The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Anger is a tough one. A couple of weeks ago I got into a fight with my Mom and I was so angry for a whole week that I couldn't get any work done. I just couldn't get rid of the feelings. The only thing that really resolved the situation was forgiving her. We didn't go into any detail about the incident. We just told each other we were sorry and agreed to move on. Almost instantaneously the feelings were water under the bridge. That doesn't mean I didn't learn from the experience by figuring out ways to protect myself from her venom, but I was able to let it go through forgiveness. I know...easier said than done, but in this instance it was the only option. Good luck!
I was recently put into a situation that caused me to feel anger and resentment. I prayed to my HP for release from these feelings. Then I asked my HP to forgive them for what they were putting me through. I asked my HP to forgive them until I actually meant it. At the point I came to mean it, the anger and resentment was taken from me. It was and awesome experience. Something I had never experienced before. You might try it.
Can't seem to get angry enough on your own any more? LOL
Some times.... anger is the right emotion for the situation. I guess the trick is to determine for yourself what about "X" is making you angry. When I look at this in my situations, more often than not, my anger has to do with how "I" handled "X", not what it really was.
For me anger is a way for me to pinpoint something that needs attention. Maybe someone or something that I need to avoid or handle differently in the future.
I had a real problem with anger when I was young. I didn't know where it came from at the time, but I could really loose it.
The best thing I ever did was not beat myself up for getting angry more than I wanted. It means something... figuring out what, is the trick. So my wish for you is that you don't compound your anger by being mad at yourself for being angry. LOL It's just an emotion and you can use it to learn if you want to bad enough.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I found Alanon's 4th step worksheets and workbooks completely useless. I used the format in the AA Big Book, listing each person I was angry at with a detailed description of why I was angry and how the behavior I was angry at had affected me, and what my role in the situation was. It really helped me to gain a different perspective and release a lot of that pent up anger. Recognizing my part also helped me to become more forgiving.
Anger is a natural emotion, what we do with it and how we process it is key. For me, more times that not I will allow myself to feel the anger then start processing it in my mind. Did I have a part in it it? Could I have prevented it?
More times then not I come to see that I'm allowing a person to have control over me by being angry. They are stealing my power and I soon realize I'm not willing to give it to them. If I hang on to it, who does it hurt? Moi. I can't control what others think, say or do. I can only control my reaction to it.
Peace, love and all that stuff :) Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Just a suggestion, but this has helped me in the past. I need to do it more, but meditation is a great way to help feel, then release the emotion. I actually went to a Buddhist temple and got a free instruction on how to do it. It is actually unbelievable, if you make it a practice. I was doing it in the morning - for 20 minutes at a time, and it improved my whole day, I was calm, and relaxed.
Also, someone told me at an Alanon meeting when I was just outraged and did not know how to deal with it, to exercise. It is good for you, and you can get all that frustration out with a good workout.
Believe me, I have to work on both of these, they are good habits, but I know that both definitely worked for me in dealing with anger. It is now remembering to use these tools when the anger crops up that is important. Also, praying for the person you are angry at. Pray for them to find their path, pray for their goodwill, even if you don't want it necessarily. It helps, too.
I have so much pent up anger and resentment. I have not felt these feelings or dealt with them in anyway in a long time and now I really need to and I am scared to death. I am going on a hunt this weekend for some good books on anger and forgiveness. Wish me luck!!!!
I facilitate an anger management class weekly. One recurring theme I seem to see is that people often show up because they want to learn how not to get angry. From what I have seen that is an elusive goal.
Anger in and of itself is not a bad thing. It has, in fact changed the world. Every rights movement (womyn's rights, children's rights, civil rights, gay and lesbain rights etc,) on the face of this earth has started with a group of angry people. Angry about the way they were being treated. What seems to be different for these people is that they took their anger and chanelled it into positive venues. And the world was changed.
Anger becomes a problem when it is out of proportion for the situation at hand, when it pervades all we do, when it is acted on in a destructive manner, ie: out of control screaming, yelling, addiction, hitting, road rage, self harm, etc.
Often, if I am angry always (or so it seems) I need to look at what is going on around me and assess the situation. Sometimes my anger is justified and then I need to deal with the situation by either addressing it if possible or getting out of it. Sometimes my expectations of people are more than they should be. And sometimes anger is a mask for other feelings. It seems to be more socially acceptable to be angry than it is to be sad, hurt, afraid. Living with addiction is a very angry making situation. Often things happen which directly affect us yet are totally out of our control. I have to learn and relearn every day that the only person on this earth that I can control is me.
Thank goodness for this forum. I can come here and vent to my hearts content.
As always, Take what you like and leave the rest lilms
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Two things: 1. Recovery is a process, not an event.....and.... 2. You only get to go around once. Leave em laughing and make it worth your while
I also have trouble with anger. I seem to be so full of it lately! I run my mouth and say mean things and act out my feelings of rage. I thought I had this under control but I don't. I agree with rtexas that there are things I need to look at or I would not be so angry. Being "stuck" in a situation that is not to my liking does not help. Somehow I still do not see the giving up of my power because I am angry. I think at times my anger forces change in my life and my circumstances.
It reassuring too to know I'm not alone with this. I thought I was going a bit crazy....well more crazy than usual!...recently.
I know I have deep rooted anger from childhood and perhaps that is demanding more attention as I progress through recovery. I was I suppose trying in some way to reject, not allow the anger to surface because I only really knew of the destruction of anger, rather than constructive channelling.
I love the idea of meditation, and have tried it a bit, but never really got the hang of it. I admire your daily 20 mins Heidi. I am going to try again.
I used to walk a lot but thats stopped lately too. I know it s important to take one day at a time on this programme. But it's also important not to let good habits slip either. They can so easily in this busy world, then so easily so many things change too.
Welcome Trina. I look forward to hearing all about you in the coming weeks.
