am thinking positive thoughts. I AM KEEPING MY CHIN UP!!!! Hugs Mary

mastiff · mastiff

hi all, went to my f2f meeting last night, and it was probably the best f2f i have been to in my little town. We read the reading for March 21st out of ODAT and i felt like screamin YES!!!!!! tytytyty!!! In my small home group, we can have a tendancy to stay in the problem rather then the solutio...

d53sjurne · d53sjurne

I had a 1st experience with chat last night on this site. I saw no directions, warnings, or instructions about the chat room b4 I entered. I had no idea what to expect. As a suggestion, maybe there should be some like I've seen on other boards. This may save alot of innocent people their feelings and avoid...

Cilla · Cilla

I was reading through the board today and saw a few messages about how there were a few of our chat room members that felt insulted or ignored in the chat room. Fortunately it wasn’t during a meeting in chat. A lot of the responses I read were wonderful in expressing their perspective of wha...

Andrea12 · Andrea12

I know that we all like to have fun and joke in the room. Tonight I went there because I really and truely needed some support. Everyone was so busy joking around that they did not give a damn. I thought that we were here to help each other. I am more mad and hurt from this than I am about my hub using again....

artygirl · artygirl

Hello This is my first time posting to a message board. I'm just starting this process of being the wife of an addict, or I guess admitting that I'm the wife of an addict. I'm planning on attending my first meeting next week. I'm scared and actually I'm kind of angry that I need to do this. My husband...

cdb · cdb

I see that after 500 posts/replies a person here becomes a guru. I am not sure exactly what a guru is. For me, guru is a strange name in alanon since the program speaks of all of us being equals. We are on our own journeys and we work our program differently. We learn from each other, old and new the same. We ar...

Iko · Iko

Last night I had a talk with A. I told him I had been thinking a lot and since he is continuing to drink, I needed some boundaries. I gave him a few and explained that they are for ME. I was not placing blame, or making him out to be a bad guy, just that I needed them in order for me to function better within the r...

debilyn · debilyn

wear overalls to my sons wedding? And bring Tavish with a nice bow on him? Ok this is raw and gross.the truth I woke up from a night of nightmares. One huge long one. I wrote it in my journal to get it out.It was very bad. I called mac and told him I just cannot do this p...

HadEnuff · HadEnuff

Hi - I'm new here. I've lived with an alcoholic for almost 11 years. I've been emotionally and verbally abused - had all of my boundaries knocked down, and am finally understanding that it isn't about me. I think I always knew it wasn't but I was so caught up in it, that I couldn't think clearly. We are now s...

debilyn · debilyn

I hope of all places I can say this here. It is true everyone here I love in my family is dead or moved far away. mostly they are dead. I hate the disease/A. I hate him so much. I cannot feel love anymore. I cannot feel the way I did when we got married anymore. It is so gone. I always wished it would go away...

Powerless · Powerless

Last night I planned a really romantic evening for my husband to show him I appreciate all of the hard work he has put into getting off of drugs by detoxing at home and working a program. When he got home all of the lights were out and I had candles burning. At one point he turned on a lamp in the b...

CindyR · CindyR

THis is my first time in the chat room. My brother in law is so sick I'm not sure he can survive alcohol detox. He's drinking 24 hours a day. He is 41 and living with his mother who buys the liquor because 'having him at home and cooking for him' (although he's pretty much stopped eating) is her way of helping...

Ria · Ria

Hi everyone

I suffer from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and have done for many years. It follows a pattern of relapse and remittance. I have applied the tools of the program where I can to my illness. I have accepted the impact of profound debilitation seriously reducing the quality of...

paintthinnr · paintthinnr

I haven't posted in awhile, but I have been reading and keeping up with you all. I have kind of crawled in a hole the past couple weeks. Haven't gone to meetings or talked much. I found out last thursday that a man I have known for five years and was once close friends with stole my ident...

flintfeet · flintfeet

my family has always enabled my father by doing everything for him. we would go to the bank, grocery store, pay his bills,...ect. he just pawned everything off on everyone around him. he knew we would never leave him homeless without food. he took advantage of that. he had such bad credit that no one wou...

twinmom2 · twinmom2

In previous posts I have talked about my anger and my worry. Living with an alcoholic or with someone who has mental health and is out of control can be so overwhelming that the other people in the home can't help but hold on tight and bear another blow of bad news. I have lived my life like thi...

debilyn · debilyn

Well as some know I gave the A a chance, allowing him to stay in my rental and cont. with its fixing up. The rental is on the corner of my property. My son had patched every hole in the place and they were ready to texture and paint. A was drunk last night. I said you are already blowing it. Well now this mor...

maresie · maresie

Yesterday the A called me and told me he was in the hospital with a suspected heart attack. Now keep in mind that the A was sick most of last y ear and I footed all the bills for months on end. Subsequently I had to go to the hospital and he did not even return my calls. And keep in mind tha...

rtexas · rtexas

I have been reading alot about this because it is definitely something I use alot, but I don't want it to be counter-productive (or cruel). When my A has an off color comment I try to smile and keep doing what I'm doing, not grunt and stomp off. Sometimes it is not that clear cut. She is very...

kspear · kspear

Hi all. As you know I am new. I've heard a few times now about detaching. Can someone please explain what that is? Thanks so much - Karen

debilyn · debilyn

Oh thank you for all the funny responses. WE all need to giggle ya know? i have always wanted to have an alanon camp out here. I have room for RVs tents whatever. There is a river to play in and a great golf course right down the road. You can golf and have eagles flying over you. so cool. There ar...

sim1kag · sim1kag

I am new to this..... Been divorced for over a year now and my exhusband the "A" is still battling me over every little thing. He was ordered to attend AA for 6months twice a week and both of us to undergo alchohol evaluations. Mine came out that i needed to attend Al-Anon for a minimum of a y...

Jeannie · Jeannie

I taught gymnastics for 25 years. I got my degree in PE and training in order to continue with it. I taught but never took any responsibility in the gym as I had young children (they came to work with me) and my hubsbands drinking, caused some problems, as well as my attitudes about it. I retired from the...

Cilla · Cilla

I just read the statement in a previous post (thanks John), that "hurt people, hurt people". I though how true that is. After being away from my alcoholic for a few years and getting some "quality time" with myself, I had found that when I was feeling fustrated I would automatically think...

Friendofyours · Friendofyours

If I don't get some help I am going to ruin my marriage. After seven years of him drinking and us being seperated for four years he's back and now he's been sober for five months. Now for some reason he's sober and I'm a ragine lunatic. I have this thing in my head that I am going to make him suffer now that he's...

bobump · bobump

Since I've had three members of my family evaluated and treated for them this month, I know anecdotally what they are, but didn't know the real definition. Interesting reading I found included Evaluation and Treatment of Patients with Suicidal Ideation p://www.aafp.org/afp/990315...

pixel04 · pixel04

I've learned a lot in Alanon about enabling. I've been looking at my part in it and what I can do about it. I'm trying to figure out what to do when it's my husband who is enabling, and his choices would affect both of us. My husband's brother recently got divorced. In that process he lost his part in his fa...

Karilynn · Karilynn

((((((((((((((Family)))))))))))), This was the gift of the day from Hazeldon. Love it and had to share it with you. "The natural flight of the human mind are not from pleasure to pleasure, but from hope to hope." - Samuel Johnson - THE POWER OF OPTIMISM A truly powerful force in th...

debilyn · debilyn

I have heard this from others and now I see two more people feeling left out. What I always say is it is ok to ask for what you need. Most all of us here are in chao's or maybe our heads are full of marbles. Raising my hand!!!! (c: Anyway yes being in pain makes us say things in a different way than if w...

rosie light shines · rosie light shines

You are reading from the book Today's Gift </OA_HTML/ibeCCtpItmDspRte.jsp?item=2121>. It feels so good to cry. . . . --Susan Cygnet Some of us were taught that it's bad to express our feelings directly--crying, wailing, jumping up and down for joy--that it's good manners to talk s...

Jennifer · Jennifer

Hello all, I just watched a movie that reminded me of being a kid and the dreams I had, grand dreams, little dreams, pure imagination dreams. Anything from building a wooden box to being a fairy princess, some I followed through on (the wooden box) others did not pan out (fairy princess thing). I'm...

holly123 · holly123

I know I probably have no right to say this but I will, I haven't been here in a long time but I never really felt much support from the members here. It discourages me to post here only to see people read the posts and not reply. I may be feeling this discouragement only because I am having a really h...

Juster · Juster

I am still pretty new here and spend most of my time reading everyone's posts to try to get a feel for what everyone else is going through. The feeling I am getting is that as far as having hope for our A's possible recovery, it is usually a false hope. For us, our future is one of trying to simpl...

rosie light shines · rosie light shines

i got asked the strangest ??? i got asked if i was quoting al-anon lit........well, when i post i use 12 step oriented stuff, like courage to change...hope for today.....aa stuff, lots of stuff but 12 steps for sure OR i just post a vent/ or pain/ or ??? / or esh request / or...

sdisnie · sdisnie

I've been out of internet for a while, but I'm back and happy to be back on this site. For those of you who have followed my story and helped me through those difficult times, Thank you! The times I got on here to post, or listen or read helped me tremendously and I couldn't have made it without...

holly123 · holly123

Hi Everyone, Its been a very long time since I was here and I am hitting my bottom so here I am. For about 2 1/2 months now I have been doing weight watchers and focusing much of my energy on that, I was feeling good and loosing weight but that old anger and resents are still there waiting, e...

QOD · QOD

I am curious about a few things. Maybe some of y'all can help with this puzzle. My husband told me in Nov 05 that he was using coke and had been for close to a year. Imagine my shock? We've been married for 13 years w/2 beautiful children. I have stuck to this marriage through his affairs and partyi...

Rebecca · Rebecca

Hi guys... it feels like i havent been here in years. the past few weeks have been "eventful" to say the least. i was communicating with my "A" as in going to his place to chat, give him words of encouragement etc... even tho he was drinking and taking tabs. i sat back one night when i came home and reali...

d53sjurne · d53sjurne

Taking Care Of Self ?????? Is it taking care of self when you learn how to put all the focus on self ? What is it we are to do to do this? I have wondered about what the limits and boundaries and other things involved in doing this are. Are we supposed to do this to learn something and to be able t...

jrtjosey · jrtjosey

My husband has accepted that we are leaving and we had a civil conversation about who gets what and are using the same attorney. No snags so far. What an awesome program, I could have never done this a year ago. Will sit down next week, about details after State Wrestling and visit...

rosie light shines · rosie light shines

i found this in a 12 steps thing, na, i think.....anyway, it triggered me to share something i had to accept.... God's Gift Our relationship with our Higher Power is a two-way street. In prayer, we speak and God listens. When we meditate, we do our best to listen f...

confused · confused

Looking for ESH. As most of you know, my A husband and I have been separated for a little of 3 months. I have begun to work a strong program, regular meetings, sponsor, small amounts of service work, reading CAL literature, frequent contact with program people etc... I feel much stronger...

marmare · marmare

The Air Force is sending my son home from Iraq for 2 weeks to spend some quality time with my mother...I take this as a blessing. We don't know how fast her cancer will spread or how fast her health will deteriote. My mother in-law fronted me money to get my daughter in-law and the grandkids home f...

Becky1 · Becky1

Am looking for a sponsor. Am fairly new to Alanon, have been addicted to this chatroom and board since end of Dec. 2005, and it has helped me cope. I am wanting today to stay in the marriage with my A. Not sure what direction that is headed, but for today I want to stay. Not too sure about him. I would pref...

Lindy · Lindy

I haven't been on here in a long time. My AH is working again (out of town), but I think it's helping things. He has no time to get drunk during the week, which is kind of funny for me. He is working ten hours a day. I only see him on weekends, where of course he makes up for his not drinking during the week, but it...

Iko · Iko

so few anwers in my head. I feel like the insanity of being married to an A is coming back. I need to ask....what is considered unacceptable behavior? what do you tell the A who exhibits unacceptable behavior? My A keeps making empty promises about EVERYthing, not just his drinking, ie, '...

abbyal · abbyal

When someone asked me that question many yrs ago i thought she was nuts, and said what kind of a question is that of course I am ready . then she said can i ask you some questions ??? I said sure go ahead ( still thinking she was nuts) Do understand the disease of alcoholism / how it work...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	turning off the tape in my head (Preview) One of my biggest challenges is turning that tape off in my head. My A runs through my head all day long. My readings say that this is the unmanageability mentioned in the 12 steps and obsessing about the A. My realization is that I replay conversations with my A in an attempt to make a better argument this...	nmike	8	474	Mar 27, 2006 by emma
	How Would YOU React to This??? (Preview) Thanks to all for the warm welcome I've received here! Just before I found this site, I was in the process of understanding what detachment was and in the process of trying it - to save my own reality - which I've come to see as more necessary than ever before. Thanks to reading the posts here - I un...	HadEnuff	10	549	Mar 27, 2006 by HadEnuff
	When do you know for sure that it's over??? (Preview) Hi, I have been reading a few of the posts and replies, I have been though very similar situations. I think I am at my breaking point. We have been married for 6 years this yr. and have been together since High School 1991. I moved up to a state I could care less about because of him. Bu...	sahm3	13	582	Mar 27, 2006 by sahm3
	Detachment & Anger (Preview) Have been spending my day reading posts from everyone. I have come across some that shed some light and others that cause me confusion. First some background: My "A" is a coke addict & alcoholic. We've been for 13 years (since I was 18) and we have a 12 year old son & 3 year old daug...	QOD	6	621	Mar 27, 2006 by QOD
	jokes in the room-not all bad (Preview) I agree, jokes dont fix pain and desperation, but then again, no one else in the room is going to fix that for you either. Pain and desperation are an inside job, between you and HP. I remember when i was new to alanon, i had so much pain, so much disappointment, so much hurt and anger and res...	mastiff	8	667	Mar 27, 2006 by mastiff
	The Chat Room (Preview) I love the Chat room. It is just that to me. " A Chat Room that discusses Alanon issues." Yes, there is alot of joking around. Yes, there is alot of smileys and laughter. And Yes, I really truly love and respect everyone. I have found many friends and confidences there....	aunitedway	3	474	Mar 27, 2006 by Andrea12
	Feeling the program working (Preview) I thought I was going to have a terrible day, but am feeling pretty great. I had some issues this morning and I would like to thank those in chat who helped me put the focus back on me. I was worried about my husband possibly relapsing and felt that familiar sinking feeling in my stomach.&nbs...	Powerless	6	392	Mar 27, 2006 by Andrea12
	~ Warning ~ Life is a BUMPY ride! (Preview) Okay, if there were warnings on everything... there literally would be warnings on everything! We would need a license to get pregnant, cross the street, take personal emotional risks. Even going to the grocery store could be potentially dangerous to your health ~ in my state most p...	kitty	7	478	Mar 27, 2006 by Andrea12
	Needed to do something different today! (Preview) Today is Sunday. Like the past several Sundays a said he would show up for church, but then didn't. Wasn't surprised!!! Just see him slipping away more and more everyday and it hurts so bad. When I think that just about 1 yr. ago--April 5th he checked himself into rehab.&nbs...	hudsond	7	381	Mar 27, 2006 by hudsond
	DEAREST JOHN (Preview) My dear alanon friend. Remember in chat when someone who came in who neede alanon wisdom and support, we "all" stopped and focused on alanon???? Have things changed? You made it clear it was our number one service, to always drop the playing when we were needed. Play is VITAL to us, but our main purp...	debilyn	1	495	Mar 26, 2006 by John
	stressors (Preview) Right now I am up against a lot of stressors. Finding a job has proved difficult. I seem to get the run around on a lot of stuff. I put in a lot of effort to get a long term temp job and it got cancelled out of nowhere. I had really tried to put in effort so I had more than one choice but it didn't turn out that way and...	maresie	5	440	Mar 26, 2006 by emma
	dating and boundaries (Preview) I'm trying to sort through working on my issues combined with the reality that almost all of us are a work in progress in this world and being true to myself. I've been divorced several years and have sought to try and work through some key issues of mine so that I can learn from history rather than repeat i...	emma	5	401	Mar 26, 2006 by debilyn
	Keeping my chin up! (Preview) It's sad to know how far I have come......and my A still does the same thing over and over and over........BUT I am ever changing, I am in charge of me and my feelings, I will have no regrets, I like myself again........I am thinking positive thoughts. I AM KEEPING MY CHIN UP!!!! Hugs Mary	marmare	4	330	Mar 26, 2006 by debilyn
	note to self - take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth!! (Preview) hi all, went to my f2f meeting last night, and it was probably the best f2f i have been to in my little town. We read the reading for March 21st out of ODAT and i felt like screamin YES!!!!!! tytytyty!!! In my small home group, we can have a tendancy to stay in the problem rather then the solutio...	mastiff	6	1116	Mar 26, 2006 by lisafreddyb
	Like boundaries, No guidelines visible (Preview) I had a 1st experience with chat last night on this site. I saw no directions, warnings, or instructions about the chat room b4 I entered. I had no idea what to expect. As a suggestion, maybe there should be some like I've seen on other boards. This may save alot of innocent people their feelings and avoid...	d53sjurne	8	536	Mar 26, 2006 by lin0606
	Principles Above Personalities (Preview) I was reading through the board today and saw a few messages about how there were a few of our chat room members that felt insulted or ignored in the chat room. Fortunately it wasn’t during a meeting in chat. A lot of the responses I read were wonderful in expressing their perspective of wha...	Cilla	5	467	Mar 26, 2006 by maresie
	When someone is hurting it is not a joke the room should help (Preview) I know that we all like to have fun and joke in the room. Tonight I went there because I really and truely needed some support. Everyone was so busy joking around that they did not give a damn. I thought that we were here to help each other. I am more mad and hurt from this than I am about my hub using again....	Andrea12	23	785	Mar 26, 2006 by gardengal
	newbie (Preview) Hello This is my first time posting to a message board. I'm just starting this process of being the wife of an addict, or I guess admitting that I'm the wife of an addict. I'm planning on attending my first meeting next week. I'm scared and actually I'm kind of angry that I need to do this. My husband...	artygirl	8	625	Mar 26, 2006 by lmt123
	What is a guru? (Preview) I see that after 500 posts/replies a person here becomes a guru. I am not sure exactly what a guru is. For me, guru is a strange name in alanon since the program speaks of all of us being equals. We are on our own journeys and we work our program differently. We learn from each other, old and new the same. We ar...	cdb	20	767	Mar 26, 2006 by lisafreddyb
	Boundaries (Preview) Last night I had a talk with A. I told him I had been thinking a lot and since he is continuing to drink, I needed some boundaries. I gave him a few and explained that they are for ME. I was not placing blame, or making him out to be a bad guy, just that I needed them in order for me to function better within the r...	Iko	5	503	Mar 26, 2006 by mm
	and on and on (c: (Preview) wear overalls to my sons wedding? And bring Tavish with a nice bow on him? Ok this is raw and gross.the truth I woke up from a night of nightmares. One huge long one. I wrote it in my journal to get it out.It was very bad. I called mac and told him I just cannot do this p...	debilyn	9	493	Mar 26, 2006 by whitie
	Does Anyone Else Notice this??? (Preview) Hi - I'm new here. I've lived with an alcoholic for almost 11 years. I've been emotionally and verbally abused - had all of my boundaries knocked down, and am finally understanding that it isn't about me. I think I always knew it wasn't but I was so caught up in it, that I couldn't think clearly. We are now s...	HadEnuff	8	506	Mar 26, 2006 by nmike
	Gotta vent please. (Preview) I hope of all places I can say this here. It is true everyone here I love in my family is dead or moved far away. mostly they are dead. I hate the disease/A. I hate him so much. I cannot feel love anymore. I cannot feel the way I did when we got married anymore. It is so gone. I always wished it would go away...	debilyn	6	509	Mar 26, 2006 by marmare
	Feeling the same old fear (Preview) Last night I planned a really romantic evening for my husband to show him I appreciate all of the hard work he has put into getting off of drugs by detoxing at home and working a program. When he got home all of the lights were out and I had candles burning. At one point he turned on a lamp in the b...	Powerless	2	375	Mar 25, 2006 by jrtjosey
	How dangerous is detox? (Preview) THis is my first time in the chat room. My brother in law is so sick I'm not sure he can survive alcohol detox. He's drinking 24 hours a day. He is 41 and living with his mother who buys the liquor because 'having him at home and cooking for him' (although he's pretty much stopped eating) is her way of helping...	CindyR	8	511	Mar 25, 2006 by maresie
	Heart-felt Thanks and to share a small success (Preview) Hi everyone I suffer from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and have done for many years. It follows a pattern of relapse and remittance. I have applied the tools of the program where I can to my illness. I have accepted the impact of profound debilitation seriously reducing the quality of...	Ria	6	430	Mar 25, 2006 by maresie
	grrrr (Preview) I haven't posted in awhile, but I have been reading and keeping up with you all. I have kind of crawled in a hole the past couple weeks. Haven't gone to meetings or talked much. I found out last thursday that a man I have known for five years and was once close friends with stole my ident...	paintthinnr	7	377	Mar 25, 2006 by maresie
	i knew it would happen (Preview) my family has always enabled my father by doing everything for him. we would go to the bank, grocery store, pay his bills,...ect. he just pawned everything off on everyone around him. he knew we would never leave him homeless without food. he took advantage of that. he had such bad credit that no one wou...	flintfeet	9	429	Mar 25, 2006 by leo
	Do you worry like me? (Preview) In previous posts I have talked about my anger and my worry. Living with an alcoholic or with someone who has mental health and is out of control can be so overwhelming that the other people in the home can't help but hold on tight and bear another blow of bad news. I have lived my life like thi...	twinmom2	3	469	Mar 25, 2006 by leo
	Eden?? update )c: (Preview) Well as some know I gave the A a chance, allowing him to stay in my rental and cont. with its fixing up. The rental is on the corner of my property. My son had patched every hole in the place and they were ready to texture and paint. A was drunk last night. I said you are already blowing it. Well now this mor...	debilyn	5	422	Mar 25, 2006 by leo
	the A's heart attack (Preview) Yesterday the A called me and told me he was in the hospital with a suspected heart attack. Now keep in mind that the A was sick most of last y ear and I footed all the bills for months on end. Subsequently I had to go to the hospital and he did not even return my calls. And keep in mind tha...	maresie	5	400	Mar 25, 2006 by aunitedway
	Silence... (Preview) I have been reading alot about this because it is definitely something I use alot, but I don't want it to be counter-productive (or cruel). When my A has an off color comment I try to smile and keep doing what I'm doing, not grunt and stomp off. Sometimes it is not that clear cut. She is very...	rtexas	6	506	Mar 25, 2006 by abbyal
	What is detaching? (Preview) Hi all. As you know I am new. I've heard a few times now about detaching. Can someone please explain what that is? Thanks so much - Karen	kspear	9	1069	Mar 24, 2006 by lisafreddyb
	u guys crack me up~~~ (Preview) Oh thank you for all the funny responses. WE all need to giggle ya know? i have always wanted to have an alanon camp out here. I have room for RVs tents whatever. There is a river to play in and a great golf course right down the road. You can golf and have eagles flying over you. so cool. There ar...	debilyn	7	532	Mar 24, 2006 by TLC2
	Court Ordered Al-Anon (Preview) I am new to this..... Been divorced for over a year now and my exhusband the "A" is still battling me over every little thing. He was ordered to attend AA for 6months twice a week and both of us to undergo alchohol evaluations. Mine came out that i needed to attend Al-Anon for a minimum of a y...	sim1kag	5	1142	Mar 24, 2006 by marmare
	Is he an excuse not to follow my dreams? (Preview) I taught gymnastics for 25 years. I got my degree in PE and training in order to continue with it. I taught but never took any responsibility in the gym as I had young children (they came to work with me) and my hubsbands drinking, caused some problems, as well as my attitudes about it. I retired from the...	Jeannie	9	497	Mar 24, 2006 by nmike
	Hurt people, hurt people (Preview) I just read the statement in a previous post (thanks John), that "hurt people, hurt people". I though how true that is. After being away from my alcoholic for a few years and getting some "quality time" with myself, I had found that when I was feeling fustrated I would automatically think...	Cilla	5	463	Mar 24, 2006 by Cilla
	I need your help bad. (Preview) If I don't get some help I am going to ruin my marriage. After seven years of him drinking and us being seperated for four years he's back and now he's been sober for five months. Now for some reason he's sober and I'm a ragine lunatic. I have this thing in my head that I am going to make him suffer now that he's...	Friendofyours	16	588	Mar 24, 2006 by Ria
	Ria, you asked about suicidal ideations (Preview) Since I've had three members of my family evaluated and treated for them this month, I know anecdotally what they are, but didn't know the real definition. Interesting reading I found included Evaluation and Treatment of Patients with Suicidal Ideation p://www.aafp.org/afp/990315...	bobump	4	531	Mar 24, 2006 by kitty
	enabling (Preview) I've learned a lot in Alanon about enabling. I've been looking at my part in it and what I can do about it. I'm trying to figure out what to do when it's my husband who is enabling, and his choices would affect both of us. My husband's brother recently got divorced. In that process he lost his part in his fa...	pixel04	4	505	Mar 24, 2006 by tiredtonite
	Optimism (Preview) ((((((((((((((Family)))))))))))), This was the gift of the day from Hazeldon. Love it and had to share it with you. "The natural flight of the human mind are not from pleasure to pleasure, but from hope to hope." - Samuel Johnson - THE POWER OF OPTIMISM A truly powerful force in th...	Karilynn	4	409	Mar 24, 2006 by aunitedway
	If You need a response (Preview) I have heard this from others and now I see two more people feeling left out. What I always say is it is ok to ask for what you need. Most all of us here are in chao's or maybe our heads are full of marbles. Raising my hand!!!! (c: Anyway yes being in pain makes us say things in a different way than if w...	debilyn	8	495	Mar 24, 2006 by QOD
	yes it does feel good to CRY!!! (Preview) You are reading from the book Today's Gift </OA_HTML/ibeCCtpItmDspRte.jsp?item=2121>. *It feels so good to cry. . . . --Susan Cygnet* Some of us were taught that it's bad to express our feelings directly--crying, wailing, jumping up and down for joy--that it's good manners to talk s...	rosie light shines	3	440	Mar 24, 2006 by rosie light shines
	Dreams .... Fantasy (Preview) Hello all, I just watched a movie that reminded me of being a kid and the dreams I had, grand dreams, little dreams, pure imagination dreams. Anything from building a wooden box to being a fairy princess, some I followed through on (the wooden box) others did not pan out (fairy princess thing). I'm...	Jennifer	3	401	Mar 24, 2006 by hudsond
	It is very discouraging!!! (Preview) I know I probably have no right to say this but I will, I haven't been here in a long time but I never really felt much support from the members here. It discourages me to post here only to see people read the posts and not reply. I may be feeling this discouragement only because I am having a really h...	holly123	11	469	Mar 24, 2006 by gardengal
	Doomed to Fail? (Preview) I am still pretty new here and spend most of my time reading everyone's posts to try to get a feel for what everyone else is going through. The feeling I am getting is that as far as having hope for our A's possible recovery, it is usually a false hope. For us, our future is one of trying to simpl...	Juster	10	514	Mar 24, 2006 by Juster
	is al-anon lit the only lit welcome here?? or is any 12 step stuff welcome??? (Preview) i got asked the strangest ??? i got asked if i was quoting al-anon lit........well, when i post i use 12 step oriented stuff, like courage to change...hope for today.....aa stuff, lots of stuff but 12 steps for sure OR i just post a vent/ or pain/ or ??? / or esh request / or...	rosie light shines	7	464	Mar 24, 2006 by gardengal
	Feeling better (Preview) I've been out of internet for a while, but I'm back and happy to be back on this site. For those of you who have followed my story and helped me through those difficult times, Thank you! The times I got on here to post, or listen or read helped me tremendously and I couldn't have made it without...	sdisnie	3	361	Mar 24, 2006 by Jeannie
	In need of support (Preview) Hi Everyone, Its been a very long time since I was here and I am hitting my bottom so here I am. For about 2 1/2 months now I have been doing weight watchers and focusing much of my energy on that, I was feeling good and loosing weight but that old anger and resents are still there waiting, e...	holly123	11	536	Mar 24, 2006 by holly123
	Curious to Know! (Preview) I am curious about a few things. Maybe some of y'all can help with this puzzle. My husband told me in Nov 05 that he was using coke and had been for close to a year. Imagine my shock? We've been married for 13 years w/2 beautiful children. I have stuck to this marriage through his affairs and partyi...	QOD	8	527	Mar 24, 2006 by QOD
	It's me...the STRANGER! (Preview) Hi guys... it feels like i havent been here in years. the past few weeks have been "eventful" to say the least. i was communicating with my "A" as in going to his place to chat, give him words of encouragement etc... even tho he was drinking and taking tabs. i sat back one night when i came home and reali...	Rebecca	5	393	Mar 24, 2006 by confused
	? Taking care of self ? (Preview) Taking Care Of Self ?????? Is it taking care of self when you learn how to put all the focus on self ? What is it we are to do to do this? I have wondered about what the limits and boundaries and other things involved in doing this are. Are we supposed to do this to learn something and to be able t...	d53sjurne	5	531	Mar 24, 2006 by Ria
	hubby has accepted (Preview) My husband has accepted that we are leaving and we had a civil conversation about who gets what and are using the same attorney. No snags so far. What an awesome program, I could have never done this a year ago. Will sit down next week, about details after State Wrestling and visit...	jrtjosey	4	487	Mar 24, 2006 by MFran
	STRONG material---something i had to accept (Preview) i found this in a 12 steps thing, na, i think.....anyway, it triggered me to share something i had to accept.... God's Gift Our relationship with our Higher Power is a two-way street. In prayer, we speak and God listens. When we meditate, we do our best to listen f...	rosie light shines	1	373	Mar 23, 2006 by Jennifer
	is looking for evidence of his program taking his inventoy? (Preview) Looking for ESH. As most of you know, my A husband and I have been separated for a little of 3 months. I have begun to work a strong program, regular meetings, sponsor, small amounts of service work, reading CAL literature, frequent contact with program people etc... I feel much stronger...	confused	6	448	Mar 23, 2006 by Powerless
	The selfishness (Preview) The Air Force is sending my son home from Iraq for 2 weeks to spend some quality time with my mother...I take this as a blessing. We don't know how fast her cancer will spread or how fast her health will deteriote. My mother in-law fronted me money to get my daughter in-law and the grandkids home f...	marmare	7	436	Mar 23, 2006 by Powerless
	Need On Line Sponsor (Preview) Am looking for a sponsor. Am fairly new to Alanon, have been addicted to this chatroom and board since end of Dec. 2005, and it has helped me cope. I am wanting today to stay in the marriage with my A. Not sure what direction that is headed, but for today I want to stay. Not too sure about him. I would pref...	Becky1	4	342	Mar 23, 2006 by Karilynn
	Alcoholic husband working again (Preview) I haven't been on here in a long time. My AH is working again (out of town), but I think it's helping things. He has no time to get drunk during the week, which is kind of funny for me. He is working ten hours a day. I only see him on weekends, where of course he makes up for his not drinking during the week, but it...	Lindy	1	344	Mar 23, 2006 by Jeannie
	so many questions... (Preview) so few anwers in my head. I feel like the insanity of being married to an A is coming back. I need to ask....what is considered unacceptable behavior? what do you tell the A who exhibits unacceptable behavior? My A keeps making empty promises about EVERYthing, not just his drinking, ie, '...	Iko	8	462	Mar 23, 2006 by Juster
	AM I READY FOR SOBRIETY???? (Preview) When someone asked me that question many yrs ago i thought she was nuts, and said what kind of a question is that of course I am ready . then she said can i ask you some questions ??? I said sure go ahead ( still thinking she was nuts) Do understand the disease of alcoholism / how it work...	abbyal	7	601	Mar 23, 2006 by Karilynn
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.