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Ok...so it's been a while since I've been on. I'm usually on here talking about my A who is my b/f. He's been living in an Oxford house now for 2 months and has been sober for 3 1/2! I am very happy but also taking things one day at a time. So we'll see....I'm actually writing about another A. My father. He has been sober for over 30yrs. He stopped drinking and has been the best and most hardworking father possible. You would never know he ever struggled with anything, he seems so strong. I actually wasn't alive when he was drinking. I've only heard very vague stories and just know that daddy doesn't drink anymore. Well...about 6 months ago he started bringing home little bottles of sangria and hiding it down the basement. He then began drinking wine cooler type drinks in front of my mom, but she doesn't seem to mind. (I have know idea why, she left him for a few years when they were first married 50 yrs ago.) Anyway, one day about 5 months ago when mom was at work he brought home one 24 oz can of Coors. He said don't mention it to my mom very casually. It started to escalate from there. He began bringing in two once a week, twice a week, up to four times a week when my mom wasnt home. it was obvious he's hiding it. Over the past 5 months it has grown into 8 24 oz cans or more a day. Tonight however, when he came in from work, two of the cans were empty. So, either he was drinking at work or in the car. I'm the only one who knows about this. My other 2 brothers have married and moved out and my little brother is never home to witness it. At first, I thought I was overreacting because I didn't know how bad his drinking actually was because I didnt endure it. I thought I was just using my insecurities from my A boyfriend. But tonight when he came home with the empty cans I got nervous and it really bothererd me. I called my brother who did endure the times my dad was drinking (he's 15 yrs older) He was very shocked. He said that I wasn't over reacting and that our dads drinking was very bad for years. He said that I should try to approach my dad about the situtation. That I can't ignore it but yet I cant tell on him. My dad has a very argumentative temperment so I suggested writing him a letter telling how concerned I am about his new drinking habits after all these years. Im very nervous and dont know if I should. I know I can't ignore it but I don't want him to be mad at me. I'm the only one who witnessess this and he asks me to keep it a secret. He knows my b/f is an A and in AA but is still drinking around me. He's even given my b/f lectures. He knows what I've been through. My dad has given us the best life possible with a nice home, money, and a great family. Why would he start after all these years and involve me in it? What should I do and say?
I think I would respond to my dad with love and respect.In a way that I could feel ok whe love of my father no matter what the outcome. If it's something I feel needs to said because if I don't say it I will always regrett not saying it then theres my decision. i say it,with love and without expectation. my motive is pure and done for me and for the A. Because A's wheather they show it or not appericiate us caring about them.
Are you an adult at home with your father? I take it that you are if your bringing alcohol into the house. My advice is to work on your own issues with drinking. I would bring it up to your mother and let them deal with the situation. Knowing your father has/had a drinking problem I think bringing alcohol into their home is being very risky. I proabaly wouldn't do that anymore. The thing is.........if your father is coming home with empty containers it IS now your responsibility to find help for him because what if he kills someone on the road? You have information that could cost the life of someone else. You just don't let someone who is drinking and driving to have that secret. Sounds like your in one big mess. Father is an alcoholic, Boyfriend is an alcoholic and you drink............Someone needs to be responsible. Your in my prayers and I hope someone gets a hold on this disease. God Bless.
You are not causing him to drink, and you won't be able to make him stop. You are not that powerful.
However, you are responsible for your own actions. If keeping this secret for him makes you uncomfortable, tell him you will not keep it any longer. I don't think you say whether he has been in a program - you might want to talk to him about that - once. He could get back in touch if he has not been going to meetings. He's a big boy - he knows what he is doing to himself. It is not your job to get him sober, but it is also not your job to protect him. Try to detach; so sorry this is happening, but unfortunately it is not uncommon.
Hi friend of yours. Thanks for replying but I don't bring ANY alcohol into my house. I have never once even drank in the presence of my parents. My mother brings wine into the house. And lately my father has been sneaking it in.
Sorry, I misread. My fault. That's great that you don't. It's really hard for an alcoholic to quit drinking when he's around alcohol (mom drinking) My ahsober told me this. Your in a really tough spot with your father. I can only give you my opinion as to what I would do and it would be to bring it up to your mother. I'm sorry you have to be around alcoholism. It's so hard to be around and watch it kill those around you. I hope things get better for you. Have you tried al-anon meetings? It's worth a shot. See what people at the meetings say you might try. (((HUGS))))
I am so sorry you are dealing with another A situation. First know to go back to meetings, and keep posting.
As far as your decision on what to do. It seems to me that you don't have to approach him about this. Your father already knows what he is doing is wrong, hence the reason he's asking you to keep it a secret. If it was me, I would simply not enable him. Maybe the next time you see him drinking or he asks you to keep it a secret from your mother, you could just simply state that asking you to keep it a secret is asking you to approve and you don't. That will at least establish a boundary for you and hopefully send a strong message to him.
I send hugs and support. I cant imagine what you are going through. My Dad also has over 20 years and I dont know what I would do if he relapsed. His sobriety is something everyone is so proud of. He pulled his life together and like your father has totally been there for me. If he relapsed I would freak out so bad and be so sad. My stepmom recently relapsed, which was a huge shocker. I was so sad about it. However, she went back to treatment and got a ton of support, that goodness. Now, she is working her program again. So, there is always hope. I Pray for your family and hope you are able to pray for your father and turn things over to the higher power. I hope you go to meetings and keep posting and know we are here for you.
