The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Do you ever get into a mood where you just dont want to be around anyone and all you're up to is spending the entire day in bed? Sulking and feeling sorry for yourself? That was my day today. I cant understand why I have such ups and downs. Why cant their be a balance? Why cant I detach from him? Why is this so friggen hard?
I didnt speak with my ex A b/f all weekend. Then today, he forwards me an email and calls. It breaks my heart everytime I hear from him. I cant stop wondering what I did wrong to make him end our relationship, no matter how hard I try to focus on me!!!!! His family calls me, his friends call me. They all call to see how I am. I dont want to be rude to them when they call, but in a way I wish they'd just leave me alone so I can heal from all I've been thru in the past month.
I wish I would wake up and all this was a dream. Today I want my life with my ex A b/f back because I miss him with all my heart. Today he said that I was the one that ended things with him!! How dare he!! Why is he playing with my heart, my emotions? Why is he blaming me for this? It wasnt me that ended this, it was him! He was such a huge part of my life!! I wonder what he's doing, who he's with, if he misses me as much as I miss him. I just wish this was all a dream. When am I gonna wake up!!
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Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want, doesn't mean that they don't love you the best way they know how
Please don't take this as rude but you really should see a therapist about this. Seriously, if your in bed all day with the feeling of doom then there is an issue there. It seems like way more then an al-anon board is going to be able to help you with. I can suggest this because I went to counseling with a therapist and it helped so much and I was anti-therapy before that. Good luck hun. (((HUGS)))
I assume u havent started going to meetings for yourself yet ? I hope u find some f2f u do it for you . In my experience this is typical alcoholic behavior , come here go away type of relationship = thier terms . he wants out of the relaitonship but continues to call and email to make sure your still around , they are like boomerangs they just keep commin back . Your own program will help u understand this disease a little better more importantly just how it has and will continue to affect your life unless u get help for yourself , help u set boundaries for your relationship andto take care of you . Get out of bed and look after you , your the only one who can . Louise
Well, hon, are you getting to f2f meetings? Are you doing your reading? Are you keepig busy? If this relationship was so intense, your children are going through something here too - are you helping them? Sometimes we just have to 'fake it til you make it" - act like a healthy person, and soon you wlll start believeing you are one.
Ive had times like youre going through. Heres what I did Stopped calling myself a negative identity. Did not allow myself to think of myself as anything but what I wanted to be. Self-talk is important. Made Affirmations first person present tense. Me + now. For example, I enjoy the choices I make. I am healthy with a bright future. Stuff like that. Even when I didnt feel it, I made affirmations how I wanted my life to be. I put a list on my mirror and read them when brushing my teeth. (Mumble mumble) That got me to start and end my day with good thoughts. It took months and it changed my attitude from victim to a woman with choices. Now when I feel the pull back into oh I wish he were --- I remember how that felt to live like that and the time it took to feel better. I dont want that. Face to face meetings are so helpful. Please find one that works for you.
I agree that you need to attend some f2f meetings to begin to learn how to take care of yourself...and it might also be a wise idea to seek professional help for what sounds eerily like depression. I hope you'll find yourself eeling much better tomorrow.
Sincerely,
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Well, I admit there are days when I don't want to get out of bed, but I do because I have to . . . that's the only reason, though! They come in clusters, and for me I think they are grief and exhaustion. If I "rest", expect nothing of myself but to do what is needed, and spend the time CONSCIOUSLY acknowleging that I'm having a hard time, and need to baby myself a bit, the mood lifts within a couple of days. I'm functioning (at these times) and know it will pass.
I think the reason I don't go into the black pit of hell is because I'm on an antidepressant, one I took for years with PMS but lately take it daily. It lifts my 'spirits' just enough that I can process the bad feelings and experiences in my life right now without getting actually depressed. For me it has made me stay afloat in a tough situation.
Depressions or 'really bad times' can be the beginning of new personal awarenesses, new life knocking at your door . . . the Chinese call stuff like this 'opportunity'. It's a real nice way of saying 'this is one of those *&$()#*& learning experiences'. Therapy and or antidepressants are very beneficial for these times if a person doesn't feel like they can dig out on their own with support.
I'd say you might be on the brink of some serious personal growth. It's usually darkest before dawn :) .
heartbreak is heartbreak. it is what it is. there is no shame in feeling your feelings, it is what we have to do. you are grieving for your relationship, which is natural and OKAY! when you are ready to move on, you will find what you need to do. detaching can be a process, too, just like setting boundaries and having honest communication. why is it okay for him to still call you and bring up those feelings of love?
i, too, believe that getting to a face to face meeting would be a great start. whether you attend al-anon or a cod-e group, you will find love and understanding, and a program that will develop tools for you to use when things are tough.
take what you like and leave the rest, with love cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
I can remember feeling the same way you do now when I first came into Alanon. Even though you may not believe it now, (just as I didn't) things will get better. When I first came into Alanon, my husband and I were seperated and I was devastated. I had made him my whole world and when we split up I felt so lonely and terrified. Even though it may be hard at first, you need to take the focus off of your boyfriend and do some good things for yourself. The better you are to yourself the easier it will get. A lot of times, being in an alcoholic relationship can leave us without any self-confidence. Also, you may want to purchase a book called Getting ThemSober. It helped me get through a lot of hard times. Journaling was also a big help. Just start writing and let all those feelings flow out on your paper. Just a sugestion that works for me. I'm not sure about your situation with f2f meetings, but if at all possible, you need to try and attend as many f2f meetings that you can. It not only helps to be among friends who have gone through what you're going through, but it will also get you up and out of bed and out among people.
Today he said that I was the one that ended things with him!! How dare he!! Why is he playing with my heart, my emotions? Why is he blaming me for this? 
It wasnt me that ended this, it was him! He was such a huge part of my life!! I wonder what he's doing, who he's with, if he misses me as much as I miss him. I just wish this was all a dream. When am I gonna wake up!! 