The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Low and behold, I was right!! Found out today that my ex broke up with me because he met someone else. I didnt ask many questions, because I was just happy to finally have a reason for him ending our relationship. I wish I had her email address though because she's gonna need the link to this message board eventually when she doesnt know where to turn. Hopefully she's a stronger woman that I am and will be able to deal with his ups and downs. Thankfully I can finally have closure and start living my life again!!
I have learned a lot through reading the posts on this board. I think this whole experience has been a valuable lesson in life!!
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Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want, doesn't mean that they don't love you the best way they know how
Hate that you are going thru this painful experience. Please take the time for extra self-care. Try to do the stuff that is healthy & good for you & your recovery.
Peace, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I can't help but say you've been saved by the 'bell'. I know you are hurting badly . . . but like I said in the other post, these experiences in our lives, when confronted head on and processed the way you've been doing ONLY lead us into a better life. Your attitude is so good, I'm sure you'll reap the benefits of this growth experience!
So sorry you had to find this out. As bad as this hurts, you know that misery loves company, and he probably doesn't think he is good enough for you.
My A had a year long relationship with someone (I found out through the cell phone bill) and it was absolutely devastating to me. I found out that she drank a lot also and was separated from her husband because of it.
I pray that you find healing and begin to take care of yourself and what he does is not your business anymore. I am sending you (((HUGS)))) and hope today.
I hope you keep comming to alanon and this board. Just because this man is out of your life for now doesn't mean you have to stop learning about yourself thru this program. Being with an alcohoic for any length of time affects US profoundly and longlastingly. So, please keep comming back, keep posting and sharing. We need you to share your ESH. As much as you have been helped, you've helped us.
Now you know, and so comes the time when you can begin to put this chapter behind you and go on to better things. I wish you all the best. Take good care,
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Yep...I always find it amazing that the gut doesn't lie. I know I'm often tempted to try and convince my gut that it's wrong..., but 99% of the time...it's dead on.
I know it sounds wrong to say "congratulations" in cases like this, but hey - now ya know..., and better to not have to wonder anymore. There's better out there...or at least that's what I'm told. Okay, I don't have personal proof of that yet, but I'm still hopeful - and I see that as a good sign...
That does suck but the best revenge you can have is to live and live well and happy. I'm so sure you will find someone that is way better then he was. I feel sorry for the "new" girl. Let's hope she's smart and figures him out quickly. I wouldn't wish that disease on anyone, even my worst enemy. Good luck
I have NEVER been the type of person to get revenge, but because of this experience I may just be leaning toward a little tiny bit of revenge, nothing too hurtful though. When I spoke with him (he called me at least a dozen times after my initial conversation today) he appeared to be overly concerned about what I've been doing with my free time. Well, I fibbed a tad and told him I've been extremely busy and having a great time going out with friends and doing things with my children. Well I havent been "extremely" busy, but I didnt think he needed to know that. He asked if I was dating and my response was simply "no I havent been dating because I needed closure on you and I. But now that I know where you and I stand and know that there isnt, or won't be, a 'you and I' again I can take my blinders off and perhaps accept a date with another man.' He was a little taken back by that. I could hear it in his voice. Oh well, sucks to be him.
No, I'm not going to jump back into a relationship with someone just to be in a relationship. Thats not my style. But now I wont feel guilty about accepting a dinner date from a male friend or someone I meet. I still felt attached to him in some way and couldnt accept any offers from men for dinner, etc because I didnt have closure on my relationship with him. I let him know that I have no problem being solo for a while, which I dont. I'm very independant and have always enjoyed my 'alone' time. Sure its nice to have a "companion" but what good is a companion that shows no emotions or affection. It's like being solo anyway.
I think if and when I ever date again, my first question may be--"so, are you by chance an alcoholic" If their answer is yes, or not anymore, this woman is going run as fast as can be away from him. I can't go thru this again. I'm sure some do get well, and conquer their addiction, but others pity themselves so much that you start to feel sorry for them. They rope you right in. Not fair!!
Its amazing how much having closure on this whole experience has affected me in a positive way. I feel like myself again knowing that I didnt do anything wrong to cause the collapse of our relationship. If I did something wrong, it would be that I cared too much!!
I cant help but wonder though who this "new woman" is. Is she from the program? All I know is she had better be one strong woman, she most certainly is going to need her strength. Once the facade is revealed, God Bless her dealing with who he really is.
Tonight I am going to dinner with a very dear male friend and you know what? I'm having a glass of wine or perhaps sharing the whole bottle with him over some good genuine conversation. And you know why? Because I can have a glass of wine or share a bottle of wine, because I am not addicted to alcohol!! In the last year, if I've had one glass of wine, its alot. Now I can start being myself again and have a drink once in a while because I am a responsible woman and mother!!
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Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want, doesn't mean that they don't love you the best way they know how
You sound very confused. I hope you stay on the right path before going off the deep end. Being honest here....I think your too vulnerable to be going out with anyone at this time and mentally you do not sound ready. That's just my opinion.
I'm glad you now have some closure and can move on. You're right, it sucks to be him (and her). Things always become clearer when you have a solid path to follow. Carry on! Hope you have a lovely dinner with your friend.
*toast* Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
