The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Let me start by saying thank you for being here. This looks like it could be such a nice place.
I’ve been married for 24 years, Im a homemaker, but I just quit my job thanks to a spanned ankle. My husband is an alcoholic (his parents are too). We have four adult children and a teen aged child. Plus three grandchildren. There’s ten of us in all.
This is so hard for me to do this, I never talk to any one but my children. 1st, I love my husband.ok ( Lets call him Cory cause that’s what I call the demon my husband becomes when he drinks.)
Heres the short of it.......
We got an equity loan to put badly needed equity back in to the home, Cory quit his job. My mom died, my 19 yr old son-my heart-left for the army, my dad disowned me, all with in three months, Im an only child. Im so alone except for my children. Yup so Cory quit his job, he has a history for this kind of thing. And he drinks beer becomes rude and belligerent. He doesn’t remember a thing the next morning and doesn’t want to talk about it. What do I do? I cant live with him any more and I cant live with out him and Im numb now and I need to do something..... what? Can some one please tell me what to do.
Welcome sweetie! I know right now you are begging for answers. I am not sure that I can offer much. I am relatively new to the program--less than a year myself. I have dealt with my alcoholic/addict for just 4 years.
My words (take them or leave) would be take a deep breath. Keep coming here, keep posting and reading, go to al-anon face to face meetings if/when you can!! Read as much al-anon literature as you can. Have you read the Getting Them Sober books--these are excellent, many people here have read them.
Just know that you are not alone. WE all care for you and are here to support you. Nothing is going to happen overnight. I'm not sure how long you have been working a program, but give it sometime-if you leave or stay with your husband this is a great place to be. They say that once you get into the program you should wait about a year before you make any big decisions. This will help give you time to adjust and maybe clear up/out your head.
I wish you peace for right now and I hope you find what you need from this place. Remember keep coming back, there are some truly wonderful people here!
Welcome! We are glad you are here. I know you desparately want your questions answered right now and are searching for hope. I know that if you keep coming back you will find the answers to your questions and find the comfort you need. You are not alone! We are here for you. Get to a face2face meeting if you can. Theyare invaluable. Read some of the posts that are here and they may start answering you questions. There are daily on line meetings here if you can't get to one. You just took the first step...Way to go!!! Keep coming back!
Welcome to MIP!! You're in a good spot and sounds like you need a ((((BIG HUG)))). Wow, you have a big family that's so awesome. I can relate to all the losses you have in your life right now. I have been living with active alcoholism for 4 years now and its no picnic. My "a's" father is an alcoholic too, I guess a functioning one. His parents have been married for 34 years. All I can say is that my a's mother has put up with a great deal of crap in that 34 years. She manages to work and have friends and a life that is all her own. She has chosen to live with her husbands' drinking, but has done a good job with putting boundaries in place. That is where I am now. Working this program is giving me the tools to help myself and work on changing my self-image, taking care of me finally, and learning to relate to the alcoholic in a brand new way. I am learning skills that I never had before because I lived in an emotionally dysfunctional family. Embrace your losses they will be the driving force to your recovery if you let it.
When I came to Alanon everyone told me to try 6 weeks of meetings and if was not for me I could leave. I worked the program half way for a year, but have since come to see Alanon as my saving grace. The people in the meetings and here have shown me love and respect and have been a grounding force in my life, aside from my HP. I still don't understand everything about why my "a" drinks so much but I have learned that this disease is crippling and it will take something greater than you or me to get them sober. I no longer feel that its my responsibility to make him "see the light" or change him. I can make requests that he not get so drunk around me or not drink and drive or drink around the children, but he doesn't have to do any of it. If he chooses unwise decisions it will be his mess to clean up, I don't have to rescue him from his mistakes any longer. All though he will expect me to because that is what I have always done. Its not easy standing up for myself, but I have seen some good come out of it for me lately and it has made me all the more committed to my recovery. Let it begin with you, take these days one day at a time. You have people here who understand and really do care about you. Take care,
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Good luck to you. I am new here also. Well not really.....I joined a few months back. I have found much needed support here. Hopefully you will too. We are here for you. Sometimes advice is given, sometimes just a well needed and deserved "You are Wonderful". Also, reading others' posts help you to know you are not alone, others are going through similar situations and together we can all survive.
Hello T - the first thing I would do is find an Al-Anon meeting quick , you need support from people who understand how u are feeling , people who can answer a ph one on a bad day and go for coffee occasionally , in our program uwill learn to get your life back on track and begin to understand a little about the disease of alcoholism and how n ot to let it run your life too.
You will learn to detach with love knowing there is nothing u can do about them but alot u can do for yourself. When u live with alcoholism friends become less and less a part of your life until as u said u feel completley alone. There are rooms ful of people who used to feel exactly that way too. I hope u find them soon . You are worth the effort .
this is a disease and has many nasty symptoms all of which affect us if we allow them too. It is possible to get happy right where u are regardless of what they are doing. Here is the toll free number for info on meetings in your area 1-888=4alanon good luck Louise
Hi T47, I would like to say to you that I agree with Abbyal's suggestion. The quickest way to get on the road in the right direction for you would be to get to a real meeting of people right where you are. So I hope you'll make that call and/or look in the phone book under Alcoholics Anonymous to make contact, and also may I suggest coming to our online meeting here in the Miracles In Progress room at 9 p.m. est tonight.
hi, (((T47)) and welcome to Alanon!! I am so glad your here. Thats the first step! Coming to Alanon and asking for help. Alanon will help you learn ...how to use the 12 step program "tools" with your every day. The next step is to get you some literature.You can pick up literature at the local meeting places or visit the bookstores here!
If I can help you to locate meeting places in your area, please click on my nickname and send me a private message (pm.) I will need a city and zip code if you feel comfortable to send them to me with your note. You dont have to worry.... your safe here. I will be happy to help you with that.
There is information at the top of the message board home page about meeting times here (online meetings.) Sit in on a few of those if you can. They can give you a very good idea of of what to expect at the face to face (f2f) meetings.
Slogans are great to start and daily meditations are a very good source to begin with.... you will find them helpful for every day....
One Day at a Time Keep Looking uP! Let Go and Let God
Thank you for being here. You have found Alanon. We do not give advice here, we only share what has worked for us in our lives. And you can thank yourself for taking the first brave step to be here. Your being here helps all of us work our own program. For me, face to face meetings and finding a sponsor - someone who has worked the Steps and attends meetings, too, to help me work the steps has been the heart of the program. Starting to work the steps really gave me a focus besides the alcoholics in my life. I got hope just from doing the work.
And I will say this: the 12 Steps of Alanon are miracles! They truly work.
Blessings to you and thank God - or your higher power, as we say - that you found us!
Welcome and you are so not alone! Alanon is for those who have been effected by alcoholism. There are f2f meetings, books, readings, conferences, and much more. Although my husband is sober he still exhibit many of the traits of alcoholics. He moved out almost a year ago after 31 years of marriage - that has been his pattern - changing geographic locations. I barely get along with my mother. Also, my son is in the Army and is deployed overseas. Prayers for him.
I think that we all go through "I can't live with him, can't live without him". So that is why Alanon tells us to get into recovery to focus on ourselves. Keep coming back; you are worth it.
You sound so afraid and I know you really want someone to give you answers to your questions.
The only one who can answer them is you. But first you need to be able to. Alanon isn't going to magically make all your troubles go away, but it will make you stronger. It will help you understand and be better able to deal with knowing the answers to those questions.
To start with, know you are not alone. We have all felt and often still do feel as you do. Hoepless and confused. But if you start taking care of yourself. Understanding about this horrible disease, and trusting in your HP, you can start to take your life back and sort through things. One day at a time.
We all find this spot and hope to find out what the heck we can do, we have come to the end of our hope of being able to do it alone.
You are doing something, you came here which is courageous, you shared which you told us you only did that with your kids.
What I did T was get books. I love the one,"Getting Them Sober." It was simple to read and it gave me so many ideas and so many different ways to think about things. I believe it helped becuz some things were immediate. I needed help right then.
I came to the chat room a lot. It healed me to be there. We talked alanon, told jokes, got crazy. Then at night we got crazier and sometimes were on all night. It got me thru the toughest part of my life. Kept me alive.
I am sorry to read you have gone thru so much loss so quick. I know how that feels. It tears your guts out I know. For me I have to take tiny steps and do my best to keep busy and take naps and come here.
Every time I am in dire pain, or need to share my crazy life, I know I can share here and someone will respond and make me think, laugh, cry or be amazed. These are the most giving people here. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need as far as support.
Meetings in your area will help you too. There are meetings in the chat room here also. I do want to encourage you to read all the literature you can. There is this great movie too with James Woods I believe about Bill the founder of AA. Isn't that right all?
There is a more recent one too dang, good actors too.
You are not alone at all. I already relate to you big time. If I told you the losses I have gone thru the last six months you would not believe it.
Your son going away is horrible. I could not stay sane thru that one. My adopted sis's son was in Iraq and that was hard enough.
Do things for you. Hope your ankle heals ok.
keep coming back, you won't be sorry. love,debilyn
((BigHug))
(((BIGHUG))) to ya t47!