The material presented
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Hello to all. Thanks for everyone's advice this week. My problem is that it has been one week and I have still not talked to my A. I think men can deal with the not taking issue more than women. I have been upset with him over his actions last weekend. I have given it to God and my A friend said I should start making a life for myself. Its hard...I think my A likes it when I don't talk to him. He walks in one room and I walk out. Crazy..Any suggestions how to cope.
I think your A friend has the best suggestion. Make a life for yourself. Get busy, do fun things. Do things you wouldn't ordinarily do, things that you've only thought would be nice to do. Have some fun!!! LIVE!!
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Know exactly how you feel....me and mine have not talked since Sun. night last week. I fall asleep on the couch, then go to bed once he is asleep. He hates me, so he says. I ache. I am doing everything I can to take care of me, but the emptiness is still there. I am glad you are here. May we both find the peace we so deserve. Love in Recovery, Becky1
Hi, I am probably not going to be real popular with this reply but am going to pass along some ESH given. Someone near and dear to me told me to check my motives. Was I keeping the Merry -go- round going with the silent treatment? Was I trying to control the situation? Could I treat this person with the dignity I would treat a stranger in my home? If I was getting something in the refrigerator, offer, but not if I was not getting it for myself? If I was leaving say goodbye. Etc...
How is this working for you? Are you feeling any better? Nothing changes if nothing changes.
As I said, I would probably not be too popular, but when I needed "black belt al-anon" someone cared enough to give it to me.
Blessings and take what you like and leave the rest.
Hi, making your own life and keeping the focus on you is "where's it's at".
It took time for me to get my life together to the point where I could focus on myself and no longer be hurt whether or not my AH speaks to me. I can't believe that I've gotten to the point where sometimes he'll start talking non-stop and I want to say, "please - shut up!"
As my self esteem got higher, the silent stuff didn't bother me as much. If you ask him a question, will he answer you? What I'm still working on is when he walks out on me when I'm in the middle of a sentence or just doesn't answer if I ask him a question. I don't deal very well with rudeness.
One thing that's helped me is that I know if he died, the things I hate the most that he does are the things I'd probably want back! I hope that doesn't sound too crude, but it helps me to cope with his behaviors better and not feel rejected.
Someone told me when I first came into Al-Anon - "don't feel rejected by a reject". That wasn't a nice thing to say, I guess, but it helped me.
You're in my prayers - buy yourself a rose tomorrow.
OOOOhhh "Rejected by a reject!" I love that quote. My AH asked me for a divorce. His loss ...really what am I losing? He really doesn't want one I don't think what it means is "I wanna do what I wanna do with no responsibilities" I already work, take care of the kids, etc. I can do it without him . His loss not mine. I can go to any corner bar and replace him. Really, what am I losing. Plus, I do think there is another woman. That is hurtful but really what is she getting? She can have him! I am so tired of the drama. I just want some peace.
