The material presented
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level.
well my a was staying with me for the time being because it was safer here then anywhere else. too many triggers at the other places. he was going to treatment but cant get in until may. so there was quite a wait. so yesterday which was the one week sober mark. while he only made it one week. the problem right now is really not staying away from the booze but the cocaine now. his problem has escalated more then i can imagine in one months time. he was at his moms getting his stuff to bring back home when he was in the spare bedroom where his sister and drug dealer boyfriend used to stay. the boyfriend would prepare the drugs to sell in there. anyways as he was cleaning up, sure enough he found some coke. it really gets me how three hours earlier all he was talking was how excited he was to go to treatment and talking 12 steps and was very proud of himself. it shows me how this addiction is really a disease and just takes over. well, the one little bit of coke he found led him to spend the rest of his money which was at least $500 and have a binge by himself. today he calls saying how scared he is because the drug just totally took over and he couldnt throw it out when he found it. he is completly powerless and sees that. he said he was doing so well while he was with me. i told him i cant be there to hold his hand 24/7. and him staying here brought up those obsessive thoughts and sick feelings again when i got the feeling he was using again. i told him this is not healthy for me. i said i will still talk to him but he is going to have to get sober at someone elses home because i cant live like this. the one thing, i feel like im giving up. how can he get sober at his moms house (which is the only other place he can stay) where she is high all day long, his old friend show up there and wait for him with drugs sitting out everywhere. this is true...they seriously showed up there and was waiting for him to come there with all the drugs there. he ended up staying here that night. anyways, im blabbering. the point is he is safer here until he gets to the treatment center which cant take him in any sooner then may. (waiting list) but i also dont want to get walked all over again, or believe in him anymore because it hurts so much when he fails. i can detach so much better when he is not living here. im sorry this is so long. input would be greatly appreciated. or suggestions on how i can give support without getting sucked in again. thank you everyone. oh one more thing. today my best friend said to me i am the strongest person she knows and i'm handling this entire situation very well. for the first time i said alanon helped me get here. i never thought i could say those words. but its so true. i used to think oldtimers were just faking it, making it look like they were ok, but now i know you can really feel serene in situations like this. there is no faking, this is so real. this program really does work.
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stay in the now...dont look forward, dont look back....your life is what you make of it
You are in a tough spot. Help & lose yourself in the process or let him be to destroy himself. I can't offer any advice. I just wanted to let you know that I know how you are feeling and that you are not alone.
If you look deep within yourself, you are bound to find the answers you need. I honestly think we know the answers to our toughest questions but are to scared to recognize it.
I have read other posts where people have given their A boundries....maybe you could give that a shot. I don't think my A would go for it but it seems to work for others.
Good luck with whatever your decision is & I will say an extra prayer for y'all....maybe he can get in rehab sooner than May.
Good for you, I think you did the best thing you could do for you. I think you already knew that if he found any drugs with in this time frame he would succumb to it. The cravings are strong and sometimes it does overpower a person. I think you made a sound choice for your health by placing those boundaries with him. If you can handle talking to him and be supportive from a distance than I think that's wonderful. Staying detached emotionally takes lots of practice I know I'm still new at it, but you are right working the program will keep you focused on your recovery. Your "a" will find his way, the best thing you can offer now is prayer and loving boundaries to protect yourself. I think your doing great. Keep in touch and keep program on your heart,mind, and lips. Its the best defense in times of stress and crisis.
Hugs to you,
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
You are doing so well. I find that I have a hard time as well when he says he needs me. I remember one time he told me I was his HP. I felt flattered for a quick minute before I felt extremely burdened by that. I know he doesn't want to stay at mom's and is probably scared that he will continue to use. I know that you want to help, but are you willing to help at the cost of your sanity? I have always heard in NA meetings that they should chase their recovery like they chased the dope. THat may be true here as well.
Even in the addiction I can hear some honesty there on his part. All those Alanon slogans come to mind like one day at a time and easy does it. This one I hadn't understood until recently about love and respect the A. Boy that was hard considering how crappy he has treated me but I understand now. You sound tired. Take care of yourself too.
I don't hear panic in your voice I hear calm. You have accepted the powerlessness of the situation and you have been really great with your boundaries for yourself. Huge steps you have taken. (()) Luv Leo xx
