Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Geoff · Geoff

Well it my AW birthday today. We just finished opening gifts with the kids had a coffee and she just received a text from her guy friend mother saying call me asap please. She did and it turns out he is in the hospital. He OD on his DOC and now because his mother can't drive him and his girl friend also doesn'...

PosiesandPuppies · PosiesandPuppies

Today's reading is about the after effects of Letting Go. Once we begin focusing on ourselves and let go of the obsession & worry for others, the author found that there was a whole lot of free time that took some time to adjust to. The author states, "We knew how to live in a state of crisis, but it ofte...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Today's reading is all about seizing the day, the moment, etc. Many of us put our dreams and promises on hold waiting for that special day - that one day when .... Some of us were waiting for the disease to be cured, others were waiting on something else - no matter. Al-Anon has helped us to see that toda...

Freetime · Freetime

Calmness of mind -- the writer of today's page faced a dilemma of how to fill the extra time gained by not focusing on other people's crises. Now that the mind has become quieter, how to fill it without grabbing for old fears, how to be mentally busy without creating our own crisis which lets us feel bus...

Kokopelli · Kokopelli

So my AH is saying he is going to fight for the house after twice now he said I could have it, back and forth this is going. No kids, dogs with special needs, been in the house for 25 years. I'm worried to fight for the house if he wants it to becuase the judge can say sell it and split the money, were in FL. He do...

Maresie888 · Maresie888

One of the traits I have seen with the alcoholic qualifier is the need to make me feel insecure and jealous After the qualifier wooed me and appeared to be a devoted boyfriend he switched lkterally overnught to quite deliberately trying to make me feel insecure and absolutely comoulsively discount...

Skorpi · Skorpi

Hello MIP! In today's reading the author reflects on step 1: We are powerless over alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable. Over the years, the author did a lot of thinking about step 1, and recently, began to do a lot of feeling about the step as well. The primary emotion the author shared was g...

DavidG · DavidG

Disease, illness, sickness, malaise. It is cunning and baffling. I have heard the word "dysfunctional" bandied about. I think that that is far too soft a word. Damaging, dangerous, even life threatening, describes it better. I have been involved with my nephew G. His two kids have been taken int...

Fedora · Fedora

I just told AH that I'm getting the kids signed up for counseling. He is Furious. I am standing my ground. I know enough about this disease now to know that my kids are going to need to have tools in place. They're too young for Al-A-Teen. (At least the littler one is). I want them to have someone they can t...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

I'm going to any ways. Basically long story short this has been a year of revelation of how much I get to control myself and not others. My latest run in with my X involved my youngest and an iPad for singing lessons. S/he (cause I'm pretty sure his wife was involved) was very entertaining. They overp...

2HP · 2HP

From the beginning, I was told that "the instructions" for recovery were in the Twelve steps. Sometimes (and especially when nothing feels like its working anymore) I like to re-read the instructions. Many of us are facing challenges this year, and I thought a discussion on the instructions coul...

Geoff · Geoff

I just wanted to say good morning to you all. My wife an I have our couples session today and the previous ones usually end up with us worse off than when we start. We usually right after just talk about it without our therapist and always work it out on our own. I feel like today will be different it will only...

Seahorse7 · Seahorse7

Whenever my AH takes vacation days I know we are in for daily drinking because every day off is a drinking day. And I also expect that at some point during vacation he will lash out at me. This time, we are vacationing at home because of Covid, though we are able to go do things outdoors. I have been tellin...

Enigmatic · Enigmatic

Today's page addresses the loneliness that may come from feeling that no one truly understands what we are going through. We are reminded, however, that we can free ourselves from this at any time by refocusing our mind on blessings, rather than the real or perceived deficits in our life.Nothing has...

Geoff · Geoff

This weekend stared off on a sour note for my spouse and I. I did realize it was all due to me and my attitude. I was letting the what if's control my days and by the end of the week I was in a terrible mood even staurday morning when we have coffee together on the porch and she reads from her daily book it was not e...

Lyne · Lyne

The reading for Monday, 8/31, reflects upon people saying its a nice day when the weather is fine. What we learn in alanon is that the kind of day it is, does not depend upon the weather. Instead, the kind of day we are having is attributed to our attitudes and reactions to what s going on around us. The...

Matoma · Matoma

I am reading all of these posts and thinking do I really want to do this? I feel very naive and, quite frankly, stupid. I started seeing someone last fall. I work with him and knew that he went through a 30 day rehab and 60 day IOP last year, before we started seeing each other. I worked with his family to h...

yanksfan51 · yanksfan51

Good morning everyone: I wouldnt typically start with the Thought for the Day at the end of todays page, but it is such a powerful statement Im thinking about it like bookends for each day, a morning and evening reflection. It reads: In Al-Anon Ive learned to savor the tiny, specific, beautiful momen...

PosiesandPuppies · PosiesandPuppies

Sorry for the late start, MIP Family! Today's reading is from Courage to Change. It speaks about Step 8. "Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all." The author describes Step 8 as "the means to release myself from unrelenting guilt." They go onto say that by m...

DavidG · DavidG

I picked up the three A's here. I was always cautious about not using conference approved material. Maybe hypervigilant, even. So- the three A's appear in a reading for Courage To Change. Through our three daily readers there are over 1000 entries. So there is a fair bit of scope here. I believe that...

Fedora · Fedora

This morning the police called me out of my class to alert me that my AH had been taken to the local jail because of DUI. This is number 2. The city police called the campus police to try to find me. The campus police officer was so kind. The city police officer were so kind. I appreciated that. They had to go...

dragonfly04 · dragonfly04

I haven't posted in awhile and I have been so busy with work lately. It's a busy time right now. I haven't kept up with my readings or self care the last 2 weeks. My feelings are all over the place. My bf is an active alcoholic and it's putting a strain on me. I try not to argue with him. I will excuse myself from...

DavidG · DavidG

Or close to home, anyway. I visited my nephew and his partner yesterday. His partner is going away to rehab. on Monday morning- for 12 or 16 weeks. Their kids have been taken off of them- and they want their kids back. I think they have along long way to go. To use a cricketing term- I am a wee way out o...

Freetime · Freetime

Today's author learned about trust and worthiness from her first Al-Anon sponsor. She learned she could trust her sponsor to be gentle, and also to say what needed to be said. The sponsor helped her overcome her self-doubt. When our author was in despair of ever feeling better, the sponsor pointed...

Geoff · Geoff

2020 has been the worst year for many, but it has been especially terrible for me. I got to start the year off with planning an intervention for my wife. It all started back in fall of 2019 when her father passed away. I had been busy with doing the lions share of taking the kids to sports volunteering for Ho...

yanksfan51 · yanksfan51

Good morning everyone: Todays reading is about the important relationship of sponsor/sponsee in the program. It is written from the point of view of the sponsor, and how seeing the growth in recovery of a sponsee is such a big part of the program. I have not had the experience of being a sponsor, but my...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Today's reading discusses the first 3 steps in our program. The writer was disappointed when the first meeting attended did not give out a 'do/don't list' on how to change the alcoholic. Instead, the 12 Steps were provided. Desperate for change, she opted to give the steps a try. By the second meet...

Maresie888 · Maresie888

In 2008 I was in this program holding on by bare knuckles. I.left the qualifier, was deeply in debt, barely enoloyed and marginally housed. Nevertheless, largeky because of the chaos he created, I left When I.leff the qualifier back then with ni job.and no money the economy took a real downturn. I....

Kokopelli · Kokopelli

While going through the beginnings of divorcing my AH, we have routines from 17 years together, making his lunch, doing his laundry, calling eachother pet names. How do you cope with this? How do you shut this down and tell him he needs to work on getting better. I want to still be his best friend and h...

Kokopelli · Kokopelli

I have my first appointment with the lawyers assistant, a financials appointment, next Thursday. My AH has contacted journey pure and said they cant see him till late next week. He even did a couple things around the house, was shocked. I express how happy I am that he reached out and has an appointment...

Skorpi · Skorpi

Hello MIP! In today's reading, the author reflects on one of the chief symptoms of the family disease of Alcoholism - Denial. The author reflects in wonder about how they didn't see what was happening with the addiction - alcoholism had left messy tracks all through the author's life, and at the time...

AgainAgain · AgainAgain

New to this board but not to Al Anon. I was an active member for five years while my wife was drinking heavily. Ultimately the disease won and she passed away two years ago after 26 years of marriage. Assuming that my issues with alcohol were behind me, I stepped away from my group. Fast forward to tod...

Kokopelli · Kokopelli

Hello, In January 2020 I finally had the courage to speak up to my AH about how unhappy I was in our marriage and that his drinking and depression left me lonely and unhappy. I had told him for the last 3 years that he needed to start cutting back on drinking and start seeing a counselor for his depression...

Enigmatic · Enigmatic

...'by stopping to think: Easy Does It,' so recommends today's ODAT author, along with the questions: 'Have I ever accomplished anything good while my emotions were churning with hysteria? Am I aware that acting on impulse - saying the first thing that pops into my head - defeats my own purposes?'R...

Lyne · Lyne

The reading for Monday, 8/24, discusses the growth value of honesty and candor. We are then able to admit that our behavior, like that of the alcoholic, was not sane or reasonable. If we can do this without shame or embarrassment, we are able to break free. The reminder says that we need alanon not onl...

SunnyFrogs · SunnyFrogs

I'm usually on the receiving end of AH's silent treatment and I absolutely hate it. It makes me feel so insignificant and unloved. Yet,here I am being the one giving him the silent treatment for the 2nd day. I'm not doing it to purposely hurt him though,like he does me. I'm not doing it as a form of contro...

Green Eyes · Green Eyes

Hi all! Its great to still see some familiar names on this board, as I havent checked in for a long time. Im now retired as of July 1st, and my husband of one year and I have moved to a wonderful 55+ community in AZ. I feel very blessed. It was 11 years ago that I walked into my first Al-Anon meeting and gave my HP...

Maresie888 · Maresie888

As you all know this year has been horrendous for me. Moving out of ny aoartment. Staying with an abusive alcoholic who was really verbally abusive when I was ill. Really really ill. Living in a construction zone for a year (still ongoing) . Getting a huge unexpected bill that I had to enoty my.savings t...

PosiesandPuppies · PosiesandPuppies

Responsibility for Family Members Melody Beatty speaks of the idea that many of us have the idea that we are responsible for other people's feelings. That it can have it's roots in childhood, and was established by members of our nuclear family. Perhaps a parent has told you that you make them miserab...

iris52 · iris52

I was reading some old posts and decided to google my nickname. I was surprised at what came up. I chose the nick because irises are one of my favorite flowers and 52 is the year I was born.The things that came up for iris 52 are things I am not sure I want people to think I am connected to. Actually I am not rea...

mamalioness · mamalioness

I don't even know where to start, but up the street the guy who used to be my handyman, alcoholic major dropped dead from heart attack last week forensics were out investigating, police, you name it because they had to be shore the body on the porch was not anything but natural causes (pathologist van t...

DavidG · DavidG

Hi y'all... ...I don't just have to come to Alanon when my life is in a state of crisis. I have been through the daily readers any number of times- all three of them. And I read the readings here- regularly. I was in a fog much of my life and often the readings went in one ear and out the other. B...

Lyne · Lyne

My decision to stay married to my A is not an easy life. Although it has important benefits, it is not easy by any means. This union of almost 29 years, brings me back to teachings from Betty, over and over and over again--I cannot force solutions, and I should not have expectations. And it's not that I...

Maresie888 · Maresie888

For me what is critical is to check not only my exoectations but to look at other people's expectations too. It is quite clear to me that all the people I had relationships with had completely unreal expectations of a relatiobship For sone reason (probably because of my own expectations) I jouned...

Enigmatic · Enigmatic

Some arrive at AlAnon with a list of reasons for ill will toward the alcoholic.Today's author suggests that using this list to polish our Martyr's halo and keep unpleasant events fresh in our minds is a harmful practice; neither is it our right or responsibility.Getting rid of such a list daily is bes...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Good morning MIP - apologies for the later than usual post - I have quarantine brain - thought it was Wednesday... Today's reminder: Al-Anon encourages me to examine my thoughts and actions, but this is meant as an act of self-love, not as a weapon to use against myself. When I begin to accept myself exa...

Freetime · Freetime

The slogan Live and Let Live is an instruction to stop obsessing about other people's business, and focus on our own. But how to do that? Once we stop focusing on others, what do we pay attention to? The author of today's page had a hard time with this question. A sponsor suggested to focus on what they h...

Finding grace · Finding grace

I haven't been here in a while, but making a commitment to get back to investing time on my program, and cutting from areas that really don't improve my life. I didn't post here too often, but did do the morning meetings almost every day as grace99. It's been about a year, a lot has happened, but I still sho...

SunnyFrogs · SunnyFrogs

Something I really struggle with is everything feels like a major crisis when it happens. I react as if it is,I behave as if it is,it feels like the end of the world. Most times it's not an actual crisis and I end up feeling (and probably looking ) like an idiot and I am ashamed. I'm not really sure how much o...

Skorpi · Skorpi

Hello MIP! In today's reading the author reflects on a piece of their reality that they didn't want to see: that they could not trust someone they loved. Every time their loved one made a promise, the author would trust them wholeheartedly, and be crushed when the promise was broken. But then, the au...

SunnyFrogs · SunnyFrogs

Years ago,in therapy,my therapist said we all do things,whether good or bad,because of what we get out of them. That if we have repetitive behavior that we want to change we first must understand the purpose it serves. So I've been reflecting on my anger lately, especially my explosive anger. I've b...

Maresie888 · Maresie888

When I first came into.these rooms I was on overwhelm every day. My qualifier was someone who.had been addicted for many years. His addiction had already taken him to some real lows. Furthermore he was completely enmeshed with his mother. That was made clear to me early in the relationshio. I had no i...

DavidG · DavidG

Hi y'all... kia ora koutou... I always had trouble reaching out for help. In my world the parents- the the grandparents always needed help. And they always seemed to have the highest priority. Kids were seen, and not heard- and me, personally always seemed to be a waste of space. Just being present...

Lyne · Lyne

The reading for Monday, August 17, reflects upon what a painful experience the first alanon meeting can be. The writer says that we might have had whirling thoughts, fear, uncertainty, and questions about if this was a good choice. Am I a disgrace, and what if the A finds out? And that is the importan...

DavidG · DavidG

There is a side to me- my dark side; my shadow side. If I was a newcomer I would have a sponsor, or a beginners group to start to deal with this. Through lock-down I have attended a number of zoom meetings- in different places- and got a sense of perspective. I am no longer bright eyed and bushy tailed- a...

DavidG · DavidG

My title idea I say so often. Not so sure if it fits. At the moment- within my unconscious, stuff is surfacing fairly regularly. It don't have words and ideas attached to it. These sometimes come later. A lot of my life i was scared- terrified- of saying things. I had learned that with active al...

yanksfan51 · yanksfan51

Good morning everyone: Todays reading is about Tradition 6: taking care that we are not distracted from our primary spiritual aim in the program. The writer states that the way to ensure we follow the singular purpose of Alanon, to help families and friends of alcoholics, is to focus. We may read ou...

AudreyO · AudreyO

Will someone with admin rights please check the Al Anon step board and remove the spam :(

Lyne · Lyne

Last night my home group celebrated 17 years. I would have gotten my 7 year coin but alas, we were on zoom. I felt disappointed as our celebrations each year are very enjoyable, and I am someone who cherishes my coins representing each year of alanon. I must confess I went to the meeting with a poor atti...

PosiesandPuppies · PosiesandPuppies

"How Important Is it?" That is what the daily is about. This simple slogan. The author recalls that after living in the chaos of an alcoholic relationship, it can be hard to know the difference between a minor inconvenience and a major crisis. This slogan helps many of us to regain some sense of proport...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	So frustrated (Preview) Well it my AW birthday today. We just finished opening gifts with the kids had a coffee and she just received a text from her guy friend mother saying call me asap please. She did and it turns out he is in the hospital. He OD on his DOC and now because his mother can't drive him and his girl friend also doesn'...	Geoff	9	90	September 6th by Iamhere
	Courage to change Saturday, 9/5 (Preview) Today's reading is about the after effects of Letting Go. Once we begin focusing on ourselves and let go of the obsession & worry for others, the author found that there was a whole lot of free time that took some time to adjust to. The author states, "We knew how to live in a state of crisis, but it ofte...	PosiesandPuppies	5	60	September 6th by Iamhere
	Courage to Change 9/3 (Preview) Today's reading is all about seizing the day, the moment, etc. Many of us put our dreams and promises on hold waiting for that special day - that one day when .... Some of us were waiting for the disease to be cured, others were waiting on something else - no matter. Al-Anon has helped us to see that toda...	Iamhere	5	44	September 6th by tiredtonite
	Courage to Change - September 4 (Preview) Calmness of mind -- the writer of today's page faced a dilemma of how to fill the extra time gained by not focusing on other people's crises. Now that the mind has become quieter, how to fill it without grabbing for old fears, how to be mentally busy without creating our own crisis which lets us feel bus...	Freetime	7	70	September 6th by Maresie888
	Calling their bluff (Preview) So my AH is saying he is going to fight for the house after twice now he said I could have it, back and forth this is going. No kids, dogs with special needs, been in the house for 25 years. I'm worried to fight for the house if he wants it to becuase the judge can say sell it and split the money, were in FL. He do...	Kokopelli	8	101	September 4th by Maresie888
	Jealousy (Preview) One of the traits I have seen with the alcoholic qualifier is the need to make me feel insecure and jealous After the qualifier wooed me and appeared to be a devoted boyfriend he switched lkterally overnught to quite deliberately trying to make me feel insecure and absolutely comoulsively discount...	Maresie888	0	40	September 4th by Maresie888
	Courage to Change September 2 (Preview) Hello MIP! In today's reading the author reflects on step 1: We are powerless over alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable. Over the years, the author did a lot of thinking about step 1, and recently, began to do a lot of feeling about the step as well. The primary emotion the author shared was g...	Skorpi	5	54	September 4th by Maresie888
	Dealing to the disease. (Preview) Disease, illness, sickness, malaise. It is cunning and baffling. I have heard the word "dysfunctional" bandied about. I think that that is far too soft a word. Damaging, dangerous, even life threatening, describes it better. I have been involved with my nephew G. His two kids have been taken int...	DavidG	3	52	September 3rd by PosiesandPuppies
	AH angry that children are getting counseling (Preview) I just told AH that I'm getting the kids signed up for counseling. He is Furious. I am standing my ground. I know enough about this disease now to know that my kids are going to need to have tools in place. They're too young for Al-A-Teen. (At least the littler one is). I want them to have someone they can t...	Fedora	8	87	September 3rd by PosiesandPuppies
	I hesitate to share .. (Preview) I'm going to any ways. Basically long story short this has been a year of revelation of how much I get to control myself and not others. My latest run in with my X involved my youngest and an iPad for singing lessons. S/he (cause I'm pretty sure his wife was involved) was very entertaining. They overp...	SerenityRUS	5	99	September 2nd by PosiesandPuppies
	Step One (Preview) From the beginning, I was told that "the instructions" for recovery were in the Twelve steps. Sometimes (and especially when nothing feels like its working anymore) I like to re-read the instructions. Many of us are facing challenges this year, and I thought a discussion on the instructions coul...	2HP	10	130	September 2nd by 2HP
	Good Morning to you all (Preview) I just wanted to say good morning to you all. My wife an I have our couples session today and the previous ones usually end up with us worse off than when we start. We usually right after just talk about it without our therapist and always work it out on our own. I feel like today will be different it will only...	Geoff	4	55	September 1st by DavidG
	Backlash over self care (Preview) Whenever my AH takes vacation days I know we are in for daily drinking because every day off is a drinking day. And I also expect that at some point during vacation he will lash out at me. This time, we are vacationing at home because of Covid, though we are able to go do things outdoors. I have been tellin...	Seahorse7	11	87	September 1st by SerenityRUS
	9/1/20 ODAT - Refocus -> Freedom (Preview) Today's page addresses the loneliness that may come from feeling that no one truly understands what we are going through. We are reminded, however, that we can free ourselves from this at any time by refocusing our mind on blessings, rather than the real or perceived deficits in our life.Nothing has...	Enigmatic	3	39	September 1st by PosiesandPuppies
	Self (Preview) This weekend stared off on a sour note for my spouse and I. I did realize it was all due to me and my attitude. I was letting the what if's control my days and by the end of the week I was in a terrible mood even staurday morning when we have coffee together on the porch and she reads from her daily book it was not e...	Geoff	3	49	August 31st by DavidG
	ODAT in alanon, 8/31 (Preview) The reading for Monday, 8/31, reflects upon people saying its a nice day when the weather is fine. What we learn in alanon is that the kind of day it is, does not depend upon the weather. Instead, the kind of day we are having is attributed to our attitudes and reactions to what s going on around us. The...	Lyne	3	51	August 31st by Iamhere
	Do I really want to do this? (Preview) I am reading all of these posts and thinking do I really want to do this? I feel very naive and, quite frankly, stupid. I started seeing someone last fall. I work with him and knew that he went through a 30 day rehab and 60 day IOP last year, before we started seeing each other. I worked with his family to h...	Matoma	15	192	August 30th by Iamhere
	Hope for Today Aug 30 (Preview) Good morning everyone: I wouldnt typically start with the Thought for the Day at the end of todays page, but it is such a powerful statement Im thinking about it like bookends for each day, a morning and evening reflection. It reads: In Al-Anon Ive learned to savor the tiny, specific, beautiful momen...	yanksfan51	2	46	August 30th by Iamhere
	Saturday's Daily 8/29/20 (Preview) Sorry for the late start, MIP Family! Today's reading is from Courage to Change. It speaks about Step 8. "Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all." The author describes Step 8 as "the means to release myself from unrelenting guilt." They go onto say that by m...	PosiesandPuppies	3	48	August 30th by Iamhere
	3 A's and 4 P's... a step 11... (Preview) I picked up the three A's here. I was always cautious about not using conference approved material. Maybe hypervigilant, even. So- the three A's appear in a reading for Courage To Change. Through our three daily readers there are over 1000 entries. So there is a fair bit of scope here. I believe that...	DavidG	2	40	August 30th by DavidG
	2nd DUI (Preview) This morning the police called me out of my class to alert me that my AH had been taken to the local jail because of DUI. This is number 2. The city police called the campus police to try to find me. The campus police officer was so kind. The city police officer were so kind. I appreciated that. They had to go...	Fedora	9	90	August 30th by Maresie888
	Feelings (Preview) I haven't posted in awhile and I have been so busy with work lately. It's a busy time right now. I haven't kept up with my readings or self care the last 2 weeks. My feelings are all over the place. My bf is an active alcoholic and it's putting a strain on me. I try not to argue with him. I will excuse myself from...	dragonfly04	5	77	August 29th by DavidG
	Charity begins at home... (Preview) Or close to home, anyway. I visited my nephew and his partner yesterday. His partner is going away to rehab. on Monday morning- for 12 or 16 weeks. Their kids have been taken off of them- and they want their kids back. I think they have along long way to go. To use a cricketing term- I am a wee way out o...	DavidG	0	23	August 29th by DavidG
	Courage to Change, 8/28 - Sponsorship (Preview) Today's author learned about trust and worthiness from her first Al-Anon sponsor. She learned she could trust her sponsor to be gentle, and also to say what needed to be said. The sponsor helped her overcome her self-doubt. When our author was in despair of ever feeling better, the sponsor pointed...	Freetime	3	47	August 29th by DavidG
	recovery and infidelity (Preview) 2020 has been the worst year for many, but it has been especially terrible for me. I got to start the year off with planning an intervention for my wife. It all started back in fall of 2019 when her father passed away. I had been busy with doing the lions share of taking the kids to sports volunteering for Ho...	Geoff	14	148	August 28th by Maresie888
	Hope for Today Aug 23 (Preview) Good morning everyone: Todays reading is about the important relationship of sponsor/sponsee in the program. It is written from the point of view of the sponsor, and how seeing the growth in recovery of a sponsee is such a big part of the program. I have not had the experience of being a sponsor, but my...	yanksfan51	13	95	August 28th by Geoff
	Courage to Change 8/27 (Preview) Today's reading discusses the first 3 steps in our program. The writer was disappointed when the first meeting attended did not give out a 'do/don't list' on how to change the alcoholic. Instead, the 12 Steps were provided. Desperate for change, she opted to give the steps a try. By the second meet...	Iamhere	3	43	August 28th by Enigmatic
	Shades of 2008 (Preview) In 2008 I was in this program holding on by bare knuckles. I.left the qualifier, was deeply in debt, barely enoloyed and marginally housed. Nevertheless, largeky because of the chaos he created, I left When I.leff the qualifier back then with ni job.and no money the economy took a real downturn. I....	Maresie888	4	39	August 27th by Maresie888
	Mixed signals (Preview) While going through the beginnings of divorcing my AH, we have routines from 17 years together, making his lunch, doing his laundry, calling eachother pet names. How do you cope with this? How do you shut this down and tell him he needs to work on getting better. I want to still be his best friend and h...	Kokopelli	3	59	August 27th by Maresie888
	Second thoughts (Preview) I have my first appointment with the lawyers assistant, a financials appointment, next Thursday. My AH has contacted journey pure and said they cant see him till late next week. He even did a couple things around the house, was shocked. I express how happy I am that he reached out and has an appointment...	Kokopelli	4	72	August 27th by Maresie888
	Courage to Change August 26 (Preview) Hello MIP! In today's reading, the author reflects on one of the chief symptoms of the family disease of Alcoholism - Denial. The author reflects in wonder about how they didn't see what was happening with the addiction - alcoholism had left messy tracks all through the author's life, and at the time...	Skorpi	5	54	August 26th by JerryF
	Here I go again (Preview) New to this board but not to Al Anon. I was an active member for five years while my wife was drinking heavily. Ultimately the disease won and she passed away two years ago after 26 years of marriage. Assuming that my issues with alcohol were behind me, I stepped away from my group. Fast forward to tod...	AgainAgain	5	60	August 26th by PosiesandPuppies
	When is enough? (Preview) Hello, In January 2020 I finally had the courage to speak up to my AH about how unhappy I was in our marriage and that his drinking and depression left me lonely and unhappy. I had told him for the last 3 years that he needed to start cutting back on drinking and start seeing a counselor for his depression...	Kokopelli	5	75	August 25th by JerryF
	8/25/20 ODAT – We Can’t Lose... (Preview) ...'by stopping to think: Easy Does It,' so recommends today's ODAT author, along with the questions: 'Have I ever accomplished anything good while my emotions were churning with hysteria? Am I aware that acting on impulse - saying the first thing that pops into my head - defeats my own purposes?'R...	Enigmatic	2	40	August 25th by Iamhere
	ODAT in alanon, 8/24 (Preview) The reading for Monday, 8/24, discusses the growth value of honesty and candor. We are then able to admit that our behavior, like that of the alcoholic, was not sane or reasonable. If we can do this without shame or embarrassment, we are able to break free. The reminder says that we need alanon not onl...	Lyne	6	66	August 25th by PosiesandPuppies
	The Silent Treatment (Preview) I'm usually on the receiving end of AH's silent treatment and I absolutely hate it. It makes me feel so insignificant and unloved. Yet,here I am being the one giving him the silent treatment for the 2nd day. I'm not doing it to purposely hurt him though,like he does me. I'm not doing it as a form of contro...	SunnyFrogs	6	70	August 25th by PosiesandPuppies
	Paying It Forward (Preview) Hi all! Its great to still see some familiar names on this board, as I havent checked in for a long time. Im now retired as of July 1st, and my husband of one year and I have moved to a wonderful 55+ community in AZ. I feel very blessed. It was 11 years ago that I walked into my first Al-Anon meeting and gave my HP...	Green Eyes	3	48	August 25th by tiredtonite
	Good news (Preview) As you all know this year has been horrendous for me. Moving out of ny aoartment. Staying with an abusive alcoholic who was really verbally abusive when I was ill. Really really ill. Living in a construction zone for a year (still ongoing) . Getting a huge unexpected bill that I had to enoty my.savings t...	Maresie888	7	62	August 24th by Maresie888
	08/22/20 (Preview) Responsibility for Family Members Melody Beatty speaks of the idea that many of us have the idea that we are responsible for other people's feelings. That it can have it's roots in childhood, and was established by members of our nuclear family. Perhaps a parent has told you that you make them miserab...	PosiesandPuppies	6	56	August 24th by PosiesandPuppies
	this is creepy (Preview) I was reading some old posts and decided to google my nickname. I was surprised at what came up. I chose the nick because irises are one of my favorite flowers and 52 is the year I was born.The things that came up for iris 52 are things I am not sure I want people to think I am connected to. Actually I am not rea...	iris52	6	87	August 23rd by ClearTheFog
	Oh MY!! its been a while (Preview) I don't even know where to start, but up the street the guy who used to be my handyman, alcoholic major dropped dead from heart attack last week forensics were out investigating, police, you name it because they had to be shore the body on the porch was not anything but natural causes (pathologist van t...	mamalioness	4	59	August 23rd by Iamhere
	Just another "common or garden" share... (Preview) Hi y'all... ...I don't just have to come to Alanon when my life is in a state of crisis. I have been through the daily readers any number of times- all three of them. And I read the readings here- regularly. I was in a fog much of my life and often the readings went in one ear and out the other. B...	DavidG	2	38	August 23rd by Maresie888
	Lessons Betty taught me (Preview) My decision to stay married to my A is not an easy life. Although it has important benefits, it is not easy by any means. This union of almost 29 years, brings me back to teachings from Betty, over and over and over again--I cannot force solutions, and I should not have expectations. And it's not that I...	Lyne	8	93	August 22nd by Maresie888
	Expectations /punushment (Preview) For me what is critical is to check not only my exoectations but to look at other people's expectations too. It is quite clear to me that all the people I had relationships with had completely unreal expectations of a relatiobship For sone reason (probably because of my own expectations) I jouned...	Maresie888	2	30	August 22nd by Maresie888
	8/18/20 ODAT - Stop Tending a Garden of Grievances (Preview) Some arrive at AlAnon with a list of reasons for ill will toward the alcoholic.Today's author suggests that using this list to polish our Martyr's halo and keep unpleasant events fresh in our minds is a harmful practice; neither is it our right or responsibility.Getting rid of such a list daily is bes...	Enigmatic	8	86	August 22nd by Maresie888
	Courage to Change 8/20 (Preview) Good morning MIP - apologies for the later than usual post - I have quarantine brain - thought it was Wednesday... Today's reminder: Al-Anon encourages me to examine my thoughts and actions, but this is meant as an act of self-love, not as a weapon to use against myself. When I begin to accept myself exa...	Iamhere	4	57	August 22nd by Lyne
	Courage to Change - 8/21 - Live and Let Live (Preview) The slogan Live and Let Live is an instruction to stop obsessing about other people's business, and focus on our own. But how to do that? Once we stop focusing on others, what do we pay attention to? The author of today's page had a hard time with this question. A sponsor suggested to focus on what they h...	Freetime	6	63	August 22nd by mamalioness
	It's been a long time! (Preview) I haven't been here in a while, but making a commitment to get back to investing time on my program, and cutting from areas that really don't improve my life. I didn't post here too often, but did do the morning meetings almost every day as grace99. It's been about a year, a lot has happened, but I still sho...	Finding grace	19	194	August 21st by Finding grace
	Feeling Like A Crisis VS An Actual Crisis (Preview) Something I really struggle with is everything feels like a major crisis when it happens. I react as if it is,I behave as if it is,it feels like the end of the world. Most times it's not an actual crisis and I end up feeling (and probably looking ) like an idiot and I am ashamed. I'm not really sure how much o...	SunnyFrogs	12	155	August 20th by 2HP
	Courage to Change August 19 (Preview) Hello MIP! In today's reading the author reflects on a piece of their reality that they didn't want to see: that they could not trust someone they loved. Every time their loved one made a promise, the author would trust them wholeheartedly, and be crushed when the promise was broken. But then, the au...	Skorpi	4	57	August 19th by Iamhere
	What I Get From It (Preview) Years ago,in therapy,my therapist said we all do things,whether good or bad,because of what we get out of them. That if we have repetitive behavior that we want to change we first must understand the purpose it serves. So I've been reflecting on my anger lately, especially my explosive anger. I've b...	SunnyFrogs	8	109	August 19th by Iamhere
	Daily management (Preview) When I first came into.these rooms I was on overwhelm every day. My qualifier was someone who.had been addicted for many years. His addiction had already taken him to some real lows. Furthermore he was completely enmeshed with his mother. That was made clear to me early in the relationshio. I had no i...	Maresie888	2	46	August 18th by tiredtonite
	Hands up- help! (Preview) Hi y'all... kia ora koutou... I always had trouble reaching out for help. In my world the parents- the the grandparents always needed help. And they always seemed to have the highest priority. Kids were seen, and not heard- and me, personally always seemed to be a waste of space. Just being present...	DavidG	9	90	August 18th by Maresie888
	ODAT in alanon, 8/17 (Preview) The reading for Monday, August 17, reflects upon what a painful experience the first alanon meeting can be. The writer says that we might have had whirling thoughts, fear, uncertainty, and questions about if this was a good choice. Am I a disgrace, and what if the A finds out? And that is the importan...	Lyne	2	44	August 17th by Iamhere
	Step 10 and gratitude... (Preview) There is a side to me- my dark side; my shadow side. If I was a newcomer I would have a sponsor, or a beginners group to start to deal with this. Through lock-down I have attended a number of zoom meetings- in different places- and got a sense of perspective. I am no longer bright eyed and bushy tailed- a...	DavidG	0	33	August 17th by DavidG
	The only qualifier I bring to Alanon is myself. (Preview) My title idea I say so often. Not so sure if it fits. At the moment- within my unconscious, stuff is surfacing fairly regularly. It don't have words and ideas attached to it. These sometimes come later. A lot of my life i was scared- terrified- of saying things. I had learned that with active al...	DavidG	2	67	August 17th by Lyne
	Hope for Today Aug 16 (Preview) Good morning everyone: Todays reading is about Tradition 6: taking care that we are not distracted from our primary spiritual aim in the program. The writer states that the way to ensure we follow the singular purpose of Alanon, to help families and friends of alcoholics, is to focus. We may read ou...	yanksfan51	5	58	August 16th by Maresie888
	Spam on the Al Anon Step Board (Preview) Will someone with admin rights please check the Al Anon step board and remove the spam :(	AudreyO	1	48	August 16th by WebHelper
	Home group anniversary (Preview) Last night my home group celebrated 17 years. I would have gotten my 7 year coin but alas, we were on zoom. I felt disappointed as our celebrations each year are very enjoyable, and I am someone who cherishes my coins representing each year of alanon. I must confess I went to the meeting with a poor atti...	Lyne	6	59	August 16th by Maresie888
	Courage to Change 08/15/2020 (Preview) "How Important Is it?" That is what the daily is about. This simple slogan. The author recalls that after living in the chaos of an alcoholic relationship, it can be hard to know the difference between a minor inconvenience and a major crisis. This slogan helps many of us to regain some sense of proport...	PosiesandPuppies	4	62	August 15th by Iamhere
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.