Al-Anon Family Group

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Post Info TOPIC: 8/1/23 C2C They Are Not the Problem…

~*Service Worker*~

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8/1/23 C2C They Are Not the Problem…

Today's writer arrived at Alanon as did many: hoping to find out how to get the alcoholic to stop drinking, thinking that was the problem. They learned, as many others have also: they didn't cause alcoholism, can't control it or cure it.

They kept coming back, however, because they discovered there was much healing needed in their own life as they had developed unhealthy habits around the alcoholism.

With the help of meetings, guidance from their higher power and consistent work they were able to regain their equilibrium.

Reminder I don't respond well when others try to control me, why would I try on others? I am responsible for myself and the only one responsible for the level of felt fulfillment.

"Today I will keep hands off and keep my focus where it belongs, on me." ...In All Our Affairs
I find it helpful to recall my beliefs before Alanon as I map my spiritual course, and wonder at the immensity of my initial misperception. So focused upon triangulating on the straws on them, missed the beam I was swinging.

When I take 100% responsibility for me alone, I find serenity. When I am unhappy, the first thing I try to consider is what person, thing or situation I am wanting to be different. If I don't adjust my belief of the source, I will remain unhappy...

Grateful for the wisdom and reminders



"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives."  - Paths to Recovery 

~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2674

Thank you Paul for your service and share. After 11 yrs of alanon, and learning to stop trying to force solutions, my spouse has gone to AA for 4 consecutive days. I will remain detached with love, have no expectations, and pray.



Senior Member

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Thanks Paul for today's reading and to you and Lyne for your shares. I'm grateful because of the Al-anon program to learn that choosing unhealthy involvement in the lives of others is a great detractor from living life on life's terms. It was in fact for me a form of attention seeking. Today, I give loving support rather than ego based giving and honor my own life and try to live it fully one day at a time. I pray for courage to keep present and focused on my loving HP's will for me. That may include healthy participation in the lives of others. I ask my hp's guidance concerning my interactions with others. I pray for discernment, balance in my emotional and physical involvement. Progress has come. I can say no to others when warranted as well as say no to myself when I know saying yes is based in unhealthy motivation. I recognize that when I don't want to address something in my own life, over involvement in the guise of being needed can be a convenient distraction from something uncomfortable. It is a way to deny of what is in front of me within my hula hoop that needs attention that I would rather not face. "Doing good," for someone else becomes a convenient rationalization for not focusing on myself. The biggest issue with this faulty thinking is that ignoring my own needs creates greater personal problems in the future. Left undone for too long, things can snowball and become overwhelming.  Increased denial, "nothing to see here," sets in. It is indeed a slippery slope when seeking balance, not losing sight of prioritizing myself over others whether intentional or unintentional. Grateful for lessons in healthy responsibility.

-- Edited by tiredtonite on Tuesday 1st of August 2023 08:11:26 AM


Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.

~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 915

Paul thank you for your service and agree with everyone's ESH that responsibility lies with myself and must always examine my motives.


"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown


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