The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was reading through the board today and saw a few messages about how there were a few of our chat room members that felt insulted or ignored in the chat room. Fortunately it wasn’t during a meeting in chat. A lot of the responses I read were wonderful in expressing their perspective of what happened and how it can be hard to keep up in chat and other’s who were in the room at the time were able to express their respect for the injured party.
The thought that came to my mind in reflecting the situation was that it helps us to realize how important it is to have a sponsor to go to, especially during the times that we are feeling the most anxiety in our home situation. Also, I think the message board is a wonderful way to receive greater abundance of quality feedback as it helps those who are reading to consider the issue more clearly.
It is also important to realize that tradition one states “our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity.” Perhaps it is always best to be on the alert for the member that needs that extra attention at the moment and direct them to where they can receive the most help at that moment, whether to a room monitor or to a member that is known to be helpful in those types of situations.
I had a situation during my home group meeting last night. We run three back to back meetings. The first a step meeting, the second a beginners meeting, and the third a discussion group meeting. As secretary of our step meeting it was necessary for me to chair that meeting on the fly as the gal who was to chair last night was not in attendance. No problem there… it happens. During the second meeting one of the gals that I sponsor went outside to take a break and as we had no beginners last night I was in conversation with another sponsee. Just a few minutes before the start of the last meeting, which I had signed up to chair, the sponsee outside asked another member if I would come outside. She was having a bad moment and was ready to just pack up for the night and leave, instead I asked her to consider staying for the next meeting and to allow the group to love her by staying and that the best way she could help herself at the moment was to hear the meeting. Plus I knew what the topic was going to be… hehe…. It was “hurt people, hurt people”. During this though, I knew that even though she needed attention at that moment it was important for me to realize that I also had a responsibility to the whole group, again principles above personalities. And I knew that I also needed to allow her the integrity to make the decision to stay or leave for herself, all I could do was to offer her the invitation. She did stay, did participate, and even went out to dinner with a groups of us.
Sorry this is sooooo long, but it is an important issue. A lot of us do need time to enjoy our laughter, especially when we do invest a lot of time in serious issues. That is one of the reasons a group of us do go out together after the meeting to just unwind, especially since it is Friday too!
Thanks for giving me some share time!
“I never said it was easy, I just said it was worth it”
Another aspect of this that I have been thinking of - many of us have trouble with meeting our own needs. If someone else needs us, we just drop our own priorities, and jump in to help the other person. However, this has come to be an unhealthy behaviour for us. We need to learn that it can be right and healthy for us to put our own needs first, and we need to practice this. The chat room is one place to practice, a place to say "It's OK for me to have fun and not worry about others".
I'm happy to see so many people defending their right to enjoy chat - it may not be the response that those whose needs weren't met want, but it is a healthy one nonetheless.
We are all in recovery here - if we were perfect, we wouldn't be here!
I think this issue in the chat room reminds me that I have to have more than one outlet for help. I belong to more than one online group. I continually seek to expand my base of support. I went out and got a sponsor. I continually look for people to be recovery partners with. I think it may take a long long time to create a real base of support. I am really honest with my counsellors that I do not have the kind of support I need at the moment. I am also honest that it takes trial and error to get it.
The holidays are a hard time for me but I did not sign onto this group until they were almost over. I know next year when it comes to Christmas this group will be fantastic for me because I will feel part of the group and be able to really make use of the round the clock meetings.
Sometimes when we are in crisis it is hard to be pulled up that one is so isolated and instead of working on one's needs one just sits in rage. I know I have. I also know that is constant work to create that support system I so badly need in order to move to other levels in my life. It is never ending reaching out, testing and experimenting. I am a long long way from where I was in December yet I still have days when I feel totally overwhelmed and feel like I have no where to go with it. That is even more of a reason to share and get involved.
