The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I know that we all like to have fun and joke in the room. Tonight I went there because I really and truely needed some support. Everyone was so busy joking around that they did not give a damn.
I thought that we were here to help each other. I am more mad and hurt from this than I am about my hub using again.
I have always felt that I could come here anytime and get support from everyone here. Man that was not so tonight.
I am so disappointed that this happened and really wondering how many other people this has happened to.
There is a time and a place for everything, and when someone is in need jokes are not necessary like asking someone if they need a tissue.
How rude is that.
Well I will close because I am so damn man I feel like saying alot and screaming.....
So whomever you are thanks so very much for the wonderful help that I so desperately needed.
I am sorry that happened. I can't get into chat from here so I am not sure what all goes on there. I do know that from time to time I tend to throw a little pun in to lighten someone up if I don't think it would be too inappropriate.
I have only been here a short time, but everyone seems to be quite compassionate and direct in responses on the forum.
Maybe everyone was just a little carried away tonight. I am certain they didn't intentionally upset you.
Hang in there, or feel free to PM someone who you may have bonded with and vent, I am sure they would not mind.
Hell, I get yelled at for a living... feel free to lay it on me if you like. I will respond as best I can.
Take care, and again sorry your experience was not helpful.
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I'm sorry you were feeling pain and did not get the compassion you needed. I would like to believe that nobody would intentionally say anything to make you feel bad. It is hard sometimes in a chat situation to always feel how those words are meant. I really hope you are able to find some peace tonight. Please keep coming back.
Andi, I'm sorry you got upset about this. I hope I didn't contribute to the problem you had. I don't think I was on at that time, and usually I try to pick up on those who come in feeling bad and needing to share. I think most of us do that. I have had somewhat the same reaction you had at times, but I know it isn't intentional. Thanks for reminding us to be more sensitive.
Another thing, Andi, is that when I have something urgent to discuss, I try to use a bright color to get their attention.
Also, just waiting and coming back 15 minutes later is helpful.
Andrea, I don't know what happened because I can't get into chat either, but I used to go there. Not to address your specific experience, but when I used to get into chat... sometimes it's good to practice not jumping onto every wounded soul that shows up there. I always felt totally co-dependent trying to help someone whom I had no help to give. That was just my memory when you mentioned your experience. We are all there for different reasons. We are all welcome -- even when we disappoint others' expectations. Take care -- Jill
Do you attend face to face meetings? Do you have a sponsor or friend in the program you can call? If so please do.
When you were in the chatroom did you ask anyone to private message with you because you needed someone to talk to?
Usually even when people are enjoying themselves in there, having some much needed fun, if you ask, someone is usually willing to private message.
Please remember that we all respond in different ways to different situations. And as you said yourself, there is a time and a place for everything.....you may have come in when it was someone else's time and place to have some fun.
The inclusion and consideration of every member's opinion in our fellowship of democracy fosters our unity. Paths to Recovery P 280.
First, I am so sorry for what you are going through (((Andrea))) my prayers and thoughts are with you for strength and patience during this rough spot in the road. Second, I'm very sorry about the chat room upseting you too. Most of all, I hope you were able to get in touch with your sponsor last night.
Keep Looking uP! And...PLEASE keep coming back! I hope to see you in the chatroom. ((BigHug))
I edited this, probably said a bit tooo much last night. I apologize for that too.
Andrea: I am so sorry you did not get the support you needed to when you needed to do it.
I was not in the room at the time. I think it can be difficult sometimes when one is really ripe and overwrought to go to places and not get the help you need. I try to have more than one source of support and understanding. I called a few people yesterday when my boyfriend was at the hospital for a heart attack (he thought he had had one) none of them called back. That left me feeling pretty hollow. I wish I had a better support system. I will have to work on that!
I have always found you incredibly supportive and willing to listen. I am sorry you did not have someone there to listen to you when you needed it.
I am sorry you did not have a positive experience today. I have gone into the chat when everyone happened to be joking around and thought "how is this working the program?" THen I realized that it is working the program. Everyone is coming together for socialization. Our disease causes us to isolate ourselves so the socializing we do is progress. We don't have to be in pain all of the time to work a program.
In my experience I have found that when I go in the room and need to talk, I ask for what I need. I let them know I nned some help with something and they have really helped. In fact, I am heading in there now.
I am usually in need of talking when I go to the chat room. I have had the same experience as you. I don't understand the "trout" thing and sometime find it hard to jump in. I know a lot of people know each other very well and enjoy the "visiting" and joking around. I feel left out and just leave.
I know you are a regular here on the board and in the room. You have provided great wisdom, please don't stop. You have responded to some of my posts, and I really hear what you are saying.
Thank you for your reply. Just to let you know no one else was talking and I did say that hub was using again. And someone said to me would you like a tissue. It was not nice I was hurting enough
I felt horrible when u said, "thanks a lot u guys" & jumped out of chat, I was talking to you but you didn't even notice me chat moves fast & it takes ppl a few seconds to be able to respond appropriately.
And there u were reaching out & didn't even see me reaching back out to you. Sorry you were having a difficult time there u were feeling unnoticed, and you didn't even see me, I know I sure felt just the exact same way!!!
your friend in recovery, -Kitty
p.s. I didn't make the 'tissue' remark, i think i just gave hugs & support, sorry I couldn't have done more... I think I've had an "off" 20 years! Hopefully the next 20 will be brighter for us all. love, -K
-- Edited by kitty at 02:06, 2006-03-25
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I can hear your pain in your post and I'm sorry you didn't get any help today in the chat room. I find it hard to connect with anyone in chat and have had similar situations there. I decided to use just the board or PM to vent.
I don't know what you are going through right now so I feel unequipped to offer any ESH. I hope you'll try again to vent. Please know we care.
I haven't been into chat in a while , myself. From past experience I have been able to find support and comfort in the walls of our chat room, and sometimes the humor may be hard for someone who is hurting to take.
My hub is using to, actually as we speak. And I am so mad and scared and ............... God I hate the disease, I hate what it turns him into, and what I turn into when I am so overwhelmed with the grief of losing my husband again. The active addict is a jerk and I hate living with him, but my husnand is inside there somewhere.
Keep coming back. We all know the pain of loving an addict/ alcoholic.
Much Love,
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
Im so sorry you are hurting right now. I know how it feels to have a loved one relapse again and again. I did respond to you yesterday with a (((((((((((andrea))))))))) hug and was waiting for you to continue. When the room is busy it is hard for me to keep up and I often have to scroll back to see what I missed and that is what I was doing when you left. Please be patient with me. Love ya Beth
Sorry I wasn't in the room at the time. I wish I had been, so that we could have talked. You have always been very loving and supportive of me. I'm sorry you didn't have a positive experience. I hurt for you and your hubby. It is always devasting when they relapse.
((((((((((((Keeping you and your family in my prayers)))))))))))))))))))))).
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Andrea, sorry for your experience! I know you are hurting, and am so sorry you are having to deal with hub using again.
I was not in the room at the time, either. It is sometimes hard to tell what people mean, since it is just written words and we cannot see their faces or hear their voices, so sometimes the meaning gets lost.
I have seen instances, also, where someone who is not in the program finds the site, and makes off color, hurtful remarks. I have learned to just ignore them, I can usually tell if they are even in the program by what they say. They usually do not stay long after we quit responding to them! Or they get booted out.
I hope you will find comfort today, and please come back. You have imparted much comfort and wisdom to me when I needed it. Hope to see you again soon.
I'm another who seldom goes to chat. I find it hard to keep up, get confused -"who's talking now?" - it's like a dance, takes a while to learn the steps. Part of the problem is that many new people only go into chat when they are desperate, and that is not really where chat shines. Desperation is best dealt with in a calmer environment. I agree with the others, saying something like "I'm in trouble, can someone talk to me privately?" will get you some response. Also, give people time there - the exact right person to help you may have turned away from the screen for a minute, to refill her coffee or change the CD, and missed it.
I haven't been in chat for a while so I am sorry I am not familiar with your experience. I find that for me I get the ESH out of the formal meeting and then choose whether to stay on or not depending who is on. I rarely share unless I am in the meeting or have a PM with someone I feel confident enough to trust with my feelings. A lot of the humour I don't understand anyway because I am an Aussie. I hope I get the chance another time to offer you the support you are needing. Hugs from Australia. Luv Leo xx
I hear you Andrea. I am so sorry you are hurting. Friday night fish nights in the chat room are not the right place for someone in pain. Hurt people...hurt people. The tissue remark was uncalled for. I was not in the room but I can understand how that must have made you feel.
I am so sorry this happened to you when you needed us the most.
Andrea, I am so soory to hear about your painful experience in the chat room. It can be very hadr to keep up sometimes. We have talked a little over the last few months. I am always happy to see you there. It's too bad you were hurting & didnt feel loved or supported. I dont think I was there when that happened, at least I dont remember seeing you. But it gets way too busy for my old tired eyes. lol. It's tough to live with an active user/alcoholic. My husband is an active A. He has never been in recovery, so I cant know how it feels when they relapse. He is in denial. In fact I am having a bad nite tonite. It seems like an intrusion when the others are all happy & joking. I can relate to that. I had been doing so good, then bang! The bomb dropped. Maybe you can ask someone you are close to to pm you. I just learned how to do that. I'm a slow learner. I wondered why I saw someones name on the bottom of my screen. At first I just ignored it, not knowing what it meant. Now I know better! I hope you got to call your sponsor or someone close to you to talk last night. Take care. Hugs, Debbie
I am very sorry that you have had this experience. Please be reminded that this is just a stopping off/in between place of Face to Face meetings. This chat and message board does not replace the benefits that one gets from attending Face to face alanon meetings in person. I know exactly how you feel about the joking around as others have also said, however I also see the benefits of a laugh or two in serious chaotic situations that all of us have to endure when being affected by anothers drinking. When you enter the room try saying I need to share I am having a "bad" day or what have you etc. so people will know that you are in need of help at that time. Just remember you are not alone! We are here for you, keep coming back, and if you have not attended face to face yet, please give it a try, it does help tremedously!............................................gardengal
((BigHug)) 
I apologize for that too.
chat moves fast & it takes ppl a few seconds to be able to respond appropriately.
Sorry you were having a difficult time there u were feeling unnoticed, and you didn't even see me, I know I sure felt just the exact same way!!! 