The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have had so many people tell me that they got hypnotized to quit smoking that I have decided to give it a shot. What could it hurt, right?
So if I come back on here sounding like a chicken or a duck.... you will know what happened. LOL
Wouldn't it be nice to have a 12 step hypnotist? They could tape record your 4th step. Just simply "command" 1-3.... heck the only thing left up to us would be our 12th step work.
My biggest enemy in this, is me. Not her... not all the other untreated A's in my life. My own view of what is going on around me... and how I take it, is my problem.
That doesn't mean that I am not sickened by what this is doing to my AW. I hate it for her and everyone else who is spinning in this woorlpool, but there is precious little I can do other than keep it from driving me crazy.
I sat quitely the other day when my AW informed me that I don't care about her, and never do anything to help her... I just let her vent. But I thought about it. Is it still true that I would take a bullet intended for her... trade places with her in any deadly situation if it would save her, and the answer is yes. I would.
This is just so different than that. What she expects is for me to just be sick with her so she doesn't have to face it.... and that I am just not willing to do (to myself, or my kids.)
I thought for years that I was taking that bullet by covering up her misdeads, by making a safe little place for her to do what is now tearing her apart. Putting up with her chaos without question and being a myrter was my way of trying to take away her pain.
Ok, for everyone still trying to "take that bullet" .... you are getting very sleeeeepy... now when I click this submit button... you will go find a meeting.
1.... 2.... 3....
Click
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Did you ever read "Getting Them Sober", volume one, by Toby Rice Drews... This post almost "cries out" for the flavor of that book.... In a nutshell, it reminds us "if we really love our A's, then get ourselves healthy".
Your posts continue to show how much you love and care for her, and unfortunately show her ongoing attempts to "hook" you and keep you stuck.
Damn. You are me, from 2001. It brings back lots of memories.... Not many of them positive, lol. I always say I wish I had learned or dealt with it sooner, but then am reminded that many times we recover at exactly the right speed that we need to...
Take care, and don't lose faith..... in you!!
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I also hope & pray that one day your wife will understand how much you do care for her. That you care enough to get out of the way so that she will hopefully hit a place where she will seek help with her disease. That is the most loving thing a person can do for their A. And that you are working on healing yourself so that when (and I really do pray that it is a when not an if) she does find recovery, you will be healthy enough to share it with her.
And hey after being hypnotized - if you come back sounding like a chicken or a duck or think that you are someone famous like Prince or Sanjaya from American Idol - we're your recovery family - will still keep ya'!!!!!!
((hugs)),
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
If you do come out speaking chicken or duck, I'm sure my flock will accept you. I have a few chickens who want to nest in the woods and can't get them to stop . . . maybe interpreter services for wayward poultry is in your future?
It's heartbreaking to me how much real love is shown by the A's loved ones, and it's not seen by the person who is being loved. No, they don't 'want' the love, they want company under the wool over their eyes. I think about all the years I thought it was the right thing to do, to stay under there with my A. It became my own shame too, and I've spent too long hiding to protect a shame that wasn't even mine to begin with.
Good luck on the hypnotism! Talk about taking care of yourself! I'm looking forward to hearing how it went. Keep us posted.
So glad to see you around!! I think it is worth a try to go to a hypnotist. My cousin did it and she actually has not smoked in a while, probably a few years! She really tried everything before that. Good luck!
You are wise to recognize the things that the A does to make US feel guilty, they want to drag us down (rather, the disease wants to) and let us wallow in this with them. You would take a bullet for her, but then again, I don't think you want to wallow with her in this misery. It is great you recognize these things. The compassion you have for her continues to amaze me.
Good luck and hope with everything in your life, you sound like you are progressing and growing every single day!!!
he he he...my ex wife did that hypnosis thing once. It actually did work for her for about 6 months..before she changed jobs into an "all smoke" environment and she succumbed! However someone else I know did it with the her at the same time and have not smoked again...that was mmmmmmm..... 10 years ago!
Great post keep up the recovery work. I do relate to the smoking addiction as I am newly (again) out of the smoke for I think now it's been about a month. Still craving at times and turning the decision over to "no" and the situation over to HP. I use to smoke cigarettes and then relapsed to cigars, inhaling every drag until my nicotine allowance was back to the top. Just like alcohol relapse we don't go back to where we started but to where we left off. I am too oppositionally defiant to be hypnotized any way I can and have acted like all sorts of animals without it.
Taking a bullet for the alcoholic? I have had those thoughts in the past and with the help of the program was able to learn that it is not healthy to do that. If I take the bullet then the only one left is the alcoholic and someone trying to shoot people down. Today I have learned to say to the alcoholic, "Look out someone is shooting, Duck!!" (There's that duck thing again.) or..."Hey duck, there's someone shooting." (Little bit of early recovery humor when my sponsor, helping me to accept my wife as alcoholic and breaking my denial said, "If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, chances are it's a DUCK!") Or I can tell the alcoholic, "I think there's a bullet coming your way." It's not healthy standing in the way of a bullet. People who do are generally considered insane. (Check out step two.) I do know what you mean though and I can read the enabling/codependency clearly. It's not about love...it's about addiction.
Let us know about the hypnotism thingy cause I too would like to hear how it came out. Aren't you supposed to forget that you were hypnotized?
Ok - I am totally confused. RTEXAS-wasn't the hypnosis thing just a joke? Or are you really going to try getting hypnotized to help you w/enabling, etc.? Hhmmm. Interesting concept, whether it is really available or not.
I personally would never get hypnotized. I read this book one time (mystery, murder, sex, money - I think it was a James Patterson book but can't be for sure)......anyway, there was this hypnosis therapist that was INSANE. He would hypnotized his patients so that they would be under his full command. So basically, there was this woman who had a fear of being outside.....he was her therapist....naturally she was GORGEOUS and he wanted her. So he had it set up that he'd call her on the phone, say his magic word and she would be under his command....that is when he would come to her house, do as he pleased and have her block it from memory.....and managed to get her to believe it was her ex husband breaking in at night and taking advantage of her. Crazy book.....but made me fearful of relinquishing my consciousness to another person.
But hey that is just me......I also am pretty sure that at some point the therapist is bound to make you bark like a dog or something just the fun of it...I know I probably would I was the hyptonsist. LOL.
Oh anyway....I hope that you realize what a wonderful person you are. I always like reading your posts.....you offer an amazing point of view and perspective. At least to me it seems that way. Take care of you....whether you get hypnotized or not. :)
