(((Friends)))

Thank you so much for your posts yesterday it truly helped me to get through yesterday and some of you really made me laugh.  Sometimes I get so angry and I just have to let it out before I explode.  No explosions yesterday.  I was pretty cold and distant to my AH on the phone, but in the evening I softened a bit at least to express my feelings.  My AH is being released from Detox on Monday.  He cannot go on to the next facility until he has an ID to show, so he will have to stay in a shelter Monday night.  He's not happy about that but I cannot have him in the house not even for one night.  I was able to write a letter this morning explaining my boundaries right now and what I'm comfortable doing and not doing.  Coming home is not an option.  Toting him from place to place so he can get his ID and see a psychiatrist to get meds is not an option.  He can take a bus and get himself to where he needs to go.  I have to work and keep things running smoothly at my job. 
It is time for my AH to learn his community resources and learn to be self-reliant instead of draining me and his parents.  The best thing for me now is to keep my emotional and physical distance.  His family, the kids, and I will visit with him Sunday evening for one hour and I'll bring him the clothes he's asked for.  I feel good about myself because finally my boundaries are clear to me and I'm communicating them clearly to him, I'm firm and not giving him an inch to take.  If I give an inch he'll try and take 10, I used to give in to that.  I'd allow him to make me feel guilty.  I have nothing to feel guilty about, I did not cause his disease, I cannot control his disease, and I cannot cure his disease. 

I wish each of you a peaceful and blessed weekend.  I'm going to have fun celebrating the birth of my boys; we are blessed with or with out the A in our lives.  Our families are amazingly supportive and I am so grateful to have them in our lives.  My kids are dealing with this well and I think a huge reason is because of this program and the tools its taught me.  I'm not a basket case, maybe a little deranged under duress but hey who isn't.

Someone said yesterday that I have taught my AH that he can behave like this in our marriage and get away with it.  I do believe that I have contributed to him believing that and continuing these unhealthy behaviors and unhealthy ways of communication.  My boundaries were fuzzy and my fears impaired my judgement and insight.  I did not take action in following through with the consequences and so there were'nt any consequences and he just kept doing it over and over again.  Now I'm following through with the consequences and doing whatever needs to be done to keep myself and the kids safe. 

Peace,
Twinmom~