The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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I feel that part of my recovery is to learn as much as I can about alcoholism. I can be so naive when it comes to typical behavior of an alcoholic. I have only been doing this for four years so I don't have alot of experience under my belt dealing with an alcoholic.
My husband and I have seperated alot in the four years that we have been together. We have seperated at least 8 times with each time being longer. I have currently been seperated for 4 months but was talking to my husband up until about 3 1/2 weeks ago. We had an argument and he will not talk to me. Is this typical behavior of an alcoholic to seperate so many times? What about the silent treatment that he is now giving me? Is this typical? I read post all the time where the alcoholic is trying continuosly to get in touch with the spouse, but I don't have this problem. Any ESH would be appreciated.
I think the hardest thing for me to accept is that I would probably never truly understand what or why an alcoholic is doing certain things. For me to maintain serenity, everytime I spend a majority of my time dwelling on the actions of the alcoholics in my life (some in recovery, some not) I need to realize they have their own way and it is not the same as mine. I have to continually give the situation to my HP and change the focus of my thinking to other things. Such as healthy behavior for me, reading Al-Anon books, talking with another Al-Anon, maybe a nice walk or relaxing bubble bath.
One Day at A Time . . .
Progress not Perfection . .
Rita G
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
My a has not been away for 3 weeks. Last summer he did the ultimate silent treatment for weeks on end and I was totally worn down by it. Now that I am more detached of course I am not sure I would notice (well I am joking there but I am far more detached than I was).
I don't think for me it is anymore about what is identified as typical. For me it is about my life how I handle the issue. What is the issue for you?
I can be there in the should I stay or should I leave issue going over and over it and not taking any action on it. Lately I have been working on having better choices so I am able to take my life seriously. I have also worked overtime to be less involved with the A's life. Ironically enough when the A used to leave me it used to pull me towards being overinvolved with me. I could never just say that I would take the time for me. That changed for me when I came into this room and started turning over the worry and the obsession with what he was going to do next.
I am glad that you are here and look forward to getting to know you.
I am sorry for the trouble you are going through. I have such a hard time when my a tries to put the slient treatment over on me. We have never really seperated though and so I'm not sure I can give you any insight. I do think they "throw their fits"--silent treatments and leaving to try and get to us. To make us change our minds and "go over to their way" of thinking. It's all manipulation.
I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and wish you a good day!
In the 20 years my husband and I have been together, we have seperated many times. It started out as him running home to Mommy whenever he wanted to drink, didn't like how he was being treated or real life and the kids got to be too much for him. Mommy and Daddy had always enabled him to the point of treating him like a child.
As time went on I threw him out when his behavior got too horrible for the kids and I to handle. He has given me the silent treatment, never for very long, he is like an infant, kicking up a fuss every chance he gets. Before his Dad died he would give me the silent treatment for several weeks, sneding his parents over here all the time to torment me.
There is no normal behavior for an A. They will do whatever they can to keep themsleves comfortable and keep teh chaos flowing freely. They will act like a dictator, they will act like a child, they will play the victim they will lead the assault. Don't try and analyze it, you will drive yourself crazy.
Hi Julie- I don't know what is typical either. I know that the "silent treatment" is all about control. My dad used to play this with my mom--drove her crazy! I think it is really immature and annoying. and he isn't an A. go figure. I don't think it matters if there is any typical behavior. I would argue that A's are like snowflakes--no 2 are quite alike. We all get what we get with them--but how do we shovel out of it/learn to drive in it/make snow angels/move to a warmer climate??
take care-- Jeanne
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In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.- Daniel L. Reardon
