The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Low and behold who calls me this morning? My ex A b/f. He blocked his number so I picked up. He was just calling to see how I was. Said he was worried because he hadn't heard from me. I have been avoiding him like the plague for a while, just to try to heal from all I've been through emotionally with him. It was so good to hear his voice and to know he was thinking about me. God I miss him!!! I feel like all I've accomplished in the past month went down the drain!! All I want after talking to him was one of his famous bear hugs!
I feel like I'm the one with the disease!!
I have been trying so hard to detach from him. Now I feel like I have to start over.
Just when my heart was mending, its been cracked in half again. Why can't I just let go and move on? Whyyyyyy
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Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want, doesn't mean that they don't love you the best way they know how
It's so hard to let go when we remember the good and fun times we had with them. That tends to overshadow all the "junk" we ended up going through. Just hang in there. It will get better. Eventually there will be some good days, when you remember the good stuff, acknowledge it for what it was and are able to still let it go.
Responding to his charming best self does NOT mean everything you've learned is down the drain. Neither does wanting a bear hug. It means you are human, and humans have feelings, and these are some of the ones you have. That's not only okay, it's as it should be. Doesn't mean you've leapt off a cliff and acted on those feelings without regard for the consequences.
Meanwhile, you came on here and posted about the tumoil & ambiguity - is that a tool you had a month and a half ago?
Make the decision to have a good weekend. Take up a new activity, check out free activities in the local area, read a new book, go to or rent a funny movie.
I know it's hard...but remember why you came here to begin with...to get YOU healthy.
My a fiance decided to do his own thing this weekend and told me (didnt consult) and i was fuming...now that I've calmed down, I'm going to make plans to do everything I can to have fun with our son.
If you need to, got o f2g meetings (i'm searching for one with babysitting) and vent here...I have truly felt like venting here has saved me many blow ups at a fiance.
It's a really hard process, but onen that needs to happen.
TURN YOUR PRESSURE INTO PRAISE...get out some music, sing, dance, set yourself free.
If I remember correctly, HE was the one who wanted to end your relationship, right? And you didn't want to? And you have decided, over time, that you have to accept that it is over, and gain some detachment?
I'm assuming that you have shared this with him- that he knows that you did not choose the breakup, and that you are distancing yourself from him because it is in your own best interest. That you have told him that you prefer he not call, as it hurts you?
If you HAVE been honest with him, and made your position clear, then you might want to think about his actions. You have said to him "I am doing the best I can to get through a situation that was not of my doing, but was your choice, and you can make it easier for me by not contacting me" and his response to that is to continue to contact you, and when you stop taking his calls, to trick you into answering. He is showing one thing very clearly - he is not your friend. From here, it looks like he is poking you because he likes to watch you jump.
I'm sorry if this seems harsh. Everyone here knows that people who love you can hurt you badly. However, when they go out of their way to hurt you, for no reason than that they can, this is not a sign of love. Or, not any kind of love you really want.
Detaching is the hardest part for me. Because I miss him so much, and I do still love this knucklehead.
Yes he is the one that chose to end our relationship, for reasons I still dont know. He asked for space, I gave him space. I do not contact him because I am respecting HIS wishes. I have told him that, "You asked for space, I gave you space. Now my energy is spent concentrating on me and my children and all the good things in my life and trying to detach from all the negative things."
I'm sure he misses me. I'm sure he realizes that I was a good thing in his life. He made his choice though, for whatever reason and as hard as it is for me to accept, I HAVE TO MOVE ON!! Yes I cry, yes I am sad, yes I have good days and bad days agonizing over what I might have done wrong to ruin our relationship. Its not easy to get over someone you loved with all your heart.
Someone on the board posted that its hard to get rid of an A and they were right. But deep down inside, do I really want to get rid of him? I just dont know.
Gonna try to keep busy this weekend and do things for me. If he calls, he calls. What can I do except deal with the emotions afterwards.
Just having a tough Friday afternoon. This too shall pass (hopefully)
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Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want, doesn't mean that they don't love you the best way they know how
We are in a similar place. But my kids are grown, my AHsober's choice of separation after 33 years of marriage has an impact. I still love me husband with all my heart. He says he chooses his addiction and doesn't want to try any more. I try to focus on myself. I do know that I am working at hearing my HP's will for me. I am not a patient person but I know things will go better if I do. I like your honesty. I think we all are getting better and better even when we make mistakes.
Wow, do I remember those days of long ago. I don't believe this phone call has to set you all the way back if you can allow your intellect instead of your heart work for you. Not easy, I know, but you know what's best for you. Sure it hurts. It's a hard way to learn but it made me a stronger person in the end.
I'm sorry for your pain - it does bring back lots of memories for me and I wouldn't want to go through that kind of pain again. Just try to do the next right thing for you.
