The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Isn't it amazing when you think you are okay, and everything is under control, and your deep-seeded anger comes back again?
I was okay with sober A going to jail for his six month stint (he began last Friday night). I was calm about it, I did not freak out about being alone or the financial mess this has put our household in. He was able to get out on a 4 hour break to gather his belongings for work release. He had to buy "new" things to bring in; shampoo, soap, etc., padlocks for his "property". I ended up spending $25 on him (which I did not intend to spend) and all of a sudden instead of being happy to spend the time with him - I was fuming.
Mad because of what this disease has done to him, this mess he is in. Mad at HIM for doing this to me, that I have to spend some money on him. Mad mad mad. Mad that he will miss our daughter's graduation from Air Force basic training in June.
He sensed it and of course apologized, said he would pay me back as soon as he could. He has been great, keeping his end of the bills up, etc. It is just such a process. He is a totally different person sober, he is my friend again. He feels low enough that he is in this position now at 47 years old. He is embarrassed from his actions. Yet still the feelings surface from alcoholism and its effects on everyone.
Anyway, things calmed down but it is so important to keep venting, keep working the steps, keep talking to other recovering people. This disease takes the whole family over and the waves keep crashing even after they are sober. I am still grateful that he didn't kill anyone while driving, truly. He was very lucky. I am grateful he is sober and seems to want to change his life. Most of all, I am grateful for my NEW perspective on MY life. I know that things will exist without him. I know that I will never worry about living alone again, that if we were to have to split, I would be fine. I finally feel strong and my self-esteem is so much better.
Thanks to all who helped me when I was desperate here, and thanks for those of you who helped without knowing it, just writing your experiences!!! Have a nice week...
Glad you are taking care of yourself & feeling the feelings - Who wouldn't feel some anger and madness at the situation? That is a hurtful situation that you are in & I know for me, when someone hurts me, it makes me angry.
Try to keep processing the different emotions in a healthy productive way and keep that reassurance that you are strong & you & your HP are going to be ok - even better than OK - no matter what!!
((Congrats on the daughter graduating from AF basic training!!))
Peace to you, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I am with Rita on this one.... who wouldn't have a little burst of pent up anger. I sure do from time to time, even if its just about the waste of it all.
You are doing great, and I am so encouraged at your growth. Over the past year it has sure been visable.
Keep taking care of you! You deserve it!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Anger will come up again and again until YOU put a stop to the cycle. I still get mad every now and again and sometimes I will remind him "YOU GOT US IN THIS MESS" and then a few minutes will go by and I will thing "ya know that was really unnessasary because he is hurting enough and he has put himself through enough pain" So I will usually apologize and say "that was uncalled for and I'm sorry, keep doing the best you can" We all need someone to fall back on and as their wife (girlfriend, whatever) it's my job to support him, heck I've gone this far. Figure out what you think is acceptable without being critisizing to him. It's ok to express your feelings of hurt but only in a noncritisizing way. We grow while they are growing too. Good luck sweets.
What a great post!! Mahalo (thanks). Feeling resentment? switch to forgiveness. Feeling anger? switch to acceptance. Feeling losses? switch to gratitude. This is truely the stuff of recovery and you are in it good and others will learn from your ESH. Again I AM grateful.
I have these anger surges too. Not so much now that I don't see him anymore, but I am aware that the anger is still there ready to charge in at any time. I know I have to feel the emotion and release it to get rid of it. I'm still working on this.
The other day I was on a work training day, and some of the rubbish being spoken (imo i know!) made me quite angry. I was in the minority but said what i had to say. I came away realising that I have more anger than I was aware of.
So Heidi, I'm working on it too. You are not alone. Hope to get some insight from your replies.
