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New here
(Preview)
Well maybe not "new". I've been lurking for about a month and have learned a lot and want to thank you all for helping me to realize that I'm not the only one living with an alcoholic and feeling what I'm feeling. My stories closely match all your stories and the similarity is scary sometime...
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DelilahJones
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6
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415
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Always follow your gut instinct
(Preview)
Low and behold, I was right!! Found out today that my ex broke up with me because he met someone else. I didnt ask many questions, because I was just happy to finally have a reason for him ending our relationship. I wish I had her email address though because she's gonna need the link to this message b...
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HEARTBROKEN IN NJ
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10
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679
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Still not talking
(Preview)
Hello to all. Thanks for everyone's advice this week. My problem is that it has been one week and I have still not talked to my A. I think men can deal with the not taking issue more than women. I have been upset with him over his actions last weekend. I have given it to God and my A friend said I should sta...
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weggie
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7
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561
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Need some opinions
(Preview)
To give you a little background, my husband and I were asked last year to start an Alanon group at our church. At the time I told them that we could not be affiliated with the church, we would have to rent the room etc. Recently an AA meeting was started at the same church, same time as Al-Anon and both non s...
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Mobirdie
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6
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526
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Yikes another Friday
(Preview)
Well its Friday again (I hate Fridays) !!! Low and behold who calls me this morning? My ex A b/f. He blocked his number so I picked up. He was just calling to see how I was. Said he was worried because he hadn't heard from me. I have been avoiding him like the plague for a while, just to try to heal from al...
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HEARTBROKEN IN NJ
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7
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540
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Doing much better today, Thank you MIP
(Preview)
(((Friends))) Thank you so much for your posts yesterday it truly helped me to get through yesterday and some of you really made me laugh. Sometimes I get so angry and I just have to let it out before I explode. No explosions yesterday. I was pretty cold and distant to my AH on the phone, but in the eveni...
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twinmom2
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8
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544
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not sure
(Preview)
I keep going back and forth with this, but I don't think I want to be married to my AH anymore. I don't even think I love him. And I don't think that it all has to do with his drinking. I feel so pathetic. I was almost relieved that he finally admitted he was an A, and admitted other things that happened bec...
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minnie
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10
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518
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Legal issues . . . where to start?
(Preview)
I hope this is OK, it's not a legal forum. I'm having trouble with finding out where to start. I will seek out a lawyer BUT want to be educated first. My A and I are not legally married. We've been together cohabitating since 6/00. We did not get married then b/c he was (is) still married to his first wif...
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Kim65
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8
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667
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Babystep Boundaries
(Preview)
Dear ((((Roomies)))), The simplest way I have thought to discover and enforce my boundaries is from a desire to care and nurture myself. I have started to notice things like: what interrupts my sleep, what conversation topics leave me feeling depleted, when do I stop eating food that is good for me, w...
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BlueCloud
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3
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626
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My worst day yet. When is this gonna get better
(Preview)
Do you ever get into a mood where you just dont want to be around anyone and all you're up to is spending the entire day in bed? Sulking and feeling sorry for yourself? That was my day today. I cant understand why I have such ups and downs. Why cant their be a balance? Why cant I detach from him? Why is th...
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HEARTBROKEN IN NJ
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8
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1446
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Miracles can take many forms...
(Preview)
Hi all.... In a bit of a reflective mood today, and once again reminded that life doesn't always go according to MY plan, but that there are miracles still happening around us, even if they are not how we envisioned them. Last night, I dropped my kids off at their Mom's 5-year cake celebration, which is...
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canadianguy
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5
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601
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knowing the cycle
(Preview)
right now the A is in his get back into gear mode. That is usually the time he is nice to me. Of course starved as I am I usually jump at it. Everything in his life is a huge secret, a huge intrigue. This time I am not intriuged. He pulls me in so many different ways. I am intrigued by his crisis, secrecy and dram...
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maresie2
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7
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440
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Can;t get myself back on track
(Preview)
Hello to all and here is my delima. I have posted that my A messed up again and I can't seem to pull myself up. Last week he was cited for drunk and disorderly in a public place. His friend was brought into the situation and my A was embarrased. Anyway,,I know I have to forgive and I have because he has a di...
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weggie
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3
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638
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A walk thru anger
(Preview)
((((Everyone)))) I am a very grateful member of al-anon. Over the last few months anger has consumed my life, a rage within me that even I couldnt seem to control. This just isn't me...I can get angry, but this was so different. It was all consuming. When I look back I see that it started when my father...
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Lunamoth
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5
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525
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Bubbles will be in calif
(Preview)
Hi ((((((((everyone)))))) My hubby and I will be in Cailf in May and I was wondering if anyone would like to meet us hafe way at a resturant or something.. I am going to be visiting Trina in in Yosemity..... Anyways please PM if you are interested!!!! Bubbles123
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bubbles1990
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3
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468
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Do I mean what I say? Or am I just trying to control my situation?
(Preview)
So many times I've made decisions regarding my A or any other situation in my life that in hind's sight, the outcome was not my intention. For instance, for years I lived with my A and put up with his active disease until I couldn't take it anymore and then I would explode, throw him out...wait a few weeks,...
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newday
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3
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418
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denial in the air
(Preview)
I work in an adult college. Last week a student (in her 50's who I've smelled alcohol from on occasion) came a bit late to class. Class begins at 9.30am. She again smelled of alcohol, but had been trying to disguise it. the tutor found her very negative and dragged the class down. She had no concentration...
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annmarie
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2
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485
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What's best for someone else.
(Preview)
First, I'd like to say thanks to everyone who has been so supportive. You're right, thinking of myself as the base that everyone else can lean on is bound to fail - I'll collapse, and no one will be well off. It's not accurate anyway - already there are indications that MY ideas of what everybody needs,...
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lin0606
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6
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376
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Today
(Preview)
I went to my first meeting last night. I was scared - terrified in fact. My A knew I was going - she was so proud of me. Everyone at the meeting was so warm and wonderful, I sat like a rabbit caught in the headlights. But, at the end of the meeting, a lovely lady (M) handed me her phone number and told me to call he...
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englishrose
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4
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454
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So you want to save your child?
(Preview)
Hi .. I'd like to share a story about my neighbor. Her daughter (30 yrs old) is a heroin addict, an addict is an addict be it alcohol or drugs. It's all the same. She blames her mother for her addiction. The Mother has never sought any help for herself. Mom accepts the blame the daughter dishes out b...
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Christy
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7
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764
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And then I found Alanon..
(Preview)
I wrote this poem quite a while before I got sick enough to seek help. I look back and see just how far down the black hole I had fallen. Thank Heaven I went to Alanon. THE BOOK The story never changes and the chapters never end. I want to close this book, so my heart can mend. The pages turn and years go...
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Christy
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8
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663
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Had a visit with AH last night
(Preview)
(((Friends))) Thank you all for the comforting words the other night. I was in a pretty low spot and just needed to get it out. Yesterday was a much better day. My son is feeling better too and finally got to enjoy his TMNT cake after dinner. We went to the detox center yesterday evening to see AH. The...
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twinmom2
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6
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593
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hotline
(Preview)
Does anyone know of a website that lists hotlines? I needed one yesterday and floundered around way too long for my own sanity trying to find one. I didn't need it for myself but for someone who had called me seeking help. I did finally find what I wanted but it would have been very nice to have it at hand w...
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Mobirdie
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4
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362
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Father's Eyes
(Preview)
Ok...so it's been a while since I've been on. I'm usually on here talking about my A who is my b/f. He's been living in an Oxford house now for 2 months and has been sober for 3 1/2! I am very happy but also taking things one day at a time. So we'll see....I'm actually writing about another A. My father. ...
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daisygrl4
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7
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552
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More about talking to kids...and update
(Preview)
Last Wed. I got an email from my mother in law that my AH was in a terrible car accident and has a punctured lung, and back and leg injuries. He refused to tell her where he is and asked her not to tell me about the accident. She hasn't heard from him in almost a week. I called a few local hospitals but didn't...
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carolinagirl
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2
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480
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GO ALLY WOO WOO WOO
(Preview)
((((((((((((YO))))))))))))))) You will never believe what I done...... I am scared of heights right.....AND... I went up in a cable car, It took 6 mins and It went way way up on top of the mountains......OMG it was awesome..lol I came back down and I said to all my party....can I do that again ....hahah...
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ally
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5
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527
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About addicted children - God love them.
(Preview)
I have an ongoing problem with "suggestions" given to parents of addicted children. They are, without exception, told that they are enablers, and they must say "No" now. They must do nothing for the child. Don't help them in any way. Don't get them out of jail, don't feed th...
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Diva
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20
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737
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New to this, thanks, and a bit about where I'm at - if that's okay?
(Preview)
I found this site a few days ago - I was in a really tough place and desperately needed someone to talk to. Yesterday I went into the chat room - I was tearful and over-emotional after a very rough night. Thank you to everyone that was around and just listened to me. I know I left abruptly - I'm so sorry about t...
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englishrose
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5
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604
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living in limbo
(Preview)
I have been in this place before, and am sure I will be in it again. I do not know why I have such a difficult time with not knowing. Currently my AH is "clean and sober" but I have serious doubts. I know he is not attending meetings or working a program. History tells me that the emotional/m...
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confused
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6
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735
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Having a sad moment
(Preview)
(((MIP Friends))) We had a great birthday party for the boys today. One of my son's started feeling ill almost as soon as we arrived at the park. He started feeling sick to his stomach and running fever and chills. Poor little guy. He did his best to enjoy it. All my family and AH's family was there, I...
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twinmom2
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10
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699
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Saw my AHsober today....
(Preview)
Hi Alanoners, At least now I know that I always have a place to go when I don't know what to do or say. Go directly to Alanon. I saw my AHsober today. I hadn't seen him in almost 2 months although we have talked on the phone about once a week. He said now we really need to talk about finances because we had to pa...
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nmike
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3
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565
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Cutting the rope, the saga continues!
(Preview)
Hey ((((Family)))) Did you ever have one of those times when something really cool happens to you, and you are looking around for someone you know to tell, and no one is there!? Well dat just happened to me, and I'm like .... looking around....who can I call...mmmmm.. I know I'll share with my family of c...
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david62
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15
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799
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need ideas for helping adult alcoholic child
(Preview)
I have been reading this message board for a few months now - off and on - looking for comments from parents and haven't seen any so far. Following advice from counselors, we have stopped loaning/giving money, refused return to our home until successful completion of rehab, and tried not to take the t...
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atalossmom
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8
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2132
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Talking to children of addicts about addiction???
(Preview)
Last night I had this great conversation with my 12 yo daughter about her dad. She has to write a short essay on obstacles she has overcome and chose to talk about her stepfather's alcoholism. It's amazing how much you really don't know that went on when you were gone, out of town, out of the room, etc. ...
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carolinagirl
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10
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1501
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FROM Sunny2007 -- the latest (as of Saturday)
(Preview)
Hi Everyone, I made it to do the preparation for my 2 neurological tests Thursday, which included being awake for 24 hours before the first test. Won't know results till sometime next week, but dr. was doing these "just to be sure" and she doesn't expect to find anything wrong. Slept most o...
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Sunny2007
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5
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573
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Gratitude List
(Preview)
Today, I am feeling like I could easily "go there" so, I am posting my gratitude list. Today I am grateful that I live in a beautiful small town. I am grateful that spring is here and the trees are starting to leaf out I am grateful that I have my health I am grateful that I have found this board an...
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TLM
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5
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480
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It's a Girl!!!
(Preview)
Had a doctor's appointment yesterday. Baby and I are in great health and the baby is growing wonderfully. I am almost back up to my pre-pregnancy weight after losing nearly 15 pounds in the first trimester. Biggest news.....Doctor is almost positive that I am having a girl! That will make it 3 g...
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melamom815
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9
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550
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Strength and Courage
(Preview)
Found out a few days ago that my husband has pancreatic cancer. I am trying to stay optimistic until we have seen the oncologist (next week) and started some treatment, but the chances are pretty good that he is dying. This is a famously bad cancer, and it has already spread. I'm finding that there are...
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lin0606
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6
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401
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How much of it is me?
(Preview)
So, my ex ah is seeing someone new. A new woman to enable him. The last convo I had with him which was Wednesday I lost it. I was sucked into the insanity. I had asked him if he signed the divorce papers and he said yes. Well, I call my lawyer daily and he never returns my calls. This has been going on for a year wi...
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serendipity
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2
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528
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God Can
(Preview)
Last night in a meeting someone was talking about a God Box, which reminded me... I used to use what I referred to as a God Can (I can't, but God CAN). I figured I still had it kicking around somewhere, and sure enough, on a shelf in my closet was my God Can. So I opened it up and looked inside... I was amazed a...
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TLM
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9
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583
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Moving Forward
(Preview)
This has been the first week of the rest of my life. I have set clear boundaries with my A ex b/f. He is keeping to most of them. I have been working through the chaos he has tried to lay at my feet. Mainly by stepping over it and moving on (of course, that is after I have a freak out in my head and with my poor...
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Leetle
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4
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445
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so painful
(Preview)
hi my AH is 30 days sober tomorrow. He went 68 days sober out of rehab before relapsing so this is not a HUGE milestone except he is going to AA and working the steps this time. My issue....When he is drunk he is affectionate, remorseful, tells me he loves me, misses me (we have been seperated since August)...
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Angel1
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5
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539
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Update
(Preview)
In his usual dramatic fashion the A claims to be leaving today. He wanted me to pack for him last night. I did not as I have to work today. He has now switched his answering machine off so I don't know whether he has left or not. He's left no forwarding address and I don't know when he starts work or anythin...
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maresie2
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5
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477
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Anger
(Preview)
How do you let go of the anger? I attended a family counseling group last night at my husband's out-patient rehab. At first I told them that things between us has been about 75% better. The groups topic last night was communication. As the session went on, I realized that I kept my anger about th...
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sash
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4
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658
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BONJOUR LOL
(Preview)
(((((((((((ROOMIES)))))))))))))))) Yo, Having a wonderful time.....Went on the plane...was awesome.....Sunshine most days..Had a thunderstorm one night...OMG it was horrendous.. Went out for a walk on my own, got lost..lol I have been getting so much from here.. Watching all the sick in Lour...
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ally
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9
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520
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An amazing post from AA board...
(Preview)
I found this on the AA board and it has made my day and possibly life brighter. Thanks Phil... Kicky Come Here---Go Away.. As long as we have not healed our childhood wounds then there are a lot more than two people involved in our relationships. There may only be two people in the room - but the room is al...
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newday
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3
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616
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Can't think of a snarky line here...but it won't let me post with out some cute line...so here is one
(Preview)
Words to Consider The decisive question for man is: Is he related to something infinite or not? That is the telling question of life. --Carl Jung Let the Power Work through You The times that life works best are when we get out of the way and let the power work through us. The writer says of an inspired shor...
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Tiger2006
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6
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499
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Thank your lucky stars....
(Preview)
(((Hi Everyone)))) Haven't been here in a while, my life has been busy busy... but just wanted to let you all know that this board is a lifesaver. This time last year, I was a scared, horrified, panic-stricken person who wanted nothing but to dwell on my horrible life and the possibility that I would hav...
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hersh
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6
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403
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Confusion
(Preview)
Hey guys. I'm new around here and I'm so glad you are all here. I went to my first al-anon meeting last night, but I've been to CODA in the past so I'm not a stranger to the steps or the healing. I was raised by an A father and later had a very intense 3 year relationship with A who I loved dearly but who finally...
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simplyme
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4
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503
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Absolutely FUMING
(Preview)
A fiance sends me a text message saying: "FYI - I MIGHT have 2 go 2 work tomorrow morn - will let u know. But afterwards @ 4pm, Q is pickin me up 2 go and get sum shoes and do sum other stuff. Jus fyi. Tryin 2 communicate" That selfish BASTARD! He has not picked our son up ONCE this week from the si...
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boricuaGA
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6
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705
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Mixture of Feelings & Confusion
(Preview)
Hi everybody, Well, today I think I have been more 'confused' and had the most mixture of feelings than I have since I started Al-anon. I'm assuming this is normal. Last night A fiance got home. He looked like crap. I just look into his eyes and see despair, sadness, hurt, pain. I had a talk with him an...
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boricuaGA
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3
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1164
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Update
(Preview)
Just wanted to post an update on my situation. My husband admitted himself into rehab on Friday night. He is there and seems to be doing well. His counselor and RN said that he is motivated and has a positive attitude. They keep him very busy with meetings, lectures, group and individual therapy. ...
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cac
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3
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557
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Two Steps Forward, One Step Back...
(Preview)
I lost it! Two nights ago it was my mothers birthday, and my AH decided to drink some shots of whisky before going out to dinner with the family. Did I detach with love or even with a hatchet? Not even close. I went off. I started slamming doors and yelling at him about how sick I am of him letting me down...
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TLM
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2
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506
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So...Now we aren't talking????
(Preview)
Sat. and Sun. were pretty good days for my AH and I. Went to dinner Sat. nite at a non-alcohol restaurant, went out to a fast food breakfast Sun. and to look at new Plasma TV's ( I get a discount where I work, plus $$$ to spend towards it!) Got home, went over to friend's house with him to watch race, took munc...
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Becky1
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6
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677
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A humbling insight (sigh)
(Preview)
I have been STRUGGLING daily with a depressed feeling for a couple of weeks, low energy, obsessing in the same old way about the A, feeling like I'm in a stuffy cotton bag. Not long ago I made a breakthrough in terms of detatchment and felt some blessed peace . . . but since I threw a mega temper tantrum at t...
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Kim65
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5
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690
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I feel like a horrible person
(Preview)
This is my first time on this website. I hope that it helps, i feel like I'm all alone in this and it's hard to talk about. I have never fully told this story to anyone and I hope that I'm not really the only one in the world that feels like this. So here is my story: My husband realized that he was an alcoholi...
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everydayjane
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10
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771
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A poem that helped me, and may help you
(Preview)
Last night I read the first chapter in Melody Beattie's Codependents' Guide To The Twelve Steps. I read Psalm 21 and the Lord put this poem in my heart. Lift me up Lord and clear my heavy mind Release me from this bondage and take away my cries my heart is full of anger consumed with resentment and hate and...
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boricuaGA
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2
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380
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things got ugly around here last night
(Preview)
I once again told my daughter that there's no drinking, drugs, boy friends spending the night, or foul mouth garbage, etc. I said I will call the police if needed. The breaker was that her boy friend is not welcomed here, especially spending the night. She said we were f.... ing pissing her off and sh...
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gimmpy
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6
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651
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recovering
(Preview)
Hi everyone, I was just thinking.....when I was with myA I used to post my crisis situations on this board and got great help from you all. This helped me through so much. We sperated four months ago. He's still drinking himself to death, not doing very well. He says he knows the disease will take him. Sad...
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annmarie
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2
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357
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just a wonder where Lilms is post is all
(Preview)
ver are yee my dahling??? love,debilyn
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debilyn
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4
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357
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