Only 2 weeks in rehab? - Al-Anon Family Group

cac · Veteran Member

Only 2 weeks in rehab?

lin0606 · ~*Service Worker*~

I know this may sound like craziness to you, at this point, but - it's OK, calm down. Whether or not he sobers up is not the most important thing in your life. The most important thing in your life is how YOU deal with your feelings.

He's doing what he needs to be doing, from here on it is up to him. If he really wants to recover, he can - he knows where to go to get the help he needs. If he doesn't, then it doesn't matter what you do or say - it won't happen. Your job right now is to get out of the way of his recovery, and the best way to do that is to work on your own. You probably have all kinds of conflicting feelings - happiness he is getting better, resentment that, once again, it's all about HIM, fear of the future - all this is natural, and alanon can help you.

Get to a f2f meeting if you possibly can - make it a priority. Read our literature, come here and read old posts. Not everything you read here will mean something to you, but some things will, I promise. Welcome, you are in the right place.

Friendofyours · ~*Service Worker*~

It's up to them, I just up and quit drinking. My dh(sober) stayed sober seven months after just deciding I am going to quit and then he relapsed and has been sober almost four months so it can happen.. There is no sense in you asking questions to him because an alcoholic will tell you what you want to hear anyway right? This is why al anon would be good for you, so you can learn how to deal with the sober alcoholic. They have to relearn a sober behavior and we have to learn to be around a new person who is dealing with a new behavior. We all have to learn and it takes two. Good luck hun.

eveolution · Newbie

Two weeks is not a very long time. I can tell you I am seperated from my AH and he has been in and out of rehab several times. Actually, in my experience beginning sobriety is alsmost worse than the drinking. AH doesn't know what to do with his feelings and is irritable from the alcohol withdrawal. There is nothing you can do either way as everyone has said. If he is serious about his sobriety he will go to lots of AA meetings. Don't expect too much from him at this point. It is hard for the A's but don't feel sorry for him either. I have studied up on the disease of alcholism and it takes a long time for them to truly dry out and get all the alcohol out of there system. I wouldn't cater to him or keep asking him questions over and over again. You do have the right to ask a question but remember to ask or say the same thing over and over again is controlling and that is where we al-anons get sick. Also that makes him think he is all so important if his sobriety means so much to you and you know how arrogant they can be. Plus, trust your instincts. Watch the actions not the words. He has his HP and put him in HPs hands.

serendipity · ~*Service Worker*~

(((cac)))

I remember when my ex ah went thru his first rehab. It was 30 days and when I found out he was comming home ( and I wasn't even living with him technically at the time) I was shocked. I thought "those rehab people are blind. He is still sick and crazy! How dare they send him home to me and the kids not cured!!!" After what I had lived thru with him, I thought they should keep him for at least 6 months then maybe a half-way house for a year, then I could tell if he was well enough to be released back into society! LOL! They let him out, he came home, tried really hard, relapsed, got sober, relapsed, got sober, had affairs, was violent, relapsed, you get the idea. So, here I am 4 years after he got out of rehab, we are divorced, I currently have no contact with him what so ever and really the only thing that has changed is me. He has done whatever it is he does but I can only do what I can do and that is not control him. Nobody asked what I thought was best for him, even though I assured everyone, including my ex that I KNOW what's best for him. What is best for me? That's what I am trying to figure out now. So, I think your feelings are completly natural. You may even be right as far as what you think is best but God laughs at our idea of perfection. courage to change the things I can......

carolena · Senior Member

((((((cac)))))) Take care of yourself and get in all the Al-Anon meetings that you can. Keep coming back here for hugs and support. I wish you the best.

Kim65 · ~*Service Worker*~

The counselors I worked with in rehab were usually recovering alcoholics and addicts as well, and they said if an alcoholic really wanted to get sober he/she could get sober in a garbage can. Rehab can and does provide intense treatment and tools, but the alcoholics willingness to stop drinking and change their life is the key, not length of treatment. Most insurance companies don't believe in the 30 day model anymore, mainly to not have to pay for it.

I'm saying this to try and reassure you of the need you have to attend to your own health right now. Just because he went to rehab doesn't change the essential equasion, that you can only do for yourself. There is no magic in rehab, and it's great that he even went. If you had your hopes up, I'm sorry if you feel 'let down', it's understandable, we want them to get well so much.

Lin0606 said something pretty profound . . . it doesn't matter whether our A is sober or not in OUR OWN recovery. That is such a relief, and so true when it finally hits you.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha CAC!!

There isn't anything to add to all of the great feedback and suggestions you have received from the family. Just wanted to throw in two cents from my experience. Don't be a stumbling block to his sobriety. The concern is that if you start and keep looking over his shoulder to see how or if he is "doing it" you will be setting yourself and him up for failure.
That is from my experience. If he ask you questions about his alcoholism...refer him to a or his sponsor...don't even try to answer and then get to your own recovery centers whether that be a face to face meeting, literature, your sponsor or this meeting.

Good luck and keep coming back. (((((hugs)))))

twinmom2 · ~*Service Worker*~

(((CAC)))

Just wanted to give you hugs because I'm going through what you are going through. My husband was released from detox yesterday after spending 8 days there. I was not comfortable taking him back in the home and let him know that this was the time for him to really focus on his sobriety and his life if he wanted to. He declared himself homeless and his casemanager found him a halfway house/apartment to share with six other recovering A's. I don't know when my AH will feel ready or confident to reunite back in the home. I know for me I don't feel good right now about taking him back in the home. I'm prepared for six months, but will honor longer if he says he's not ready. Taking him back too soon now would potentially be disasterous for all of us. I still have much work to do on my program, finances, and generally finding my peace and serenity without him in the home right now. We miss him dearly but I have to stick by my boundaries right now.
Whatever is the right thing for you you do. Focus on your recovery and leave your AH's recovery up to him. He is 100% responsible for his own healing, just like you are responsible for yours. Keep coming back. We are here for you

Peace,
Twinmom~

cac · Veteran Member

Thanks so much for the support!! I really needed you guys. Thanks for being here!
XXOO,
Cac

Karilynn · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((((CAC))))),

Can't add much to the already good suggestions here. But you might want to look at the post above called: Am I ready for sobriety???? It was of great help to me.

I wish you and your A all the luck in your recoveries. Love and blessings to you and your family.

Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.