The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I agree, jokes dont fix pain and desperation, but then again, no one else in the room is going to fix that for you either. Pain and desperation are an inside job, between you and HP.
I remember when i was new to alanon, i had so much pain, so much disappointment, so much hurt and anger and resentment. I came looking for a fix, looking for someone to make me feel better. What i learned was that alanon was not a miracle pill or a quick fix, and that nobody was going to do for me what i needed to do for myself. I learned that alanon was a program that offered me tools so that if i choose, i could live this program and use it as a process to live life a different, better, healthier way.
I know sometimes things can get a bit silly in the room, this has it's good points and bad points. Bad, of course being that a newcomer might get swept away and not given the notice he/she needs and deserves, as what seems to be a common thread of some recent posts i have read.
In our closing at meetings, it says, "We aren't perfect. The welcome we give you may not show the warmth we have in our hearts for you. After a while, you'll discover that though you may not like all of us, you'll love us in a very special way - the same way we already love you."
We are human, and none of us came to alanon because we were healthy and well. After all, it's not called "Well-Anon" right? Not an excuse for mine or others behavior, just hoping to bring some light to the fact that we are all at different stages of recovery.
The good thing that i see when they do get silly in the room is that for me, when i was new, their laughter offered me a glimmer of hope for joy in my life. The old timers were able to have fun; fun was completly foreign to me. The way they shared and played together, they seemed like a healthy family, something else that was foreign to me. I hadn't laughed in a long, long time, my family of orgin is very unhealthy. Seeing that others had been through what i was currently going through, and laughing and able to have a good time, even seemed happy and loved each other? That was invaluable to me. Knowing that there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
I wanted what they had, and i was willing to go to any extent to get it. If they had no joy, if they had no peace or serenity or laughter when i came to the room, i wouldn't have taken the steps needed to get that for myself. They were an example of what life could be like for me if i did what was suggested. They became my new family, and while i kept coming back and working towards a life of recovery, i learned from others in the room how get and keep sanity, serenity and happyness.
I understand and agree that it can be hard sometimes when you need help or an ear to be heard in the room. May i suggest speaking up, not just once but a few times. Sometimes that is needed in the room because it can move very fast and often times things do get missed. Not just people asking for help, even just normal conversations from one to another can get missed too. Maybe after a meeting, ask someone in particular if you can share with them in pm? Get involved with a f2f group, get a sponsor and keep coming back. You are worth every second of attention that you give to yourself when you do this!!!
I am only responsable for my own actions, and will try very hard to be on the look out for newcomers and be available to them while i'm there, hopefully others will do the same too. If you are new and feeling as though you are not welcome, please keep coming back and try again. It hurts my heart deeply that newcomers are saying they are feeling this way. I hope i can encourage you to try again, reach out to someone who's program you respect for help. I know quite a few member online that love doing 12th step work so please keep coming back and dont give up on the program due to a clash between you and few of it's recovering members.
I am so glad and other feelings you have pointed this out. I find that I should of used the word "support" instead of fix. Thought it would be shorter for the title and not realizing the other meanings that could apply. I felt COLD when you said so bluntly 'no one in the room is going to fix that for me either. Pain and desperation are an inside job between me and HP' What is the program for if that is between me and HP, why are we here ? On this board there are many looking for support, caring, sharing. I have to take it to HP ! You are right. And the heavens will open and he will reach down and take care of me. Is that why you are here ? I dont think everything is a choice of mine. I didnt ask Katrina to wipe out a ton of people and be left with the aftermath of destruction. Are the evacuees supposed to think that it is between them and HP ? Should we have told the helicopters to go away, HP was coming ? I'm sure they felt helped and rightfully so. HP works thru those that choose to share HP with others, do you think ? Should all the people from Katrina not deserve the help of their fellowman/woman ? Where do you draw a line ?
I'm glad you saw something someone else had and wanted in the chat. I'm glad that worked for you. I saw some things I'm not sure I'd ever have . I wouldn't brag about taking over a 100 pills and test HP's hand . I appoligize to that person for using the example, but there is more than laughter to support and recovery. I do think it has a place . I can appreciate some of what you said. Should a newcomer apoligise for not having advance knowledge of FISH NIGHT? I knew nothing of it and have been on this board maybe a month.
Again I'm sorry for the wrong word use , and it definitly brought me some added insight. I am glad you brought that to my immediate attention. Should everyone else only share with HP when they have pain and desperation ? I think some feedback on that would be appreciated.
I dont mean hard feelings to anyone. You made me feel as if I shouldn't share. And I bet I should say that different. I feel as if what I shared is something that I only should tell HP now that I have been told where it needs to be . Maybe he/she will reach down and move this disabled person on a cloud .
Well maybe I'll feel different later. Thanks for you share. Blessings
P.S. I've just read so many that think this was so right on. Maybe there is another message I can't see at the moment. I will re-read it later and again even later to see what I missed. And I do hope that you do the same. I'll take my pain and desperation to HP as I've always done. And I will have to do my part. We aren't all islands and I will never be one. I am limited by my humanness, disability, age, environment, etc. as are so many. HP Please bring wisdom to us all as we try to survive this earthly existance. With A's, tsunamis, earthquakes, hurricanes, etc. Please , we need and ................................Blessings
-- Edited by d53sjurne at 18:45, 2006-03-25
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I tell myself when times are rough, "this to shall pass!!!" Ask HP for guidance, if the door is open, and I know how to look, I will become aware! I also visit http://www.inspiringthots.net/ . Blessings , Your sister in Recovery
Sometimes when we are upset we just see things in a different lite. I am pretty new to alanon and it's teachings. Also my recovery is in its early stages.
I so enjoy the jokes and laughter in this room.
Usually when I am feeling down I can not wait to get in there as I know I will have a smile on my face when I leave.
I found myself relapsing as well as hub. Hopefully I am back on the right track now.
(((((andrea)))))) i truely am sorry you had such a bad day that day. I've spoken with you in the room and think your just a doll! Keep coming back, you doing great and you are soooo worth it!
and ................................Blessings